


Dark Star

by supremeleadershitlord, Thotful_writing



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Kylo Ren Redemption, Redemption, Rough Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:54:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 47,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21945439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supremeleadershitlord/pseuds/supremeleadershitlord, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thotful_writing/pseuds/Thotful_writing
Summary: You're a lieutenant in the First Order and also a spy for the resistance. Your goal is to fight the evil regime from within but everything changes when you get close to Kylo Ren.
Relationships: Ben Solo & Reader, Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 123
Kudos: 718





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a co-written work in progress with Thotful-writing. We're taking turns writing each chapter. The title comes from one of the songs that inspired the idea, Dark Star by Jaymes Young. Enjoy!

When you joined the First Order, your sole purpose was to work your way through the ranks and gather intel for the Resistance. It was a mission you accepted knowing your chances of survival were slim. The thing about going so deep undercover and surrounding yourself with the enemy is you find yourself questioning everything you thought you knew. And at your weakest moments, you even sympathize with them.

The people in the First Order were exactly that, _people_. All working towards a common goal as misguided as it was. They had been manipulated, forced into the ranks, or gave in because they thought the only other option was death… and in Kylo Ren’s case? Groomed and pushed to be the dark force user he is now.

You didn’t want to have sympathy for the devil, but it crept in long before you realized it. Underneath the mask was a boy that never truly had a chance to figure out who he was and despite how ruthless he had become, you couldn't help but wonder if there was still good in him.

"Lieutenant, if you're done daydreaming, please inform Ren that we've found another Resistance base," General Hux announced, pulling you from your brief moment of peace.

"Yes, General." You gave him a nod and headed towards the elevator. Thoughts of previous conversations with General Organa filled your head and they were a harsh reminder of just how long you had been a spy for the Resistance. Back then, she had hope that her son would come back but each day only seemed to pull him further into the darkness that already consumed him.  


The journey to Kylo's quarters went by much quicker than you wanted, facing him was growing more difficult by the day and each interaction made you sympathize with him even more.

"Commander, another Resistance base has been found. General Hux is waiting for you on the bridge." You got the words out as quickly as you could and turned to leave but he stopped you.

"I sense unease in you, Lieutenant."

His observation put you in a state of panic. It had always amazed you that no one in the First Order, including him, was able to put the pieces together and figure out you were the spy. You did your best to calm your nerves as you turned to face him.

“I’m just tired, Commander. I haven’t been sleeping very much.”

He didn’t say anything as he stared back and you knew he was trying to get a read on you without forcing his way into your head.  


“Have my ship prepared and tell the General to send out our best,” he finally replied.

You gave him one final nod and left before he had a chance to get anymore suspicious of you.  


By the time you made it back to General Hux, everyone was scrambling to prepare for a full scale attack on the base.

“Commander Ren has requested his ship and says to send out the best of the fleet.” You took your place next to Hux and awaited further instruction.

“He still thinks he commands my army,” he sneered as he glanced at you, “let’s see how he does when he figures out the General of the Resistance is at the base.”

Your heart sank when you realized that Kylo was about to fire on his own mother. But another realization hit you even harder… you were so nervous to face Kylo again that you missed your window of opportunity to send a message to the Resistance about the upcoming attack.

You knew Hux was going to keep you at his side through preparations and the attack itself unless you found a way to get a moment alone. For reasons unclear to you, the General liked to keep you close by.

You could feel Kylo’s presence long before he stepped in line next to you and Hux.

“I have orders from Supreme Leader Snoke to destroy the base by any means necessary. No prisoners, Commander,” Hux warned, the underlying message was abundantly clear. Destroy the base completely or face the wrath of Snoke.

General Hux stepped away to give out more orders, leaving you alone with Kylo. You wanted to keep your mouth shut but the urge to warn him about what he was about to do was too strong.  


“Commander, the General informed me that your mother is at the base.”

His body tensed and you noticed the slightest tremble of his bottom lip. He took a sharp breath and started to speak but General Hux returned before you heard what Kylo had to say. You couldn’t help but wonder if you had overstepped your bounds.

“The fighters are ready. We’re making the jump to lightspeed so we have the element of surprise,” Hux informed you and Kylo. Your heart pounded hard in your chest, there was no time to get in touch with the resistance before the attack. The idea of watching your friends and allies get pummeled turned your stomach, especially because you failed to warn them.  


Kylo made a quick exit to board his fighter and it didn't take long for the base to come into view after the jump. TIE fighters filled the air and the ambush began. The resistance were nothing but tiny specks from your viewpoint but you could see them scatter, desperate to get away with their fleet intact.

The Silencer zoomed past the bridge and Kylo was on his way. Nausea hit you in a suffocating wave and your eyes began to tear up. You were helpless to stop the massacre and you couldn't show how much it was tearing you apart without Hux figuring out you were the spy all along.

X-wings were in the air faster than you expected and a small glimmer of hope kept you glued to the scene unfolding before you.

"Concentrate all fire on the fleet! Do not let them escape," Hux yelled next to you. Deep breathes did nothing to calm your nerves as you watched the chaos and all you could do was focus on a spot on the floor to keep your panic in check.

By the time the fight was over, the resistance fleet had been cut by at least half and the rest narrowly escaped with their lives. You were relieved to hear that General Organa was among those that survived.

“General Hux.” The terrifying voice of Supreme Leader Snoke made you jump. You turned to see a hologram of his mutilated face staring back at you and the General.

“When Kylo Ren returns, bring him to me.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren returned from the battle, his mother's life was spared but you feared his would not be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm loving this co-creator thing. Here is my smutty contribution. Enjoy!

The fear you felt for General Organa transferred to Kylo Ren. You were the one who told him about his mother, if Snoke found out then you were surely being jettisoned into space. You kept your expression flat as General Hux held a self-satisfied smirk on his face. Kylo barely made it back to the bridge before Hux informed him of Snoke’s request. He left with a slight glance in your direction, something you took as a ‘thank you’, although more than likely he was trying to read you again. You couldn’t help but feel for him, he effortlessly killed people every day, but he still wasn’t able to bring himself to take his mother’s life.

From what you’d heard, Supreme Leader Snoke wasn’t exactly a forgiving person. You did your best to avoid him at all costs. Dealing with Hux and Kylo was frightening enough, you definitely didn’t want to give him a reason to root around in your mind.

“Lieutenant?” General Hux’s voice broke your concentration and you realized you’d been clenching your fists.

“Sir?” You forced yourself to focus on your current situation and not worrying about Kylo Ren, he was the enemy after all.

“Go to the hangar and assess for damages and casualties. I want to know how many we lost and have to replace.” Hux’s utter disregard for human life turned your stomach.

“Of course, sir.” You nodded and breathed a sigh of relief that you were going to have a moment to yourself.

As you made your way down the long corridor, you saw several stormtroopers hurrying towards you and glancing back at the elevator, looking as though they were avoiding something or someone. By the time you made it to elevator, the doors opened and there stood an angry Kylo Ren, his helmet smashed but not more than the walls and consoles within the elevator. His chest rose and fell heavily as he struggled to regain some control. His hair fell in strands over his face and his body tensed with rage. You had never seen him like this, you assumed his meeting with Supreme Leader Snoke was not a good one. You opened your mouth to speak but before you could say anything, he looked directly at you and pointed.

“You.” He strode towards you in one quick step and grabbed your throat.

You grasped at his hand as fear ran through your veins, “sir, please-“ you managed to choke out.

He glanced passed you to see stormtroopers and other personnel watching as they walked by. Kylo released your throat and grabbed your arm roughly, pulling you with him down the corridor and away from prying eyes. He shoved you into an empty utility closet. He was closer than you were comfortable with and you assumed this was where he was going to end you.

“Why did you tell me about General Organa?” He snapped his hand back over your throat and pushed you against the wall.

Your hand clasped around his, trying to loosen his grip, but it was no use, “I-I wanted to help, I th-thought you’d want to know.”

“Next time keep your thoughts to yourself, understood?” He growled and tightened his grip.

You looked up at him, pleading for a breath, “y-yes, sir.”

You hoped he would release you, but he didn’t. His gloved hand remained around your throat, though somewhat looser so you could breathe. His chest continued to rise and fall heavily as his eyes burned into yours. You felt him trying to pry into your mind and you knew he’d get what he wanted if you didn’t act fast. In a split second, you’d moved closer and pressed your lips to his without hesitation, effectively distracting him.

He pulled away and glared at you, his expression stuck somewhere between anger and confusion. For a moment you assumed he was seriously considering snapping your neck. His hand moved around to the back of your neck as he grabbed your hair, jerking it back and capturing your lips with his once more. His kiss was forceful and overpowering, biting and sucking on your bottom lip roughly. He took the very breath from your lungs and you seemed to be giving it to him willingly. Every ounce of your being was telling you this was wrong, but you couldn’t stop yourself when you reached for him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

The weight of his body against yours was enough to make you feel as though he was going to push you right through the steel wall behind you. When his lips left yours, you let out a small moan, which didn’t go unnoticed.

“Does your loyalty lie with me or the General?” His question almost makes you choke, but you realize he’s talking about Hux.

“You, sir.” You basically panted and chastised yourself for being so desperate.

“Good.” He grabbed you and spun you around, pushing your face flush against the cold wall.

His hands moved down to your hips and pulled you back against him, “since you’re so eager to _help_ me,” his hand ran over the curve of your ass before sliding around between your legs, “you won’t mind helping me let some of this frustration out, will you?”

You gasped when his hand rubbed between your thighs, “no, sir, anything you need.”

He teased you for a moment before grabbing the waistband of your pants and jerking them down to your knees. It seemed insane how quickly you responded to him, already panting and waiting for him to fuck his frustrations into your body. The sound of his zipper alone was enough to make you whimper, but you bit your lip to keep from seeming overly eager. His hand rested on the back of your neck as he pressed the tip of his cock to your entrance. Before you had a chance to push back against him and coax him further, he pushed into you, filling you completely and leaving you gasping as you stretched around him.

“This isn’t for you.” He warned and you knew he was going to take what he wanted with no regard for your needs.

He eased out of you slowly before thrusting back into you. For the duration of your closet fuck, that was the only time he went slow. He drove into you rough and hard, his hand gripping the back of your neck. You had no other choice but to place your hands flat against the wall, trying to grab onto something but the slick surface gave nothing. You tried to keep your moans to a minimum but with the way he felt, slamming into you over and over, you couldn’t help yourself. His name left your lips in a stuttered string as a haze of pleasure washed over you and you neared your release. His hand snapped up over your mouth and silenced anymore semblances of his name from escaping your mouth. The cool leather of his glove offered some relief from the heat that had crept across your face.

His thrusts became less and less rhythmic as he got closer to his own release. His hips snapped against yours and the echo of skin hitting skin filled the room along with your muffled moans and whimpers. You could already feel a soreness forming between your thighs, knowing his rough treatment of your body was going to be very evident tomorrow but it was worth it. His grip tightened around your mouth as he drove into you harder, finally finding his release within you.

His breathing was labored as he pulled out of you abruptly. You remain in a slight daze at what had just happened, feeling his cum starting to drip down your legs and the rejection of a denied release. He finished straightening his clothes when you finally turned around to face him and pull your pants back up.

“I assume you have work to do?” He looked at you questioningly and emotionless.

“Yes, sir.” You felt a little used but at least you saved yourself from being found out and it seemed to help him, for whatever that was worth.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite your best efforts to avoid Kylo after what happened in the utility closet, you find yourself alone in a room with him after General Hux asks you to deliver a message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My turn for a smutty contribution. Thanks for all of the kudos so far!  
> Song inspiration for this chapter: Crazy by Nothing But Thieves
> 
> \- supremeleadershitlord

Avoiding Kylo Ren on a star destroyer should’ve been easy given the size of the ship. You still got lost from time to time and you had spent what felt like an eternity wandering the neverending corridors. But it seemed no matter where you turned, he was there. Since destroying his helmet, you were forced to see his face every time he was near. That would be a great thing if you weren’t so conflicted about your feelings for him.

Since the hookup, your feelings had gotten even more confusing. On one hand, you didn’t appreciate being used in such a blatant way, but on the other, you wanted more. That combined with the increasing chatter about a spy within the First Order had you on edge. It took everything you had to shrug it off and it was starting to wear you down.

“Lieutenant, you’ve been quiet the last few days,” Hux noted as you stood at his side on the bridge.

“Just exhausted,” you replied with a yawn. It was a partial truth, sleep was difficult but the stress of maintaining your cover was far worse.

"This mole has everyone on high alert. Perhaps a couple of days off are in order?"

You were taken aback by his almost sympathetic tone of voice. There was a hint of softness in his expression. The slightest upturn at the corners of his mouth was probably the closest thing to a genuine smile he had ever given you.

"One day is plenty," you lied. You needed more time to decompress but work was the only distraction you had. Downtime made you overthink and the paranoia was usually close behind.

"This isn’t a negotiation. Two days, no work starting after you inform Ren that we're to meet with Supreme Leader Snoke again later."

Your body tensed at the mention of Kylo and fear took over when he said Snoke's name. It was common knowledge within the First Order that Kylo wasn't on Snoke's good side after the failed attempt to kill General Organa.

"Is that a problem, Lieutenant?" Hux looked concerned as he regarded you.

"No, sir. I'll get right on that." You gave him a slight smile before turning to leave.

"One more thing," he said, pulling you aside out of earshot of the rest of the crew.

"Have you noticed any strange behavior among the officers?"

You knew he was trying to narrow down the list of suspects but putting the blame on others when you were the spy wasn't something you cared to do.  


"Nothing noteworthy."

He stared back, trying to get a read on you and it did nothing to calm your nerves.

"You wouldn't be _protecting_ anyone out of fear, would you?" He asked, stepping closer.

Your chest tightened and you found it hard to swallow as you tried to think of an easy way out of his interrogation.

"No, sir. I just don't want to go pointing fingers at anyone unless I'm sure."

"That's the kind of thing that can bring the First Order down, Lieutenant. If you know something, tell me." He clasped his hands behind his back and went into full business mode. Any hint of the sympathy he showed you just moments before was gone.

“Pointing fingers without solid evidence will only lead to paranoia, General. That will tear the First Order down faster than a mole ever could,” you replied, hopeful he would consider your answer and let you leave.

He went silent for a moment before letting out a hefty sigh, “you’re dismissed. Relay the message to Commander Ren.”

You weren’t sure where Kylo was, on a ship the size of the Supremacy, he could be anywhere. Fate wouldn’t let you prolong your next face to face with the volatile Commander and you found him before you got a chance to mentally prepare.

You stopped in the doorway and considered running away as he stood in front of a console he had completely destroyed with his lightsaber. It sparked and crackled in front of him and his chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath.

“Sir, General Hux wanted me to tell you that Supreme Leader Snoke has requested your presence later.” It was hard to hide the unease in your voice as you addressed him. You had not been completely alone with him since you let him fuck you in the utility closet.

He turned to look at you, sweat dripping from his brow and his hair stuck to his face. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days and it tugged at your heart.  


“Come inside and close the door, Lieutenant.”

You took a deep breath and did as you were told, confining yourself in the room with the one person you couldn’t seem to control yourself around. It was hard to maintain eye contact with him as you stepped closer.

“You’ve been avoiding me. Why?” He asked, getting straight to the point. He wasn’t a subtle man by any stretch of the imagination.

“I haven’t, I’ve just been busy, sir,” you lied even though you knew he would see right through it.

“Do you still want to be _helpful_?”

Your breath caught in your throat. He wasn’t even trying to hide the underlying meaning in his question. He wanted to use you again and the fight between what your mind and body wanted raged inside of you.

“Always.” You silently cursed yourself for giving in so easily.

“Why?”

The question stumped you because you had no rational explanation for your unexpected feelings. It wasn’t like you could tell him you knew about his past, that would alert him to your history with the Resistance and his mother.

“Because I think you would be a much better leader for the First Order.” As soon as the words left your mouth, you wanted to take them back. He could easily turn you over to Snoke for your lack of loyalty.

One long stride was all it took to close the gap between you. He grabbed your arm and pushed you towards the undamaged console next to the one he completely wrecked. Your pants were down and you were bent over the control board so fast it almost gave you whiplash. A few seconds later, he was buried deep inside you once again. He stilled and leaned down close to your ear.

“Is that what you want? Me to have full control over you.”

You were too consumed by how good he felt inside you to think clearly as you replied, “yes, Supreme Leader Ren.”

He went silent for a few seconds and you began to fear for your life. He couldn’t have had much love for Snoke, but putting the idea in his head of taking over as the Supreme Leader was dangerous. Not only for him, but for you as well.

A sharp thrust of his hips made you yelp and grip the edge of the console.

“Call me that again.”

It sounded like a challenge, like he was convinced you wouldn’t dare say it again but as it usually went around Kylo, you couldn’t keep your mouth shut.  


“Supreme Leader Ren.”

Another powerful thrust made your body lurch forward. He clutched your hips, digging his fingertips into your skin as he began slamming into you over and over again.  


Kylo tightened his grip on you and panted, driving into you harder to unleash every bit of frustration he felt. You couldn’t stifle your moans no matter how hard you tried, the euphoric mixture of pleasure mixed with just the right amount of pain put you in a blissful haze.

You felt your release building at a rapid rate, your muscles tightened around his cock and he groaned, getting close to his own release. It was turning into a race to come before him in case he decided to leave you hanging again.

Your hand slid down between your thighs but something stopped you just before you reached your destination.

“You wanted me to have full control over you,” he panted, spacing out his thrusts to speak against your ear, “I didn’t say you could do that.”

He used the force to pull your hand away and picked up his pace again. He was relentless and his complete disregard for your pleasure made you want to come out of spite.

"I can feel that anger," he taunted, not even trying to hide the fact that he enjoyed denying you. What started as a way to help him deal with his stress was quickly turning into a hatefuck.

"Go ahead, fuck me as hard as you want. I can still get myself off faster than you ever could," you panted, your voice shaking each time he slammed into you.

"You'll eat those words, Lieutenant," he grunted and stilled as he came inside you.

The only sounds that filled the room were the crackling of the destroyed console and your labored breathing as he pulled out of you. You both straightened your clothes in silence, exchanging glances every few seconds until he finally pushed you against the wall and towered over you.

"When you're sitting in your quarters tonight trying desperately to make yourself come, that soreness is going to creep in and you’ll remember where I’ve been,” he said just above a whisper as he leaned in, “and when that happens, you’ll realize that the only way you’re going to come is when I decide to _make_ you come.”

You wanted to yell at him for using you again but the words refused to come out. Without another word, he left the room and all you could do was watch him walk away, powerless to stop him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's ability to predict the future was uncanny as you tossed and turned, wanting him to return to take care of your needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am loving the dynamic between Hux and Kylo, it brings me joy to put the reader in the middle of them.   
> -Thotful_Writing

The fact that Kylo was right only infuriated you more. The ache between your thighs was there like he had predicted and no matter how hard you focused or tried, you couldn't get yourself off. You finally gave up with an exasperated sigh. Twice he had denied you now and you were desperate to come. The thought had crossed your mind to go to his quarters and take what you wanted, but you talked yourself out of it. As the minutes ticked by and your need only grew more persistent, you made the decision to confront him about his cruelty and torture on your body and mind.

You climbed out of your bed and dressed yourself, barely worrying about your disheveled clothing or hair. You grabbed your most relaxed clothing, which was of course embroidered with First Order emblems. It's not like many people were awake at this hour and it was technically provided by the First Order. You left your room and headed down the corridor to the elevator. The First Order was actually fairly efficient in fixing things and you could barely tell that Kylo had a meltdown in there just days before. The elevator slowed before you reached your destination and the doors slid open. There stood the last person you wanted to see in this state.

"General Hux," you straightened yourself up, though it didn't really do any good, "I didn't expect anyone to be awake at this hour."

He stepped into the elevator with you and before you could run, the doors slid shut.

He glanced at your clothing, clearly wanting to say something about it, but to your surprise he withheld.

"Another sleepless night, Lieutenant?" His concern for you made you feel uneasy as he didn't show concern for anyone.

"Trying to adjust to all this time off." You lied.

"I fully expect you to get the rest you clearly need. I don't want you falling asleep at your post."

You yawn and try to hide your exhaustion. You're tired but your mind is too wound up to let you sleep. You hoped Kylo would help ease some of the tension in your body, but it was wishful thinking.

"I know just the thing you need," Hux turned to you, "exercise. That's where I'm heading now, you can join me. That is, if you're not too busy?"

Every excuse you could think of left your mind as you stared blankly, "um, I- sure." You relented without a viable reason.

The elevator stopped and you were kind of relieved that Hux invited you, if not, you would have had to explain why you were getting off the elevator on this floor. He stepped out and waited for you to follow. You knew it wasn't purely coincidence that Kylo's quarters were on this level, it was well known that he liked to workout.

Before joining the First Order, you hadn't put much thought into their training regimens or exercise routines. Once you were fully on board you were expected to exercise at least three times per week, alternating between cardio and weightlifting. You followed Hux into the large room that housed most of the training equipment. He left you for a moment and returned shortly, dressed in clothing similar to yours, but instead of looking like normal sweatpants, his seemed to be ironed without a single wrinkle. You were somewhat impressed at his dedication to look professional.

“Lieutenant,” Kylo’s voice carried from behind you and made you almost jump, “and General.”

You turned to see him looking absolutely amazing for someone who was covered in sweat. His sweatpants clung to his body and beads of sweat ran down his face and chest. You fought the urge to bite your lip and moan at his appearance, which did nothing for the ache between your thighs.

Hux all but sneered at Kylo, “here again, Ren?”

“Keeping up with my whereabouts again, General?” He tore his eyes away from you for a second before returning, “and you’re dragging the Lieutenant into it as well?”

“I couldn’t sleep.” You blurted out, trying to ease the tension between them. The last thing you wanted was to be caught in their argument.

“So, you sought out the General for some late-night training?” Kylo looked as though he was upset about you spending time with Hux, but you knew that couldn’t be the case.

Hux moved to speak but you interjected before he could, “I needed to get out some of this pent-up energy and Hux offered for me to join him.” You stared at Kylo and saw the faintest smirk across his face, he knew exactly why you were there now.

After another moment of staring you down, Kylo relented and left you with Hux. He remained in the room and you caught him glancing in your direction every now and then. Hux led you to the track that circled the room and set a pace a little more than jogging. You ran beside him in silence as you thought about your situation. If you were ever found out to be the spy, you knew they wouldn’t hesitate to end your life. It was becoming harder for you to see the clear lines of yourself, those boundaries began to blur as time passed and you wondered if you would ever be able to get out completely.

“I… need a break.” You stopped and bent over, placing your hands on your knees as you exhaled heavily.

Hux paused for a moment, “I’ll come back around,” he returned to his task and ran down the track.

Just when you thought you’d have a second to yourself, you could see the silhouette of Kylo approaching out of your peripherals. He stopped close to you but made no move to touch you.

“I know what you need,” he spoke low, “and it isn’t running in circle with the General.”

You glanced up at him, “what do I need, sir?” You feigned innocence but you knew exactly what he was talking about.

“How many times did you try?” His bluntness caught you off guard.

“Too many,” you hesitated to say anything else, but it came out anyways, “I was on my way to you when I ran into the General.”

“And you _assumed_ I’d be willing to help you deal with that pathetic mess between your thighs?” The way he spoke only made you want him more.

“I had hoped-“ before you could finish your sentence, Hux returned.

You glanced back at Kylo briefly before returning to run at Hux’s side. You could see the clear annoyance in his eyes that you’d left to run with him once more. If you didn’t know better, you would have thought he was jealous, but not Kylo Ren, he only cared about himself.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Desperate for sleep, you decide to try exhausting yourself in the gym but Kylo is hellbent on torturing you even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't come into this thinking Hux would be involved but here we are and I absolutely love it. Enjoy!
> 
> -supremeleadershitlord

You weren't the biggest fan of cardio but you had to admit that running laps with Hux was a decent distraction. Unfortunately, it did nothing to help you sleep. The moment your head hit the pillow, you were wide awake and the need for Kylo returned.

You headed to the gym the following night, determined to run until the ache in your legs overpowered the ache from Kylo's repeated denial or exhaust yourself until you passed out. Whichever came first.

You lost track of how many laps you ran. A couple of night time officers came in for short bursts of exercise before returning to work but for the most part, you were alone, running lap after lap until your chest burned and your body felt weak. A set of metal benches lined the right side of the track and even those looked inviting to your fatigued body. Each step you took was a reminder of how hard you pushed yourself to get rid of thoughts of Kylo. Whatever the game was the two of you were playing, he was winning by a landslide.

The cold metal of the bench against your back was harsh, but very welcoming. All of the running worked up quite a sweat and despite how cold the First Order liked to keep the gym, you felt like you just stepped out of a sauna.

You stared up at the ceiling, your eyes following a line of tubes that emitted bright white lights that were somehow easy on the eyes. General Hux was responsible for a lot of the design choices in the First Order and you had to admit, he did a good job.

Your eyes began to get heavy and your head turned slowly to the side as you dozed off, finally giving in to your exhaustion.

Your eyes slowly opened when the door to the gym was activated but you were too groggy to bother looking up. You weren’t even sure how long you had been asleep, it could’ve been seconds, minutes, or longer. You were disoriented enough to not even fully register you were still in the gym.

"Still can't find that sweet release?" Kylo asked as he hovered over you, shirtless and ready for his workout.

"It's your fault," you murmured, drifting in and out of consciousness. It was a bad situation to be in when you had enough trouble keeping your mouth shut around him fully awake.

He sat down on the bench next to your head and moved his hand slowly down your arm.  


"You were the one that told me to use you, Lieutenant," he taunted, looking down at you with his usual intensity as his hand crept down your stomach. The second his hand slipped passed the waistband of your sweatpants, you were wide awake.

"I said I wanted to help you." The moan that escaped your lips when the tip of his finger slid across your clit annoyed you. He gained satisfaction from your uncontrollable need to feel him.

"And you have. You've served your purpose."

Before you could hurl an insult his way, he slid his finger inside you.

"Still want me to have all of the power?" He asked, leaning over you to push his finger deeper. You brought your feet up on the bench and pushed yourself back, resting your head on his thigh and spreading your legs to give him better access to torture you further.

You wanted to say no, he had way too much control over you already, but he slid another finger inside you and soothed the ache just enough to keep you quiet.

Someone could've walked in at any second to Kylo with his hand in your pants but the only concern you had was whether or not he was going to let you come.

He pulled his fingers out and started moving in slow circles around your clit. You rested your hand on his forearm and glanced up to find him watching you intently, gauging your reactions to his touch.

"Do you want to come for me?" He asked just above a whisper. All you could manage was a nod, your lips parted as soft moans drifted out.

He pushed his fingers inside you once more until your body tensed and you gripped his arm tight. Just before you were about to come, he pulled his hand away and stood, leaving you disoriented and desperate once again.

"What the hell do you want from me, exactly?" You asked as the haze lifted. You rested your head on the bench where he was just sitting and sighed in frustration.

"What makes you think I want anything from you?" Kylo asked, taking a step closer to hover over you.

"You obviously want to torture me to death. Why?"

He lifted his leg over the bench and sat on your thighs, pinning you beneath him.

"I don't, I just want you so desperate for me you can't think straight," he replied, leaning down until his lips were mere inches from yours, "I want you so worn down that you have no choice but to get on your knees and beg for what you want."

"Why?" Your voice cracked as the word came out. The vulnerability you felt when he was close was unlike anything you had felt before and it terrified you.

"Because you still think you don't need me." He sat back, careful not to put too much of his weight on you as he stood and walked away to begin his workout.

You wanted to scream, partly because he kept denying you but mostly because you knew deep down you wouldn't be able to last much longer. You would end up begging him just like he wanted unless you found a way to get him out of your head.

"I gave you time off to rest, Lieutenant, and you seem to be doing everything but that." Hux's voice cut through your inner struggle and he appeared next to you.

"I came here to exhaust myself and the mission was definitely accomplished but I didn't consider the ramifications. I can't move."

You looked pitiful sprawled out on the uncomfortable bench, eyes glossy and tired from your sleep deprivation.

“I’ll help you back to your quarters after I run my laps,” he offered, once again surprising you with his concern for your wellbeing.

“It’s okay, I’ll drag myself there eventually,” you shrugged, hesitant to accept his help because you worked so closely with him. It seemed like you would be crossing some invisible line.

“And leave you here to sleep in the gym? I think not, Lieutenant. I’ll return when I’m done.” He headed towards the track before you got a chance to protest.

By the time he was done, you had dozed off on the bench again. You awoke to him bent down next to you while he lightly squeezed your shoulder.

“Do I need to tuck you in your bed myself to ensure you get the proper rest?”

You gave him a sleepy smile and barely opened your eyes, “maybe.”

He carefully pulled you up but it didn’t matter how gentle he was, your body ached all over. You pushed yourself way too hard in your quest to distract yourself from Kylo and you couldn’t stifle the groans when you tried to stand.

Your eyes shot open when Hux scooped you up, cradling you in his arms. Between Kylo’s torture and Hux’s unexpected care, you half expected to wake up in your bed at any second to find out all of it was a very realistic dream.

He carried you towards the door and the last thing you saw was Kylo staring at you rested against the General’s chest with a murderous gleam in his eyes and you knew without a doubt, you weren't dreaming.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seeing Hux's softer side was making it hard to see him as the enemy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll die on this hill of loving rough, demanding Kylo and soft, kind, Hux. - Thotful-Writing

Hux carried you effortlessly, seemingly oblivious to glares and whispers from the others that he passed in the hall. You still couldn’t get your mind off the way Kylo was staring at you, it almost frightened you to the point where you wanted to ask Hux to leave you in the gym, almost.

“I have to ask, why were you training so hard?” His question pulled you from your thoughts.

“I was hoping it would exhaust me to the point of passing out. Sleep hasn’t exactly been friendly with me lately.”

He approached your quarters and you felt relief wash over you, knowing you’d be back in the privacy of your own room and away from the weird triangle of egos you found yourself in.

“Is it the mole that has you so wound up?”

Lying was far easier than the truth, “I’m on edge, I don’t know who to trust anymore.” That part was somewhat true. The time you’d been spending with Hux and Kylo was proving to help skew your mission and your view of right and wrong.

You half expected him to leave you at your door, but he didn’t. He carried you into your room and even to your bed, placing you down gently. He grabbed your shoe and pulled it off, mimicking his actions with the other. This was a side of him you’d never seen before and it was throwing your entire opinion of him off.

“Rest, please. I don’t need my best Lieutenant dying from exhaustion,” he gave you a slight smile and headed for the door before turning back and looking at you, “I hope you know you can trust me?” He lingered for a moment and then left your room.

Your mind was swimming with everything that had transpired, but your body was pulling you down into the darkness with its overworked muscles. Your eyes grew heavier and the worries you held slipped to the back of your mind as you finally drifted off.

You shifted when you felt a pressure around your throat, trying to brush it off as a mid-sleep hallucination, but it only grew tighter. Your eyes opened warily to see a dark figure at the foot of your bed, looming over you.

“The General? Really?” Kylo’s voice was barely above a whisper but you could still hear the rage beneath it.

“Kylo, I-“ The pressure around your throat increased and your hands reached for your neck as you sat up in your bed, gasping for air.

He stepped around to the side of your bed before lowering his hand and releasing your throat. You choked and coughed as the air started to fill your lungs once more. You stared up at him as fear started to rise within you. You were fully aware of his ability to snap you in half without blinking an eye.

“How many others are you spreading your legs for in the First Order?” His eyes grew dark as he leered at you.

“No one else, I swear. Hux is only concerned-“ The pressure around your throat returned.

“Hux?” He sneered at the mention of the General’s name.

You took shallow breaths as the pressure remained light. You sat up on your knees and reached for him, running your hands up his chest, “I serve only you, _Supreme Leader Ren_.” Your voice was low, and the words struggled to come out, but you could tell he was beginning to enjoy that title.

He used the force around your throat to shove you back on the bed and lean down over you, “and if the General asked you to serve him?” His eyes roamed up your body.

“I’d refuse him,” you hated to admit it, but you were starting to give in to him, “I’m yours, sir.”

He lifted his hand and trailed his fingers down your throat to your chest, “mine? What makes you think I want you?” His hand moved further down, stopping at the waistband of your pants.

The pressure around your throat was gone but you found it hard to breathe with him this close, especially since he’d denied you so many times already, your body was becoming sensitive to his touch. All logical and reasonable thoughts had left your mind, your desperation, your pull to him was the only thing you were focused on.

“I don’t really care if you want me,” you blurted out, “I want you.” You sat up and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a deep kiss, catching him off guard.

He gave into you for the briefest of moments before pulling away and pushing you back down on the bed. He climbed off of you and stood at the side of your bed, regarding you as if he still wasn’t sure you were telling the truth. You sat up on your elbows, looking up at him, almost breathless from the kiss you’d stolen.

“Show me,” He finally said and the confused look on your face told him you weren’t sure what he meant, “show me how hard you try to make yourself come.”

You moved slowly, hesitant due to the anger he still held in his eyes as he watched you. He grabbed your pants and pulled them off quickly before pulling your legs apart and stepping back again. You couldn’t deny that you enjoyed his rough treatment of you, and it was quickly becoming addicting. You slid your hand down between your thighs and slowly circled your fingers around your clit. You withheld the information about how wet you were for him when he’d barely touched you. You already let him know you wanted him; you didn’t need to give him the satisfaction of knowing your body betrayed you in the best way possible just at his proximity.

“Doesn’t seem you’re trying very hard.” He crossed his arms.

You found it difficult to touch yourself when he was right there, every part of you wanted him to do it for you, even though you knew he wouldn’t let you come if he did. You moved your hand lower and eased two fingers inside, moaning at the feeling, but still wishing it was his hand.

“Maybe you’re struggling so much because _Hux_ has already taken care of you?” His finger lightly trailed up your ankle.

You shook your head, “no, he didn’t touch me. I don’t want him, I want you.” Your desperation made you feel weak, but that’s what you were when he was near.

He grabbed your ankles and pulled you to the edge of the bed and in one swift motion he had pinned your hands next to your thighs. He leaned down between your legs, his mouth hovering over you as you silently begged for what you needed. He looked up at you, his eyes still dark, waiting for your inevitable and complete submission to him. Suddenly he moved closer and ran the tip of his tongue perfectly over your clit, making your entire body tense and cry out for more.

He smirked at you, “you’ll break soon.”

Without another word, he released you and left your room. You sat up, completely frustrated and annoyed, at him and yourself. He had managed to completely disarm you and have your mind so entangled, you’d almost forgotten about your mission.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux is determined to make you get the rest you need and Kylo wants to wear you down even further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Lieutenant is playing with fire and I love it.
> 
> -supremeleadershitlord

Sleep didn't come easily after Kylo left your room. You were starting to feel like his goal was to slowly kill you. Aches and pains radiated all over your body when you slid out of bed. Running yourself ragged and not getting the proper rest was making you feel physically ill but you needed to get back to your post. At least work kept you semi-distracted from the chaos your life had become.

When you stepped up next to Hux on the bridge in your usual spot, he glanced your way and the slight smile on his face completely disappeared.

“Did you sleep at all after I left your quarters?” He whispered, trying not to draw attention to your private conversation.

“I tried, but it was interrupted,” you admitted, the second the words left your mouth you wanted to bang your head against the wall.

“Interrupted? By whom?” The slight look of concern on his usually stern face didn’t go unnoticed.

“It was a bad dream,” you lied, hoping he wouldn’t push for more. Hux stepped back and grazed your lower back with his hand, guiding you away from the crew for a little more privacy.

“I don’t want to pry, but as your superior, I have to know what’s going on when it starts affecting your work.” He kept his voice low and dropped his professional demeanor. For a moment, he didn’t seem like the ruthless General of the First Order, just a friend concerned with your well-being. It did nothing to help you put things in perspective. If anything, it blurred the line even further. Especially when you realized that doing a less than stellar job for him bothered you.

“It’s been affecting my work? I- “ you stumbled over your words. Everything had been weighing you down but you tried your best to push it away when you were on duty. If cracks were showing, it was only a matter of time before someone put the pieces together.

“No, you’re doing quite well. You’re still my best but you look like you’re going to collapse at any second and I can’t have that on my bridge,” he explained, stepping closer to rest his hand on your arm, “tell me what I can do to help you. Do you need more time off?”

“I just need sleep.” It was a half truth. You desperately needed sleep but you also needed Kylo to stop his torture and soothe the intense ache inside of you.

“It’s more than that, Lieutenant, I’m not blind,” he sighed and dropped his arm to his side, “something is consuming you and if you won’t tell me what it is, I can’t help you.”

“Why do you want to help me? You’re not like this with anyone else.” You didn’t mean for it to come out as harsh as it did but you weren’t thinking rationally. The pressure of everything felt like a vice tightening around you.

“Go to my quarters right now, I’ll be along soon,” he snapped, turning to leave before you could ask why. You stood there dumbfounded, wondering if you even heard him correctly. Why would Hux want you to meet him in his own private area?

“That’s an order, Lieutenant!” He shouted back when he noticed you hadn’t moved.

“Yes, sir,” you mumbled as you turned to head towards the elevator.

As if the universe was out to destroy you completely, the doors opened and Kylo was standing before you. He stared back but remained silent and your mood soured even more. Taking a step back, you crossed your arms, ready to wait for the elevator to return without him on it. Of course, he had other plans and pulled you into the elevator with the force, holding you still in front of him while the doors closed behind you.

“What’s the matter, Lieutenant? Too frustrated to sleep?” The slightest hint of a smile appeared for a split second as he looked down at you.

“You’re a dick, you know that?” You shot back. Your mouth was going to get you killed if you didn’t find a way to shake off the stress you were feeling. He leaned down close to your lips, the warmth of his breath hit your skin and your body tensed. You could feel him release the hold he had on you but no power in the galaxy could make you move away.

“And yet, you still want me,” he said just above a whisper, his lips brushing against yours, “no wonder you can’t sleep. Tossing and turning, so desperate for a release that won’t ever come… _beg me_.”

The doors opened and snapped you out of the spell he had once again managed to put you under. You stepped back until the corridor came into view. Fists clenched and heart pounding, you fought the urge to get on your knees and beg him just like he expected you to do.

“You must be exhausted if you can’t even remember which floor you need,” he taunted and looked way too satisfied with the obvious effect he had on you. Opening your mouth again was a horrible idea but you wanted to shut him up, even if the silence was short lived.

“I didn't forget. I’m going to someone else’s room,” you replied as the doors closed.

It was a small victory but you felt a little satisfaction as you made your way to the General's quarters. He had given you the code to his door a while ago in case there was any kind of emergency when he wasn't on duty. His living area was pristine, not a single thing was out of place. It barely looked lived in but it’s exactly what you’d expect from someone as put together as Hux.

It didn't take long for the door to slide open. Hux found you sitting on his couch, paranoid of touching anything or making a wrong move.

"In the bedroom," he demanded. You were too surprised to move. He had been nice to you but there was never any hint that he wanted more. Even if he did, that wasn't the kind of thing he would let slip and the odds of him breaking protocol to sleep with a subordinate we're slim to none.

"I will not tell you again."

You looked up to see him standing at the doorway to his bedroom with his hands clasped behind his back. He certainly didn't look like he was about to make a move on you. Hesitant, you stood and crossed the room towards him. He pointed to his perfectly made bed.

"Since you won't tell me who or what is keeping you awake, you're not leaving this room until you get enough rest to return to your post."

"I have my own bed, sir. I'm not taking yours," you protested, refusing to step across the threshold into his personal space.

"I don't recall giving you a choice, Lieutenant. I'll be here to make sure no one disturbs you. You're safe here." He wasn't taking no for an answer and you had to admit his concern was refreshing. You didn't have any close friends within the First Order. It was easier to separate yourself from everyone as much as possible. It was a very lonely existence but it helped you survive the mission.

"Are you sure?" Accepting the offer to sleep in his bed felt odd. It was another situation that felt more like a dream than reality considering just a few days before, you weren't sure if the General even liked you. It always seemed as though he tolerated you like he did with most.

He stepped closer to you and leaned in as he spoke, "stop questioning my orders and get in my bed before I pick you up and carry you there."

Maybe it was the sleep deprivation or your intense need for an orgasm, but the way he said it seemed a little flirtatious and you couldn't help the words that came out next.

"Don't tease me, General. Sleep isn't the only thing I've been deprived of." You smiled as you passed by him and kicked off your shoes.

His bed felt like heaven, warm and comfortable like you were in a cocoon. He remained by the door until you were settled and turned the light off, leaving you to drift off to sleep, but something else happened. Thoughts of how angry Kylo would be if he found out you were sleeping in Hux's bed gave you a rush of adrenaline. He thought he owned you and doing something to prove otherwise had your hand drifting down passed the waistband of your pants.

Your mind wandered to Kylo walking in, rage in his eyes over your betrayal and hell-bent on proving who you belong to. The tips of your fingers swirled around your clit as the Kylo in your imagination ripped at your clothes and pinned you to the bed. All of the things he had said to you echoed in your head as your fingers moved further down, determined to soothe the ache inside you.

You refused to let him leave you hanging again and did what he wanted. You pulled him close and begged as you brushed your lips against his. The intensity of the daydream pulled you so far from reality that you forgot where you were. The pressure was building in your body and the release you so desperately needed was finally within reach. Shallow breaths and soft barely audible moans drifted passed your lips.

"I thought I told you to sleep, Lieutenant," Hux said from the doorway, ripping you out of your fantasy world and depriving you of the thing you wanted the most.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being caught int that position by General Hux was not high on your to-do list, but there you were, in his bed lusting after Kylo Ren with only the company of your own fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Supremeleadershitlord, I'm not even sorry for leaving you with this. Enjoy! -Thotful-Writing

“General, I- shit-“ You struggled to make complete sentences as all words failed to explain what you were doing.

He moved further into the room and you felt the heat flushing across your cheeks at the fact that he’d just caught you in the middle of touching yourself to Kylo Ren, though he didn’t need to know that last part.

“Is this what’s been keeping you from sleeping, Lieutenant?” He crossed his arms behind his back as he stood at the foot of the bed.

“In a way, yes.” More lies seemed better than telling him it wasn’t _exactly_ that keeping you up and that it was the constant sexual deprivation by Kylo.

“I must say I’m a little disappointed in you, letting something so trivial get in the way of your rest.” The fact that he didn’t immediately leave the room after finding you so indisposed, was only causing you more confusion.

“I’m so sorry, General. I know I shouldn’t have, but your bed was comfortable and I was so relaxed-“

He moved closer to the bed, “if this is what’s been causing you so much turmoil, I’d be willing to help.”

His offer completely caught you off guard, was he really saying what you thought he was? Besides the fact that he was your superior, if Kylo found out you let him assist you in getting off, he’d surely murder you both.

“That’s very kind of you to offer, but I couldn’t let you cross that line, sir. You’re my superior and if Supreme Leader Snoke ever-“

“It’s merely a means to an end, Lieutenant,” he moved to the side of the bed next to you, “but perhaps there is another way I could be of service without getting _fully_ involved?”

You shift in the bed, unsure of what he means, “I really couldn’t ask you to-“

“You’re not asking, I’m offering, Lieutenant. Now, continue what you were doing before.”

You were reluctant, but the ache between your thighs was persistent and being interrupted by the General so close to your release did not help at all.

“I won’t tell you again, Lieutenant.” He all but barked at you, which only drove your depravity further at being commanded.

You slid your hand back down between your thighs, still hesitant and completely unsure of what he was going to do. You were so desperate for your release; you honestly didn’t care how you got it anymore. Your fingers brushed over your clit and a small moan escaped your lips. Before you knew it you were working yourself up again, getting close once more. Hux leaned over you and ran his hand up to your throat, adding slight pressure.

“My poor Lieutenant,” Hux spoke low, “suffering for so long,” he moved closer to your ear, speaking barely above a whisper, “are you going to come for your General?”

His words were dizzying, and the mixture of pre-orgasm haze did nothing to make you reconsider your situation. His proximity, his touch, his mere presence made you think about letting him help you more, but you were already in deep enough with Kylo, you didn’t need to add another person to the mix.

You eased your fingers inside yourself and you weren’t able to stop the moan that escaped your lips, “yes, General.”

“Good girl,” Hux grabbed the thin sheet that had been shielding your lower half from him, his eyes wandering down to where your hand moved beneath the fabric of your panties.

You moaned and bucked against your fingers, so close and still fighting to chase your release. Images of Kylo’s face between your thighs began to flood your mind. Hux watched as you writhed in his bed, taking what you wanted with him standing next to you.

“Let go, Lieutenant.” He spoke in an almost breathless tone.

His words urged you further and your hand snapped up over his forearm, gripping him tightly as you finally came, pleasure washing over your entire body as you trembled at the finality of your release. Broken remnants of Hux’s name passed your lips and it took all of your strength to not shout out for Kylo. Your grip on Hux released as you began to come down and feel the gravity of the situation beginning to weigh on you again. He stepped back from you and cleared his throat, straightening himself to near perfection.

“Now, get some rest, Lieutenant.” He ordered and left the room without another word, which you were glad for. You weren’t exactly excited to talk about what had just happened.

You laid back and pulled the sheet back over you, finding a comfortable position and reveling in the fluidity of your muscles after your orgasm. Sleep found you quickly and without a hitch, you had the best sleep you’d had in months.

You woke to find a clean uniform waiting for you, but no Hux to be seen. You were a little saddened he had left, but also relieved about missing the mid-morning awkward conversation. You grabbed your clothes and got dressed, feeling rested and ready to return to work. Though the aches in your muscles remained, you no longer felt the same degree of desperation as before. Your need for Kylo was still there, but at least you’d quelled your hunger long enough to get a good night’s rest. You joined the General on the bridge and remained at your post until Kylo walked in.

He glanced at you before turning to Hux, “General, I was informed that-“ he paused and looked over at you again. You could feel his gaze burning through you, but you refused to meet it.

“I was informed that we had picked up a transmission from a nearby Resistance ship?” He returned to the General.

“Yes, we’re in the process of decoding it now. It should be ready within the hour.” Hux watched as Kylo’s gaze settled on you once more.

“Good. Lieutenant, a word?” Kylo addressed you directly and you felt the tension return to your body, tenfold.

You took a deep breath before following him, glancing at Hux and seeing a look of suspicion on his face. You averted your gaze and set it to the floor in front of you as you walked to what you could only assume was your death. The split second between stepping into the corridor and turning to the left, Kylo had you pinned against the wall with his hand firmly around your throat.

“You’re different,” he eyed you up and down, “relaxed, less tense than you were yesterday.”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about-“

A faint smirk crossed his lips briefly, “ah, that’s what it is,” he glanced around to make sure you were alone before leaning close to your lips, “how was it? I can only assume it wasn’t nearly as satisfying without my help.”

Kylo looked too happy with himself, knowing you had to resort to touching yourself and most likely feeling jilted in the end. His arrogance was becoming annoying and if you were smart, you would’ve agreed and let him continue his torture, but you weren’t smart, at least not in that moment.

“Hux filled in where you couldn’t.” The words left your mouth and you saw your life flash before your eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo vows to make you suffer and you end up in yet another compromising position with the General.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You started a war, thotful-writing... have fun with this one.
> 
> -supremeleadershitlord

The only thing you knew with absolute certainty was your mouth was going to be the death of you and the feral look in Kylo Ren's eyes would be the final image burned into your brain before your demise. All you could hear was the deafening sound of your heart beating frantically in your chest as you stared back at him.

He leaned in, the warmth of his long, deep breaths hit your lips in waves.

“I’m going to make you suffer,” he whispered, brushing his lips against yours, “and when I’m done breaking you, no one will be able to piece you back together.”

As if you hadn’t already dug yourself a deep enough hole, you decided to make it worse by opening your mouth again.

“What’s the matter, _Supreme Leader_? You mad the General got me off before you could?” You stared back at him, adrenaline pumping through your veins. Your fear decided to check out and there was no stopping yourself when you cupped his face and put the final nail in your coffin, “he didn’t even have to fuck me.”

Footsteps echoed down the long corridor and a pair of Stormtroopers appeared. Kylo stepped away to put some distance between you until they passed but before he could slam you against the wall again, General Hux's voice cut through the tension.

“Lieutenant, back to your post!” He barked, his voice echoing down the hallway.

“I’m coming, General.” You kept your eyes on Kylo’s as the words came out and added a little smirk for good measure.

Hux disappeared around the corner again and Kylo grabbed your wrist as you started to walk away. He shoved you into the nearest room and bent you over a large conference table facing the door. It was left wide open and for a split second, you thought he was so furious with you that he forgot to close it but his intentions were abundantly clear when he pulled your pants down.

“You know the General is going to come looking for you again,” he whispered against your ear, “you better stay quiet.”

He slammed you down against the table and bent down behind you, burying his face between your thighs. You bit your bottom lip so hard you nearly drew blood and clawed at the slick table top in a desperate attempt to silence your moans. It felt like he was devouring you, his tongue moved rapidly around your clit as he dug his fingers into your hips. You were too consumed by your own euphoria to keep an eye on the door, someone could walk by at any second and see you writhing on the table.

Your legs started to go weak, trembling from Kylo’s relentless tongue. When your knees started to bend, he gripped your thighs and supported your weight while your upper half was slumped over the table. You were seconds from coming when you heard it.

“Lieutenant!” The General’s voice echoed down the corridor and you scrambled to get out of Kylo’s grasp, frantically slapping at his forearms, but he shifted underneath you to get a better angle and hold you in place. When Hux appeared in the doorway, you were in the midst of riding Kylo Ren’s face under the conference room table.

“I ordered you back to your post and you deliberately disobeyed me. Don’t think after what transpired last night that you have some sort of leniency when it comes to following my orders,” he snapped, keeping his voice low in case someone passed by.

“Of course not, sir,” you replied, struggling to steady your breathing and keep your expression neutral, “I started to feel a little sick and… fuck… I needed a minute. My apologies, sir.” You squirmed against the table and tried your best to keep the exposed lower half of your body hidden from view behind the table while Kylo moved his tongue slowly back and forth over your clit.

“Are you okay, Lieutenant? You look a bit pale.” Hux stepped forward but you put your hand up immediately to stop him. Panic was rising inside you but the things Kylo was making you feel with one simple movement made you care less and less about getting caught.

“Yes, General. I’m okay, just some really bad cramps,” you blurted out, hoping that would be enough to make him back away.

He frowned at you but didn’t come any closer. It was taking every bit of your willpower not to scream Kylo’s name and he made it so much worse when he slid a finger inside you. A sharp intake of breath had Hux concerned once again.

“It’s fine, it’ll pass in a few minutes. They never last long.” A slight whimper followed as Kylo pushed a second finger deep inside of you.

“If you need assistance, do tell me so I can get you the proper help,” Hux said, clasping his hands behind his back as he regarded you, “perhaps a warm compress?”

“Yes!” Kylo’s fingers hit just right and you couldn’t hold back but you managed a quick recovery, “a warm compress would be great.”

“Anything else? Something for the pain, perhaps?”

All you could do was nod your head as you fought with everything you had not to come completely undone in front of Hux. Holding back your own orgasm at the hands of Kylo wasn’t something you thought would ever happen, but he had a way of putting you in situations you never thought would become a reality.

“Very well, you try to… get comfortable. I’ll get someone here as quickly as possible.” Hux nodded once and left the room just before you banged your fist on the table, ready to finally let go and get the sweet release Kylo had been teasing. But it never came. He slid out from underneath you and stood, mouth and chin glistening with your wetness as he turned you around and pushed you against the table.

“Do you want to come for me?” He asked, licking his lips as he looked down at you. Something about seeing his face wet from eating you out was too much to handle.

“Yes, Supreme Leader Ren. Please make me come, I’m begging you.”

He looked thoroughly satisfied with your submission and leaned in close, For a second, you thought he was going to kiss you but his lips barely touched yours when he spoke, “beg all you want, the only way you’re coming is when I finally take pity on you.”

“But you said all I had to do was beg… “ the words came out with every bit of desperation you felt. Getting denied again when you were so close to getting what you wanted made you want to scream.

“The game changed when you let him touch what’s mine,” he whispered before pulling you into a harsh kiss. You could taste yourself on his lips and it did nothing to help the familiar ache that returned with a vengeance between your legs.

“I told you I’d make you suffer,” he pulled away and caressed your cheek with the backs of his fingers. The cold leather of his gloves sent a shiver through your body. You wanted to lean into his touch before he walked away but you were frozen in place, pants around your ankles and left wanting yet again.

Once General Hux dismissed you for the night, you changed your clothes and headed straight for the bar, ready to forget the last few days. There was a lounge for all First Order personnel to kick back and relax when they were off duty. You had spent very little time there because socializing with the enemy in your free time wasn’t high on your list of priorities but the lines had gotten so blurred, you didn’t care anymore. A large pitcher of ale and a dark corner booth sounded like the perfect way to spend your time after a long shift.

"You must be feeling better."

You looked up to see General Hux standing across from you. Alarm bells sounded in your head. After what he did to help you get off, talking to him while you were plastered seemed like a very bad idea. Especially when you were right back to dealing with the need to get off thanks to Kylo.

"Warm compresses and booze." You held your half empty glass up and grinned before taking a drink. There was no denying you found the General attractive and in your drunken haze, you didn’t even try to hide it. Your eyes drifted down to his lips and you remembered how close they were to your ear when he was _helping_ you the night before.

“Want to help me finish this pitcher?” You pushed it to the center of the table without taking your eyes off of him. Drinking only exacerbated the issues you were having with Kylo. The need to ride someone was overpowering and your boss was looking like a good option despite the voice in the back of your head screaming for you to stop.

“One drink, I’m not here to be your babysitter again,” he chided as he took a seat across from you. The slight upturn at the corner of his mouth let you know he wasn’t completely serious. It seemed the General didn’t mind having you around and it felt nice. Kylo was determined to drive you insane with need and since you joined the First Order, you had mostly kept to yourself. It was lonely and you didn’t realize how touch starved you were until recently.

The two of you finished off the pitcher and ordered another round of drinks. The alcohol had lifted a huge weight off of you and even though you knew it was temporary, you enjoyed every second.

“You need to get out of here before I have to carry you back to your quarters again, Lieutenant,” he said after you finished the second round of drinks he ordered. While he wasn’t nearly as drunk as you, he was noticeably more relaxed than usual. You could feel yourself softening towards the ruthless General and it blurred the line even further. Each day seemed to make you feel less like an informant and more like a part of the First Order.

Hux helped you to your room, taking the less traveled corridors along the way to avoid prying eyes. Having his arm tightly around you felt better than it should have, warm and comforting like you were craving.

"Here we are," he announced when you came to a stop in front of your door. He released you and you realized how drunk you really were leaning on the wall to keep from falling.

"Fuck, I'm gonna hate myself when I wake up," you mumbled and began sliding to the floor, ready to sleep it off right there. Hux caught you just in time and pulled you to his chest.

"If you vomit on me, you will be punished, Lieutenant," he warned, pressing a code into the pad next to your door. It slid open and he all but carried you inside.

"Will you at least let me come?" Your words were running together and you knew how close you were to saying too much but your filter was gone and repercussions no longer existed in your mind.

"That's not the sort of punishment I had in mind and I'm not one to withhold such things," he openly admitted, though you had your doubts. He seemed like just the type to leave you hanging to show how much power he really had.

"Then maybe I should've been fucking you instead of ky-" you tripped over your own feet and went down flailing, nearly bringing Hux with you.

"You are more trouble than you're worth, Lieutenant," he said, hovering over you with his hands rested on the floor next to your hips.

"I'm really starting to feel that way," you laughed. The situations you were repeatedly finding yourself in we're getting more ridiculous by the day. You couldn't help but wonder if the universe was punishing you.

Hux hooked his arms under your shoulders and sat you up, bringing you face to face with him. Your eyes settled on his lips and you inched forward. You had done a lot of stupid things over the last couple of days, but kissing Hux? That would be a massive mistake.

And that's exactly what you did.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A drunken kiss with Hux forces you into a few realizations that you weren't quite ready for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I'm super sorry about this heartbreaking chapter I'm leaving you with, but I know you'll get me back. -Thotful-Writing (Sorry again, ILY)

The second your lips touched his you felt a rush of excitement and relief, finally feeling some intimacy that wasn’t complete torture. He was gentle and soft with his kiss, nothing like Kylo was. He cupped your face and pulled you closer to his chest, letting you feel as though you could stay like this forever, but it was short lived as Hux pulled away from you.

“We can’t, Lieutenant,” he looked almost regretful, “you were right the other day, this would only complicate things for us, and Snoke-“

You shook your head, “no, it’s fine, totally fine. I understand.” You tried to hide the disappointment in your voice and hoped he bought it.

“It’s not you, I just-“

“Seriously, I’m fine,” you gave him a half attempt at a smile, “I should get to bed.” You struggled to stand and felt his hands on your hips, helping keep you steady.

“I got it, you should probably go, big day of work tomorrow.” The longer he was there, the more you started to hate yourself and the sting of rejection set in.

He stood up next to you, still trying to guide you to your bed, “are you sure you’re alright?”

You turned back to him, “yes, General.” You could see the slight disappointment in his eyes that you hadn’t used his name and without another word he left, leaving you feeling even worse than before.

You crawled up into your bed and flopped down, the tightness in your chest couldn’t be stopped and the tears started to flow. You hated yourself for what you’d become, for what you’d let Kylo do to you. You had clear instructions, a clear mission, and now here you were throwing yourself at any man who showed you even a modicum of attention. The tears flowed as your heart ached for how fucked everything had become, everything you worked for, everything you promised General Organa and now you felt like the biggest let down in the galaxy.

You couldn’t stop the full sobs that were now coming out as you cried into your pillow, so you weren’t fully aware of the person standing at the end of your bed until he cleared his throat. Your head shot up and your red, puffy eyes fell on Kylo Ren. He said nothing but looked as though he wanted to disappear altogether.

“Don’t you knock?” You snapped at him, the mix of alcohol and emotional distress was taking away any filter you had.

“I did, but you were… crying, so I guess you didn’t hear me.” His tone was softer than you’d heard before, almost scared to make a wrong move or say the wrong thing.

“Well, what did you want?” You honestly just wanted to stay in your pit of self-loathing alone for a little while.

He averted his gaze from you and shifted nervously, “I received word that you were seen with the General and-“

“And you thought you’d come punish me again? Torture me a little bit more for trying not to feel like just a pathetic slut for you to use?” Your sadness was quickly turning to anger as you directed your frustration at him.

“I didn’t-“ He froze, looking as though he was trying to decide if he should come closer or leave, “I’m not sure what you want from me?”

“Just leave, that’ll save us both the embarrassment of you faking emotion long enough to comfort me.” You returned to your pillow, your only source of comfort for the time being.

Kylo turned to leave but paused when he heard you start to softly sob again. You knew you had made it seem like all of this was his fault, but it wasn’t like you could tell him the complete truth.

“May I stay?” He asked softly and it was the first time he’d ever actually asked you permission to invade your space.

“Doesn’t matter.” You choked back a sob and tried to ignore his presence, but he made it difficult to do when you felt his weight on the bed and the mattress dip down behind you.

You were shocked to feel him settle behind you and place his arm around you, pulling you back against his chest. His entire body was tense as he held you and you knew he wasn’t experienced in cuddling or comforting someone. His effort made you feel a little better, but the affection wouldn’t last, and that made you feel the overwhelming sadness return. You were so desperate for affection, some kind of intimacy without feeling like you were being punished. He was able to simultaneously make you feel wanted and useless, which only confused you more with each passing day.

As he seemed to settle into the intimacy you started to wonder if he was sincere, if there was any part of him that could actually care about you, and then the guilt set in. You’d kissed Hux just moments before he entered your room and you knew he deserved to know. You toyed with the thought of not telling him, keeping it to yourself because you knew he would be livid and whatever punishment he dished out would be worse than anything you’d had thus far.

“I kissed Hux,” you wanted to get it out in the open and suffer whatever the consequences were, “I’d say it was the alcohol, but it wasn’t completely.”

You felt him stiffen and his body tense even more and he remained silent for a few minutes, “anything else?” He asked as if he was waiting for another confession.

“No and I’m not sure that I would, he was here and so sweet and caring and I-“

“We both know that’s not something I can give you,” he tightened his hold on you, “and you won’t be getting it from him anymore either, understood?” His cold, controlling demeanor returned and you realized he was only holding you for your own comfort, it did nothing for him.

“Of course.” You held your breath and tried to fight the tears from starting again, but they flowed silently down your cheeks. Everything was fucked and you had no idea how you were going to survive it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hard day takes an unexpected turn that leaves you more lost and confused than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hurt myself and I have regrets. I love you, don't hate me, thotful-writing.
> 
> Also, thank you for all of the comments and kudos so far, the feedback has been amazing.
> 
> -supremeleadershitlord

You knew the moment Kylo left. Your tears had finally subsided and your eyes started to get heavy when the mattress shifted. Your chest tightened and the tears flowed again when you heard the door close. It wasn’t like you expected him to stay the entire night, but you hoped he would. Even though his comfort was forced and didn’t mean anything to him, it still gave you some of the intimacy you craved.

Working next to Hux after kissing him was even more uncomfortable than you expected. Mainly because the sting of rejection still lingered but also because you couldn't get the way the kiss felt out of your head. It was soft and slow, like he wanted to draw it out as long as possible and you knew he wanted more.

"Lieutenant, I won't say it again, keep your mind here and now!" Hux snapped, pulling you from the memory. There was no trace of the man you had kissed the night before. He was stressed and you were the lightning rod for his frustration because you worked alongside him.

A Resistance cruiser had been found in a nearby system and the First Order was in the midst of testing out lightspeed tracking. The pressure was like an anvil hovering above the entire crew and it was taking everything you had not to burst into tears in front of him.

Supreme Leader Snoke was waiting in the wings, prepared to punish the General and Kylo if the cruiser got away again. Kylo was with the fleet ready to jump in his fighter and unleash hell on the cruiser at a moment's notice. What the First Order didn't know is that you alerted the Resistance to the new tracking technology and the cruiser they had in their sights was empty save for one person ready to die so the rest of the fleet could get away.

The sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach grew worse by the second. Despite being used to traveling at lightspeed, something about the jump to track the cruiser made your throat tighten and all you could manage was shallow breaths. Chest pains and tingling down your arms had you frozen in place as the cruiser came into view and the barrage began.

“Lieutenant! Pull yourself together or get the hell off my bridge!” Hux yelled. TIE Fighters swarmed the cruiser and opened fire while Hux’s voice cut through the air, shouting orders and commanding the fleet. It felt as though everything was moving in slow motion as you turned to leave. You fully expected the General to berate you for walking away but he was too distracted by the task at hand to bother. You entered the nearest elevator and kept it together until the doors closed and the tears started again.

Alerting the Resistance to the impending attack should’ve felt like a victory. You were happy they managed to get away, but there was a part of you that felt like you betrayed Kylo and Hux in the process and that made you feel horrible. You knew Snoke was ruthless, it was common knowledge that Kylo and Hux had been on the receiving end of his brutality on more than one occasion.

Your room was too far of a walk while you were sobbing uncontrollably so you exited the elevator on a random floor and found a vacant room. You leaned against the wall next to the door and slid down to the floor, ready to cry until you had no tears left.

The sound of hushed voices down the corridor pulled you from your post cry numbness a while later. You weren't sure who the voices belonged to until they made their way down the hall and it was the last two people you wanted to hear. On a ship as big as the Supremacy, it was ridiculous how quickly they ended up near you.

"It had to be the mole, there's no other explanation," Hux said, growing increasingly more frustrated as the conversation continued.

"I told you to plug the leak and here we are one step behind them again," Kylo shot back.

"It's not my responsibility, Ren. I command the army, I don't have time to seek out the informant."

"Fix it or you won't be alive long enough to see the end of the Resistance," Kylo nearly growled in response. Their dislike of one another only seemed to grow once you entered the picture and it made you feel even worse.

"I don't respond kindly to threats, Commander. Perhaps you should spend a little less time protecting your mother and a little more time focusing on what's best for the First Order."

You didn't want to hear anymore of the conversation but your only way out was through the doorway close to them. You were stuck hearing an argument between the two men you had started to care about.

"And you should spend less time trying to fuck your subordinates, _General_. Or maybe you want the Supreme Leader to find out that's why we're always one step behind the Resistance." Silence fell over the corridor and footsteps soon followed.

A few minutes passed and you finally pulled yourself off of the cold floor. Between the stress and all of the crying you had done, fatigue was inevitable. Your mind and body were tired, worn down by the weight of the impossible situation you found yourself in.

The second you emerged from the room, someone ran smack into you. He grabbed your arms to steady you and when you glanced up, you saw the confused face of General Hux staring back at you.

“How long… have you been in there this whole time?” He kept a loose grip on your arms, holding you close to him.

There was no use in lying, he would’ve seen you enter the room had you shown up after his altercation with Kylo. You nodded and braced yourself for some sort of punishment for leaving in the middle of the attack on the Resistance cruiser.

“I needed a place to be alone for a while. I’m sorry, I… I didn’t want to overhear any of that,” you admitted, avoiding eye contact with him.

“Are you okay, Lieutenant?” His voice was soft and full of concern, you could tell he wasn’t just asking about the incident on the bridge.

You barely shook your head in response. How could you even begin to tell him how messed up things really were? It was impossible without revealing your ties to the Resistance. When you finally looked up at him, you noticed his disheveled appearance. His hair was ruffled and he had a bit of blood at the corner of his mouth.

You brought your hand up to his cheek and moved your thumb over the blood to wipe it away but he grabbed your wrist before you could finish. Your breath caught in your throat when he pulled you to his chest and pressed his lips to yours. It was slow and tender just as he had done the first time. His hands came up to cup your face as he backed you into the room you had just left. His tongue slipped past your lips and he pushed you gently against the wall, pressing his body against yours to deepen the kiss. The faint taste of blood on his tongue made your heart ache, you knew he had suffered at the hands of Snoke because of the intel you sent to the Resistance.

You wrapped your arms around his waist to pull him harder against you as your tongues swirled around one another. For a moment, all of the bad faded from your mind and you were focused solely on him. There was no denying Hux was just as desperate for affection as you, it was obvious in the way he held you, slowly rubbing your cheeks while his tongue moved across your bottom lip.

He pulled back but kept you close, staring back at you with a half smile.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” you whispered. The guilt over getting him and Kylo in trouble with Snoke hit you harder than you expected.

“Don’t be. I didn’t want to yell at you, but… I can’t show favoritism, no matter how much I may want to," he said just above a whisper. It was one of the last things you expected him to say. Hux was known for being a relentless asshole, you had been dealing with it for a very long time.

“You want to?” You leaned into his touch and he didn't move his hand away. Never in a million years did you think the General would be your comfort and Kylo would be your pain.

“All the time," he admitted.

“I don’t deserve that.”

“Yes, you do. If things were different… less complicated… “ he trailed off but you knew what he meant and there was a part of you that felt the same. He tugged gently on your bottom lip with the pad of his thumb and leaned down to give you a kiss on the forehead before he left.

It was that moment you realized, you no longer had a place in the Resistance. Your heart and mind were with the First Order and you never felt more confused.

When you finally pulled yourself together, you left the room and followed the corridors all the way to the source of your pain like a moth to a flame. You were no longer in control and it scared the hell out of you. After a quick knock on Kylo's door, you waited, heart beating hard and fast in your chest.

When he answered, your eyes immediately settled on his bare chest. The small circular patch of scorched skin just below his shoulder made your voice shake when you spoke.

“Are you okay?”

He shifted in place, unsure how to respond to your concern. The need to comfort him was overpowering but you knew he wouldn’t let you. Your heart ached _for_ him and _because_ of him and no matter how much you wanted to run far away and never look back, you couldn’t.

“Why are you here?" He asked, ignoring your question completely.

“Distract me. I don't want to feel like this right now and I don't care if I feel worse after.” The words hung in the air between you. The tension was so thick it was suffocating and waiting for him to answer was pure torture. His expression didn’t give anything away as he stared back at you, contemplating his next move.

"I told you I'm not here for your comfort."

"I know what you said and I'm not asking you for comfort. I'm asking you to use me again. So, do it… or let me go." Your bottom lip trembled slightly as you fought back more tears. You felt like an exposed nerve at the mercy of everyone and everything around you.

He stepped aside to let you enter, but the second you were close enough, he lifted you into his arms and kissed you hard. The door slid closed and he spun around to press your back against the closest wall. The urgency in his kiss caught you by surprise, you could feel how much he needed you just as you felt with Hux. The three of you formed a dangerous and painful touch starved triangle… and it was destroying you.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You sought out Kylo to distract you from every thought that ran rampant through your mind, he ended up leaving you sore and bruised, along with more questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm fairly certain I need Kylo to break me in half like a goddamn pretzel stick. Writing this chapter was thirst city for me and I loved it. Parts were inspired by the song Put It On Me by Matt Maeson. -Thotful_Writing
> 
> Also, thank you so much for the interaction, we really appreciate it and it helps give us confirmation that we're all basically thirsty hoes in this together.

Every ounce of your being craved him, his touch, his kiss, it was all becoming overwhelming and you felt like you were drowning, but you weren’t ready to be saved yet. He grabbed your hair roughly and jerked your head back, running his tongue up your throat before sinking his teeth into the side of your neck. You clung to him, your nails scraping across his bare shoulders and your mouth hanging open in a silent gasp as he pulled and ripped at your clothing, as if he was just as desperate to feel your skin against his as you were. He stepped away from the wall and carried you to his bed, his lips never leaving yours for a second. He all but threw you down on the mattress before crawling up your body, his eyes dark and predatory as they remained fixed on you. He grabbed your shirt and tore through the fabric like it was nothing. Every move he made was more animalistic than you’d ever seen before, it was the perfect distraction from Hux’s softness.

He hovered over you, breathing heavily, sweat glistening across every muscle and scar. For a split second you felt pity, seeing the pain that had been inflicted on him, but you shut yourself off, you didn’t want to feel any emotions right now. You wrapped your arms around his neck and grabbed a handful of his hair, pulling him down to you. You kissed him with urgency, needing him to rid you of every ounce of guilt and emotion you were feeling. He settled between your legs and in one swift thrust he filled you completely, making you cry out and arch your back off the mattress. He grabbed your hips and dug his fingers into your soft skin, hard enough to leave the bruises you loved.

“I don’t plan on stopping until you’re broken.” He stilled within you.

“Just fucking do it.” You panted, readying yourself for utter and complete destruction.

The smirk that played across his face was the last thing you remembered seeing before he slammed into you, sending you sliding up the bed. He pulled you back down while he thrust into you, over and over, harder than you thought imaginable. Sweet, soft moans were far from the things that left your mouth, every harsh word you could muster spilled out in a mixture of begging and praying. You pulled hard on his hair, urging him to go harder, to fuck you into another plane of existence.

“More,” you panted and tilted your hips up to meet him thrust for thrust.

You had almost convinced yourself he couldn’t fuck you any harder without breaking you or the bed, but you were wrong. The second he slammed into you and hit every nerve deep within you, you cried out for him. You knew anyone walking by his quarters would possibly hear you and at this point you really didn’t care.

He never slowed, never stopped, every time he pulled almost completely out of you and thrust back in, you could have sworn you saw stars. You clawed your way across his shoulders and back, leaving him groaning with each painful mark you left. Your orgasm built and your legs trembled, needing the release you’d been denied time and time again. He knew exactly how close you were, knowing your body almost better than you did.

“Beg me.” He growled and panted.

“Please, fuck-“ you moaned, “let me come, Supreme Leader?”

“Again.” He slammed into you and pulled out slowly, drawing out every second that he could. His hand moved down between your thighs and his fingers rubbed your clit, making your entire body jerk against him.

You tried to lean up and kiss him, hoping to get some sympathy, but he shoved you back down to the bed with his hand around your throat.

“I need it, please, Kylo, I fucking need it.” You felt tears threatening, you needed your release more than anything now, needing to feel sane again for even a brief moment.

“No.” He denied you again and you felt your heart sink a little.

His grip around your throat tightened and he returned to his quick, hard thrusts, leaving you whimpering and digging your nails into his skin. His relentless pounding and constant denial was leaving you more vulnerable than you thought possible.

“You’re nothing,” he squeezed your throat, “pathetic… weak.” He growled.

“Yes, I’m fucking weak,” all dignity left your body and desperation set in, “only you can give me what I need, please… just you, only you.” You cried out as you felt your release threatening once more.

He continued to keep you teetering on the edge of letting go and losing your mind with need, his thumb circling your clit and his cock digging deeper within you.

“Come.” He groaned and you immediately lost control.

Every inch of you tensed and clenched around him, your body shaking as wave after wave of your orgasm moved through you. You held onto him, almost lifting off the mattress as you let go and felt the release you’d been waiting for. It was overwhelming, leaving every nerve on end and sensitive to his touch. He soon came with you, filling you and slowing his movements. Your mind was in a haze as he pulled out and collapsed beside you, both of your chests heaving, and your bodies covered in sweat.

A thick silence fell over the room and you felt even more vulnerable than before as you laid next to him. You’d given him what he wanted, confirmation that you were at his beck and call, that no one else could give you what you needed like he could. You half wondered if he was so determined to break you because it was the only thing he had control over, a question you pushed to the back of your mind. You glanced around at the remnants of your clothes strewn about the room before your eyes closed out of pure exhaustion.

You groaned as you shifted in the bed, your body ached, and a soreness had settled between your thighs that you knew would last a few days at least. You slowly opened your eyes to see Kylo beside you, his chest rising and falling softly as he slept, he almost looked at peace, besides the half-scowl plastered to his face as he mumbled in his sleep. You sat up and slid off the bed slowly, realizing this was probably the only time you’d get to snoop around in his room.

Before you got the chance to look around much, your eyes settled on the lightsaber that rested on top of a nearby table. You glanced back at him cautiously, seeing he was still deep in whatever stressful dream he was having. You tip toed towards the table and ran your hand along the red wire that travelled up the cold, hard metal. You grabbed the lightsaber and held it in your hand, it was heavier than you thought it would be. As you held it, you imagined what it must feel like to wield it, how powerful he must feel with it in his hand.

“Careful.” His voice startled you from behind, making you almost drop his lightsaber.

“How do you move without making a noise?” You were genuinely astonished that a man of his stature could move so swiftly without you hearing him.

“Practice.” He took the lightsaber from your hand and switched it on, letting the bright, unstable beam burn, “here, hold it like this.” He grabbed your hand and wrapped it around the hilt.

He released your hand and let you hold it, feeling the energy that burned through it and seemed to be extending into your hand as it buzzed and vibrated through your body. You held it out as far as possible from you, worried you’d burn yourself.

“You can’t be afraid of it,” he moved around in front of you, leaving the lightsaber burning close to his face, “there can be no hesitancy when wielding a weapon, no room for uncertainty. Strike quickly and never look back.”

You placed the lightsaber in your other hand, moving it carefully, “teach me?”

He sighed and stepped back around behind you, placing his hand over yours that gripped the lightsaber. He pushed your right foot forward with his foot, helping you ground yourself better. You felt him pressed against you and quickly remembered you were both completely naked, wondering if it was safe to be holding a burning beam that could singe your skin off?

You glanced back at him, “um, maybe-“

“Focus,” he pulled your hand back up as you had let it drop slightly and almost sliced through the table beside you, “stand firm, back straight.” He placed one hand around your waist and pulled you back against his chest.

He spoke again but you weren’t listening, your mind wandered to how good it felt to be in his arms and memories of the night he held you started to flood your mind. You wanted it to always be like this, hard fucking followed by a sweeter side of Kylo Ren, but you knew that was just wishful thinking. You started to question whether you’d ever really be able to leave his side or if you’d remain until your last breath, still holding out hope that he’d change.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As you grow closer to Kylo, a new side of him emerges but it all comes crashing down and everything changes in the blink of an eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I can say is... I'm sorry.
> 
> And thank you again for all of your comments! We love reading them and they keep us motivated to continue.
> 
> -supremeleadershitlord

In the weeks that followed Kylo's lightsaber lesson, you noticed a pattern emerge. After Hux released you for the day, you would go straight to Kylo's room. If Snoke summoned him that day, he was cold towards you. If he didn't have to speak to the ruthless Supreme Leader, he was almost soft. Nowhere near the softness that Hux had shown you, but for Kylo, it was probably the softest you were going to get.

You collapsed next to him after the third orgasm in a very short time and tried to catch your breath. Sweat covered your bodies as you laid there basking in the post sex bliss. Kylo wasn't much of a cuddler, but just being close to him was enough. Sometimes he would even move his hand down your arm, it seemed like his way of telling you he appreciated the company.

You wanted to make conversation with him, to try to understand him or get him to open up, but it was like trying to navigate a minefield. So much trauma and darkness lived within him that it was impossible to know what might be a trigger. There was also the constant worry that he may decide to pry into your mind and see everything you were hiding.

You glanced over to find his gaze centered on you as he rested on his side. The way his messy black hair fell over his face made him seem a lot less intimidating than he really was, like shades of the person he used to be were showing. Ben Solo was still there, he had just been locked away in the deep recesses of Kylo Ren’s mind. You could feel it.

You turned on your side to face him, moving closer as you shifted on the bed. When your eyes met his again, the connection you felt was undeniable. He was like gravity pulling you in and there was nothing you could do to stop it. You grazed his cheek with the tips of your fingers and moved closer, brushing your lips against his. You expected him to move away or grab your wrist to stop you, but he didn’t. Instead, he leaned into your touch and pressed his lips against yours. He brought his hand up to cup your face, deepening the kiss and disarming you completely. It was a simple gesture, but it meant the world and the significance was not lost on you. For a few fleeting seconds, you had Ben Solo… and he felt like home.

“ _Ben_ ,” you whispered when your lips parted. There were so many things you wanted to say but the words wouldn’t come out and you could feel your window of opportunity slipping.

He pulled you closer and tightened his hold, somehow able to know what you wanted to say without actually saying it. "I know."

A knock at the door brought reality crashing down around you. Desperate to make it last longer, you gripped his forearm, hopeful that he would feel how much you needed him to stay.

"Don't answer the door, stay here with me." He was clearly torn, and for a brief moment, you thought he would give in.

"You know I can't."

“Please… don’t go,” you pleaded, brushing your lips against his, “stay.”

When he started kissing you back, both of you lost control and gave in to everything you were feeling. He flipped you on your back and covered your body with his, kissing down your neck and touching you everywhere he could reach.

Another knock on the door followed by General Hux’s voice made you both freeze in place.

“Ren, this is urgent!”

Your heart sank when he lifted up and crawled off the bed to grab a pair of sweats he had discarded on the floor when you first showed up. He pulled them on and took one last look at you before he left the room. Something about watching him leave made your chest tighten and you knew deep down that everything was about to change. You could feel it like thunder rumbling in the distance before a devastating lightning strike.

“Finally! What took you so long?” Hux asked, his voice carrying just enough to make out what he was saying. You stayed completely still as you listened.

“I’m in the middle of something. What do you want?" Kylo asked. The fact that he was annoyed by the interruption gave you a weird sense of satisfaction.

"Supreme Leader Snoke has requested our presence immediately."

The feeling of dread got worse at the mention of his name. The angry and cold version of Kylo was about to return with a vengeance.

"There's something else. What is it?"

There was a slight hesitation from Hux that made time feel like it was moving in slow motion and when he replied, time felt like it stopped completely.

"He asked that we bring the Lieutenant."

You didn't catch the rest of the conversation. All you could hear was the sound of your own heart pounding furiously. Coming face to face with Snoke wouldn't end well for you.

You didn't know how many times Kylo had to say your name before you snapped out of your panic induced haze. His cold demeanor was back, you could tell by the edge in his voice and the darkness in his eyes.

"I'll get you a new uniform." He left without another word and all you could do was sit there and wait, unable to move as the fear took over.

The walk to the elevator with Kylo took forever. Each step sounded like the final notes of a harrowing melody before the curtain closed. Hux was waiting with his hands clasped behind his back. The look of despair on his face made you want to run away. It took a lot to rattle the General. His usual air of superiority was gone, replaced by a level of distress you had never seen before.

"Ren… " Hux stepped forward and glanced at you with worry in his eyes.

"You know what we have to do, General," Kylo replied without a hint of emotion. A wave of nausea hit and your legs felt weak as you stood between them. Hux's eyes darted from you to Kylo and he nodded.

You entered the elevator flanked by the two most ruthless men in the First Order, but they had become so much more than that during your time aboard the Supremacy. Your feelings for them couldn’t be denied.

“Trust us, Lieutenant,” Kylo said as the elevator slowed. Hux grazed your lower back with his hand before dropping it back to his side when the door began to open. They wanted you to trust them and it broke your heart into a million pieces because all along, it was you that couldn't be trusted.

Snoke's throne room was even bigger than you imagined. Slick black flooring led all the way to the chair at the back of the room and Praetorian Guards lined the walls to the left and right. You did your best to avoid looking at Snoke as you moved further into the sparsely furnished room but you could feel his menacing gaze planted firmly on you.

The three of you came to a stop in the center putting you in the crosshairs of every heavily armored guard that protected the Supreme Leader. Kylo bent down to one knee and Hux stood by your side.

"I've stated the importance time and time again of finding the traitor in our midst. I put my faith in the two of you, trusting that you would put the First Order above everything else and you failed."

You finally looked up and a chill ran down your spine. It was the first time you had seen the terrifying Supreme Leader in person. His disfigured face was even more disconcerting up close.

“Come closer, child.” He raised his hand and summoned you forward. Kylo and Hux tensed as they watched you move cautiously towards their leader. When you stopped at the foot of the ramp that led to his perch, he used the force to bring you closer. Your breath caught in your throat when his icy blue eyes locked on yours. Pressure built in your head when he invaded your thoughts and memories, reading you like an open book. A tear fell down your cheek as he went further back and saw the history between you and General Organa. She confided in you and treated you like family when no one else did. Having those cherished moments laid out for someone like Snoke left a sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach.

The second he was done, you collapsed on the floor at his feet. All of your energy was depleted to the point where you could no longer support your own weight.

“The traitor has been hidden in plain sight all along and neither of you could see it. I could sense her all over you for weeks, corrupting your thoughts and clouding your minds,” Snoke’s voice reverberated around the room as he reprimanded his two highest ranking officials.

He raised his hand and used the force to send you sliding across the floor, stopping you on your knees in front of Kylo and Hux.

“She placed herself strategically between you to tear us down from the inside and you almost let it happen,” Snoke lied, manipulating them and you were powerless to stop it.

Tears streamed down your cheeks when you finally looked up at them and the sting of betrayal etched across their faces tore you apart.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your true identity had been revealed, causing Hux and Kylo to doubt everything they thought they knew about you and felt for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sad. This hurts and I'm sorry. -Thotful-Writing.

Kylo searched your eyes, looking for any sign that this was a lie, you couldn’t have been deceiving him the entire time, could you? You could see their inner turmoil, knowing they had gotten so close to you without realizing your true identity. Both of them had confided in you, let you into their lives and you deceived them.

“You’re certain she is the-“

With the clench of his fist, Snoke placed a pressure around Hux’s throat, “I will not tolerate your insolence, General.”

Hux clawed at his throat as he coughed and choked for air. Kylo’s gaze remained on you, his jaw clenched. You watched as Hux struggled to breathe, Snoke’s grasp on him tightening and cutting off more of his airways. You knew you had to do something, anything to save him, but to do so would be going against everything you were sent there to do. In a quick and barely thought out effort, you rushed towards Hux and grabbed his blaster.

“Stop!” You shouted as you turned towards Snoke and fired the weapon.

The hold on Hux was relinquished and you stood in complete awe as the beam you fired had stopped in midair, mere inches from Snoke’s face. You glanced over to Kylo to see his hand outstretched towards the beam, holding it back. You felt your heart drop as he had spared the Supreme Leader’s life. Hux quickly grabbed the blaster from you, a look of pure panic spread across his face, knowing you would not go unpunished for your action. Kylo sent the beam crashing into the wall behind Snoke and lowered his hand, glancing at you as he did.

The expression Kylo held as he looked at you only made you feel the weight of your choices that much more. You agreed to this mission without knowing everything you’d be giving up, everything you’d be putting yourself through at the expense of the Resistance. He was disappointed, betrayed, and you knew he had chosen his side in this. There was a small part of you that held out hope for him, that he might care for you, but it was clear he held no fondness for you. You realized it was over, the relationships you had built with them, no matter how harmful to your own emotional and physical safety they had been, it still crushed you. You dropped your head as the tears threatened, everything was coming to an end and you had failed. You looked over to Kylo, hoping one last attempt at apologizing might spare him the full extent of the pain you felt.

You reached out to him, “Kylo, I’m-“ A shock of intense pain flowed through your body, sending you collapsing to the floor.

The electricity that flowed from Snoke’s hands dissipated as you screamed in agony at their feet. Hux made a slight step towards you but held firm, not wanting to show any concern for you in front of the Supreme Leader. Your body shook as the remnants of the power surged through you, tears flowing down your cheeks as the pain continued to radiate. You placed your hands on the floor, shakily moving to stand and continue to fight. You weren’t ready to die, not yet, not when you knew Ben Solo was still within Kylo Ren somewhere and you were determined to help him realize that.

“Destroy the spy in our ranks, my young apprentice, and complete your training!” Snoke hissed.

Kylo considered your weakened form as you stumbled, still fighting even though you had no chance of surviving.

“General.” Kylo nodded to Hux and in an instant everything went black and your consciousness faded.

 _Courage and patience._ General Organa’s words echoed through your mind, she believed in you even when you barely believed in yourself. Your eyes fluttered as you tried to open them, struggling to come back into full awareness. You shifted but something was off, your hands were restrained, as were your feet. Panic set in as you looked around, _the interrogation room_. Your heart pounded in your chest as dread formed in the pit of your stomach. You pulled on the restraints but there was no give in them.

The door slid open with a whir and Hux walked in, his arms behind his back and his same authoritarian expression had returned. In the briefest of moments, you held the naïve notion that he was there to release you, but it soon faded.

“Hux, I’m so sorry, I never meant for things to get this far, I swear.” You watched as he moved about the room, barely paying any attention to you.

He stood beside you and placed his hand on your shoulder, “I’d save your begging for the Supreme Leader.”

The door opened again and Hux’s hand quickly dropped from you. The same despair as before had returned as you gazed upon Kylo. There were so many questions running through your mind but the only one that you cared about was how you were still alive and what was Snoke’s plan for you now?

“Kylo, please, you have to believe I never wanted-“

He raised his hand to silence you, “I’m not interested in insignificant apologies, I want to know about the Resistance, why did they send _you_?” He looked at you with such disdain.

You remained silent as you stared up at him, his eyes held no hint of forgiveness. You felt ashamed, you’d failed the Resistance, but most of all, General Organa. Memories of your last conversation with her threatened to play through your mind, but you fought to withhold them.

“Your silence will be your undoing.” He stepped closer, holding his hand close to your face and peering into your thoughts.

_“Your mission will not be an easy one, I would not ask you to take this on if I didn’t think you were more than capable.”_

_“I’m not sure I am, General Organa.”_

“She put her faith in you,” Kylo smirked, “but you let her down.” He pushed further into your mind.

_“We’ve gathered more intel about the First Order, some of their precepts… I understand if you’re not willing-“_

_“You mean the sterilization? I had heard rumors.”_

_“This is too great of a request from you, I can’t ask you to give up the prospect of a family.”_

_“You’re not asking me to, I’m volunteering. This is the only way.”_

Your eyes filled with tears as he continued to probe into your memories, an ache built in your chest as it felt like you were reliving them for yourself. You remembered the procedure well and how much it pained you afterward to realize the extent of your choice.

“You gave your life to a worthless cause, for a found family you thought cared for you?” He scoffed.

“I gave everything for a cause I believed in, for a cause _your_ mother believed in,” you did nothing to stop the tears from flowing, “I sacrificed everything and now I don’t even know which side I’m on.” You wondered if it would have been better for Snoke to just take your life and end all of this.

Your sobs echoed through the room and you felt more alone now than you had before. At least then you had the fabricated comfort of Kylo using you and Hux showing you compassion, even if it was all a lie. Hux shifted next to you, finding it hard to cut himself off from you completely even if you had been the spy. Kylo seemed to hold no regard for you, not even the slightest bit as he dove back into your mind.

_“I have one last request of you, though it’s not officially part of your assignment. My son, Ben, I know he’s still alive, I can feel it. I believe you may be the key to reaching him.”_

Kylo stopped abruptly and stared at you, his mother still held out hope that he could be saved. He saw every memory of you, the time you spent with her and the wisdom she imparted on you. He was never given that opportunity, robbed of that time with his own mother. You saw a glimpse of sadness in his eyes, but he quickly pushed it aside.

He moved closer to you and leaned into your ear, his voice barely above a whisper, “I killed Ben Solo,” his hand closed over your throat, “only Supreme Leader Ren remains.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the interrogation, you're not sure where your fate lies until the new Supreme Leader pays you another visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is turning into a pain train and I can't promise it will unfuck itself anytime soon.
> 
> -supremeleadershitlord

Being strapped to a chair for hours was infuriating and uncomfortable. No matter how much you struggled against the restraints, you couldn't get a single shred of extra wiggle room. With no indication what Kylo and Hux planned to do with you, the interrogation room felt like limbo. It was slowly eating away at your sanity along with all of the unanswered questions you had. Like what happened in the throne room after you passed out.

The door slid open and General Hux appeared. When the door closed behind him and you realized you were alone, you couldn't stop the words from pouring out.

"What happened? Are you okay? I'm so sorry I lied to you-"

He put his hand up to stop you and your heart sank. He had no reason to show you any sympathy but you hoped he would. He was the only comfort you had in the First Order.

" _Am I okay?_ That doesn't seem like something you should worry about given your true intentions."

The words had an unexpected sting behind them. He thought everything was a lie, right down to the private moments you shared. And why wouldn't he? You had been lying to him since day one.

"Hux… " you stopped, remembering that you were no longer friends, "General, I care about you. Everything that happened between us was real."

"Lieutenant, " he sighed in frustration when he realized his error. It seemed you both needed to adjust to the situation.

"How can everything between me and you be real when it was built on a foundation of lies? I trusted you more than anyone on this ship, I had so much faith in you that I didn't even consider you as a suspect!" He was genuinely hurt and he wasn’t trying to hide it. You knew him well enough to know he was more than capable of hiding his true feelings if he chose.

"I never meant to hurt either of you." When the words came out, you realized there was another issue. Hux knew about you and Kylo. Even though Snoke's accusation that you manipulated them both was a complete lie, you didn't expect them to believe you and you didn't blame them. You came out looking even worse than you anticipated.

"That night you told me getting involved would put us at risk with Snoke… you were already in deep with Ren, weren't you?" His question was followed by deafening silence. It felt as if someone had been pulling the strings all along, directing you to make decisions that would inevitably come back to haunt you.

Hux cleared his throat and shifted back to all business mode, "Supreme Leader Ren wants me to put you in a holding cell."

"What happened with Snoke?" The question had been plaguing your mind since Kylo called himself the Supreme Leader. At first, you thought he was just going along with your nickname for him but he had no reason to do that after discovering your betrayal. Hearing Hux use that title was confirmation that something major went down.

He stepped forward and removed the restraints but you remained still.

"When I informed him that Snoke wanted to see you, we agreed to protect you if something were to go wrong," he revealed, taking you by surprise. Maybe there was some part of Kylo that cared about you enough to defy his master even after he found out you were a spy.

"Did he… kill Snoke?" Just the thought gave you a small shred of hope. Kylo could've easily killed you, but he chose not to.

"He did. But don't think it was for you. It awakened something in him and I'm not sure it's good for any of us." He pulled you from the chair and grabbed a pair of cuffs from the nearby table. There was a slight hesitation before he lifted your arms and clasped the heavy restraints around your wrists. You could tell he didn't want to hurt you but you couldn’t understand why.

The walk to the brig was quiet. Hux purposely took the longer, less traveled route to avoid any possible conflict. News of you being the spy had to be widespread already. You wanted Hux's comfort again but you were in no position to ask and you were completely cut off from the only allies you had. You were truly alone.

Hux led you to a cell the First Order used for high risk prisoners, isolating you from everyone aside from a select few with security clearance. He secured the door and unlocked your wrist restraints through a small opening.

"What's going to happen to me?" Deep down you knew there was only one way this could end.

"That's up to the Supreme Leader to decide. He'll be along soon."

“And if it was up to you?” You were looking for any sign that he still cared, even if it was minuscule.

“Let’s not hurt ourselves with a hypothetical,” he replied, though he didn’t make eye contact with you as he said it. He opened his mouth to continue but stopped and turned towards the door.

“You don't have to hold back, you know. I probably deserve whatever it is you want to throw at me."

He spun back around on his heel and marched to your cell. "You are either the galaxy's best actress or a glutton for punishment. _Don't hold back?_ What is it you expect of me? Perhaps a little berating, I could tear you apart and make you cry and believe me, Lieutenant, I want to," he seethed as he leaned towards the opening of the cell to say everything directly to your face, "I want to hate you. I want to loathe you for the trouble you've caused and all of the punishment I received from Snoke because of your betrayal!"

He took a breath, his hands shaking as he gripped the edge of the opening, "but I can't. Hating you is not something I'm capable of."

Your eyes teared up and you tried to say something, anything to break the uncomfortable silence, but words failed you. The tightness in your chest was reminiscent of your last breakup. Whatever your attachment to Hux was ran deeper than you realized.

You brought your hand up, cautious as you moved towards the cell window. His chest heaved when you touched his knuckles with the tips of your fingers.

“I’m sorr-”

“Don’t,” he interrupted as he jerked his hand away. He left the room and the tears began to flow. You cried more in the previous weeks than you ever had before. As you sat down on the small cot against the wall, you wished for General Organa to appear. She filled in where your own mother failed and you knew she would say the perfect thing to ease your mind.

Waiting for the inevitable appearance of the new Supreme Leader kept you on edge. After what happened in the interrogation room and all of the information he pulled from your memories, you were dreading coming face to face with him again.

Time seemed nonexistent in the cell. Minutes or hours could’ve passed before Kylo appeared and you wouldn’t have known the difference. There was no evidence of the outside world in that room. No indistinct chatter from the crew, no humming from the ship, nothing… it was maddening.

Kylo stood before you, his face covered by his newly repaired helmet. Jagged, bright red lines appeared where the broken parts had been pieced back together and it made him look even more intimidating. Not being able to see his face filled you with unease.

“Why did you spare me?” You asked, getting straight to the point.

“Are you hoping for a heart wrenching revelation? Like me saving you because I care about you,” he taunted and moved closer to the door of your cell, “did you even consider that I saved you because I’m not done using you?”

When you didn’t respond, he waved his hand to unlock the door of the cell. His imposing figure filled the doorway as he stepped through. You moved back on the cot and pulled your knees up to your chest, unsure what he had planned. Knowing you would give in to him immediately if he showed any signs of wanting sex had you silently cursing yourself. The pull to him was still very strong despite everything that happened.

“You think _that’s_ what I want to use you for?” He stopped in front of you with his head tilted slightly to the left. You knew he was invading your mind again, the small bit of pressure at the front of your head was unforgettable.

“You’re going to fight the Resistance with us.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your fate was still in the air as the new Supreme Leader loomed over you in your cell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you and I'm sorry. -Thotful-Writing.

You pulled your knees closer to your chest and the realization of what they had planned for you began to set in.

“I can’t- I won’t-“ You shook your head.

He stalked towards you and loomed over you, “I wasn’t asking.”

“I can’t betray the Resistance, General Organa-“

The force in which he grabbed you and slammed you against the cold, steel wall, made your vision blur and your head feel like it was splitting open. His gloved hand wrapped around your throat and tightened. The helmet made it difficult for you to read him and only added to the fear you were starting to feel.

“You still put your faith in someone who doesn’t care about anything except politics,” he squeezed your throat, “you will help me destroy _her_.”

Even without seeing his eyes and with the helmet masking his voice, you could still hear the waver in his voice, the doubt he held about killing General Organa, his mother. You could barely breathe and you felt yourself getting more lightheaded by the second, but you had to try. You moved your hand up and brushed your fingers along the unforgiving metal of his mask.

“Ben, please…” You gasped.

For a moment you feel his grip loosen and just like a switch, he returns to the distant, uncaring person he was before. You knew by his reaction to his name that there was still some part of him that wanted to reach out. You brought your other hand up and ran your fingers along the edge of the helmet.

“Please… you can fight this… let me help-“ Your words were muffled as the air continued to struggle filling your lungs.

In an instant he released you, letting you fall to the floor, choking and holding your neck. You looked up at him as he removed his helmet, letting you see his face again. Your heart filled with hope as you saw a glimpse of Ben Solo in his eyes, but that hope quickly turned to despair.

“You let an old woman fill your head with lies, she has no son, there is no Ben Solo anymore, and you, well you are _nothing_ ,” he turned towards the door before stopping, “do not think for a moment that I won’t hesitate to end your life as soon as your usefulness wears off.”

The room fell silent as you spiraled into a mix of sobbing and panic. If you helped them you’d be betraying the Resistance, but you’d already betrayed them to some extent when you slept with Kylo and gotten close to Hux, and if you refused then the new Supreme Leader would most likely make Hux kill you himself. It was all too confusing and you wanted to return to when things were at least not as detrimental to your health. You climb onto the small cot and curled into a ball, feeling an ache settle in your chest.

“Up,” Hux’s voice woke you with a jolt and you scrambled back against the wall, “the Supreme Leader is not going to wait for you.” He stood at the door with his hands clasped behind his back.

You moved slowly as you moved towards him. Your happiness was quickly replaced by fear now, each time they appeared you panicked at what they were going to do to you or if this would be the last day you were alive. You held your hands up as he cuffed them and pulled you out of the cell.

“Where are we going, General?” You stared up at him, begging for the old Hux to return to you.

“You’ll find out soon enough.” He grabbed your arm and pulled you with him, but your feet didn’t budge.

When he looked back at you, he saw the tears pooling in your eyes and your lip beginning to tremble. You weren’t able to hold back the tears and you sank down to your knees in the middle of the corridor. You didn’t care anymore, his coldness and Kylo’s cruelness had beaten you, they had won. You felt like a complete failure in everything you had set out to do and it weighed heavily on you. The last thing you expected was to feel Hux’s hands on your shoulders as he knelt in front of you.

“Lieutenant,” he lifted your chin so you could meet his gaze, “we have to go.” There was an urgency in his voice, as if he was afraid to take any longer.

“I can’t do it.” You sighed and looked away from him.

He glanced around, making sure you were alone, “you must, you cannot let him win.”

“Just end this, please?” You glanced up at him tearfully, begging for him to end your life and save you the guilt and humiliation of betraying the Resistance even more than you already had.

Hux paused for a moment before standing back up. He grabbed you and lifted you to your feet, walking you back into your cell. You assumed he was going to leave you there or punish you in some way, but the second he pulled you into his embrace, you felt your heart breaking even more. You sobbed into his chest as he held you in silence, his arms wrapped around you.

“I’m so sorry.” You held onto him tighter than you ever had before.

“I know.” He continued to comfort you and you had no idea why.

He held you until the tears stopped and you were able to pull yourself back together. Every bone in your body was telling you not to let him go, but you knew you had to. As you released him you peered up at him, seeing the tears that had pooled in his eyes but never fell. He was just as conflicted as you.

“We’ve kept the Supreme Leader waiting long enough.” And just like that he was back to his rigid self without a hint of emotion.

This time he wasted no time in pushing you out of the cell and down the corridor, giving you no room to hesitate again. He remained silent and kept his distance as much as he could, not wanting to appear sympathetic towards you in any way. You understood his anger and the way he had shut himself off to you, but you couldn’t understand the small moments of affection he still showed you. As you approached the bridge you felt nausea settle in the pit of your stomach as your eyes fell on Supreme Leader Ren. He had returned to wearing his helmet and you half wondered if it was to hide any sign of emotion towards you.

“I expected you here sooner.” He snapped at Hux.

“There was an electrical problem with the elevator, sir.” He lied and kept his gaze away from you.

Kylo held his hand up and you could see the strain in Hux’s eyes as he added pressure around his throat, “I don’t want to hear excuses, General.”

“Stop,” you glanced at Kylo and back to Hux, watching his face turn red, “please, Supreme Leader, let him go!” You begged.

Hux grabbed at his throat as he gasped for air. He fell to his knees and struggled to fill his lungs. Hux was at the receiving end of Kylo’s unbridled rage, fighting for his life as he choked on the floor of the bridge. You felt the tears streaming again, realizing that was the only thing you seemed to do lately. You couldn’t let him die, not because of you. You knew exactly what Kylo wanted and you had no choice but to give it to him.

“I’ll help, I'll do whatever you want, just please let him go.”

Hux inhaled sharply as his lungs filled once more, coughing and choking as he struggled to regain composure. He glanced at you with a thankful look in his eyes, reluctant to say it aloud.

“General, have our spy transmit a message to the Resistance.” Supreme Leader Ren ordered without giving Hux a moment to recover.

“Yes, sir.” Hux scrambled to his feet and grabbed your arm, pulling you up abruptly.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your message to the Resistance has catastrophic consequences for your allies. Kylo shows more of his ruthless side and Hux visits your cell in the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a slight possibility that I'm an asshole... I would say I'm sorry but we know that's not entirely true.
> 
> Song inspiration for this chapter: The Devil Within by Digital Daggers
> 
> -supremeleadershitlord

When Kylo told you the message to send, you almost asked him to just kill you, but you knew he wouldn't. He would go after Hux again and that wasn't something you could have on your conscience. It would destroy you.

The message was simple but the effect would be detrimental.

“ _Snoke is dead. Kylo Ren has taken over as the Supreme Leader. I told him there’s a resistance base on Florrum. He's sending the Supremacy to destroy it. This is your chance to take it down._ ”

The hopeful face of Commander Poe Dameron stared back at you. It was the first piece of good news they had received from you in a while. The horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach intensified. You knew Poe would jump at the chance to take down a dreadnought.

“ _We’ll send the bombing fleet. Can you take that shield down?_ ”

“ _I can try, but have a backup plan ready._ ” The pressure was on to make it seem like everything was normal on your end and given the current state of affairs, it was one of the hardest things you’ve had to do.

“ _Okay. If it’s safe, send a transmission when the ship arrives. We’re on our way now._ ” The sound of the crew scrambling in the background to get ready for the attack made you feel even worse. A tear fell down your cheek that you hoped wouldn’t be visible in the bright blue of the transmitter.

“ _Be careful. I’ll contact you again when it’s safe._ ” You closed the connection before he could say anything else, shaking as you turned back to Hux.

“Take her to the bridge,” Kylo commanded. As he turned to leave, you realized what he had planned and your knees went weak. Hux had to steady you with a firm grip on your arms. The new Supreme Leader was going to make you watch as the bombing fleet was decimated.

When the room cleared and you were alone with Hux once again, panic set in.

"Please don't make me watch them die," your voice cracked as you reached for him. Everything was wearing you down and the stress was breaking you in ways you would never fully recover from if you somehow survived.

Hux grabbed your outstretched hand and stepped closer. Seeing you in distress seemed to tug at the merciless General's heart. How you were able to bring out his softer side would forever remain a mystery.

“It’s not up to me. If I knew how to keep you from watching that, I would.” The pain behind his eyes made you collapse against his chest. He genuinely cared about you when he had no reason to. You had lied to him, gotten him in trouble time and time again with Snoke, and used him for comfort. The soft moment was fleeting and Hux had to pull away and straighten his uniform. Kylo was probably already waiting.

By the time you made it to the bridge, you were lightheaded from the stress and elevated heartbeat. Kylo stood to your left and Hux stood to the right. There was no escaping, no averting your gaze, and no closing your eyes while Kylo was next to you.

The second the Resistance fleet came into view, they were greeted by the Supremacy, armed and ready to fire. Yelling from the crew faded to a low hum as you watched the first ship go down in a fiery blaze.

The rest of the First Order fleet appeared and flanked the Supremacy, unleashing a barrage of cannon fire that downed the ships one by one. You couldn't tear your eyes away from the horror unfolding. People you once called friends were dying and it was all your fault. You were holding out hope for Ben Solo to return at the risk of everything you fought so hard to protect.

Something pulled you from the moment, a feeling you couldn't quite describe until the memory hit you like a tidal wave. It felt like another lifetime but it was just a couple of days ago. The brief moment you were face to face with Ben Solo.

You glanced at Kylo to see he wasn't watching the carnage. His mask was angled slightly towards the floor.

"Take over, General." His voice was different, softer and you knew Ben was there watching what he had ordered you to do.

Kylo grabbed your arm and Hux gave you one last glance before you turned to leave.

You remained silent on the way back to your cell, numb from the emotional overload you struggled to keep inside. He released your restraints and stepped back, the tension between you thick and undeniable.

“Why did you bring me back here?” You asked, leaning against the furthest wall to put some distance between you.

“You were out of your cell long enough. You’re a prisoner, not a guest,” he answered as if that were the obvious reason.

"Don't lie to me. Ben was there on the bridge, I could feel it.” You knew pushing him was a bad idea but you didn’t see any other choice.

"That's an interesting choice of words considering you've done nothing but lie to me!" The abrupt rage in his voice caught you by surprise as he closed the space between you.

“I did what I thought was right. Can you say the same?” You stared up at him, standing your ground despite knowing he could snap at any second and break you. He brought his hands up to the sides of his helmet and lifted it up. The murderous glare on his face made your breath catch in your throat. In one swift movement, he had you pressed against his chest with a handful of your hair wrapped around his hand, forcing you to look up at him from an uncomfortable angle.

"When the Resistance is dead and the war is over, your time will run out and that hope you’ve been clinging to will die with you.” The words were meant to hurt and break you down further, but all it did was make you angry. It felt like he was desperately trying to make you give up on him but you were stubborn enough to keep fighting even though hope was all but lost.

"You're more than capable of destroying the Resistance without me, right? You are the Supreme Leader, after all,” you said, doing your best to keep your voice steady. Your hands were splayed across his broad chest. The hard and fast beating of his heart drummed against your fingertips.

"Obviously.” His eyes darted between your eyes and your lips making it harder to get the words out.

"So, you don't need me."

"No, I don't. I never have,” he answered in a low voice. The anger slowly faded from his eyes and his grip on you loosened.

“Then kill me, put me out of my misery so I don’t waste another day on you.” There was no way Kylo would willingly let you go back to the Resistance and you couldn’t continue to hurt them. The options were limited and after everything you had been through, it seemed death would be less painful.

He leaned in closer, his lips brushing against yours as he tightened his grip on your hair once more.

“And free you from this pain? I’d rather watch you suffer,” he whispered before pushing you away to leave. Adrenaline coursed through your veins as you watched him secure your cell and exit the room. You wanted to scream at him, to push him so far he snapped and ended the misery. Anything to hold off the pain of seeing the Resistance get destroyed because of your false information. But the longer you were in silence with nothing but your own thoughts to keep you company, the more the pain consumed you.

Kylo would’ve killed Hux if you hadn’t gone along with his orders but protecting the General killed a large Resistance fleet and you knew it would when you made the decision. You put General Hux before the Resistance and there was a very small part of you that didn’t regret it. If there truly was a light side and a dark side, you didn’t belong to the light.

When the door opened again sometime later, you were pacing in your cell, still fighting off the sorrow as much as you could. General Hux stopped at the door and clasped his hands behind his back.

“The Supreme Leader wanted me to inform you that the entire bombing fleet has been dealt with along with some smaller ships that tried to protect them.” He looked defeated, caught between his loyalty to the First Order and whatever his feelings were for you.

“Can you come in here?” As the words left your mouth, you could feel yourself about to make a terrible decision in the name of chasing your pain away.

The second the door closed, you pulled him into a hard kiss. Your anger towards Kylo and guilt about the Resistance made you ache for some kind of release. He gave in immediately and pressed you against the nearest wall, kissing you back with the same intensity. The softness he had shown you before was all but gone, as if he needed a distraction just as much as you. When your lips parted, he lifted you into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist.

“Wait,” you said just before his lips crashed into yours again. It was the worst time to have a crisis of conscience but something about hooking up with Hux in your current state of mind felt wrong.

“I’m using you… I… this isn’t something I do,” you admitted, your voice breaking as the tears welled up in your eyes.

“It’s okay. We can lie to ourselves for the night,” he whispered against your lips, holding you tight like he was afraid you might disappear. Your gaze met his and you felt your chest tighten when you realized the kind of person you were turning into.

“Are you sure?”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux was warm and affectionate, Kylo was cold and uncaring, you decided to cling to the latter until it all came crashing down around you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm not apologizing or anything but... I might be a little bit sorry for this. -Thotful-Writing.
> 
> This chapter was inspired by Gray by Slenderbodies

He answered you with a searing kiss, his tongue swirling with yours as his hands grabbed desperately at you. You clung to him even harder, knowing this was wrong on so many levels but not caring. If he was willing to ignore the fact that you were using him the so could you. Every nerve in your body was telling you to stop, but you pushed them aside for a brief moment of comfort.

Hux lifts your shirt, letting his hands skim up your sides while his lips trailed down the side of your neck. His kiss was filled with every ounce of need and desperation he held. You whimpered for him, as he pressed you against the wall and held you close. You started to grind your hips against him, but you felt a familiar pressure building in your mind.

“Hux, wait-“ You gasped when you realized what was happening.

He continued in a haze of lust as he kissed his way down your chest. The pressure stopped for a moment and you thought maybe you’d made a mistake. You held onto Hux and pulled him into another kiss, soft and tender. His hand slid down between your thighs, brushing against you and making you squirm. Before you could beg him to fuck you right there, the pressure in your head returned with a vengeance.

“Stop, stop-“ You unwrapped your legs from his waist and placed your hands on his chest, trying to put a little distance between you so you could breathe.

Hux stared at you with confusion, his brow furrowing as he searched your eyes for an answer. He waited for an explanation but received nothing. The pressure continued to build in your head and your vision blurred, you could feel him digging deeper into your psyche. The second you reached out to Hux he stepped back. In that moment you realized what was happening and the only choice you had available.

“It’s Ren, isn’t it?” He finally broke the silence, sending a stab of pain through you.

You reached for him, “yes, but it’s not what you think-” You stopped yourself from saying more and watched as he straightened his uniform and in an instant, he was back to the man you knew before, expressionless and closed off completely, gutting you even further.

“This was a mistake,” he headed for the door of your cell and paused, “whatever you’re searching for in Ren, it isn’t there.” He opened the door and left before you could say anything else.

The pressure in your head dissipated but an ache in your chest had developed. Hux assumed you were torn between wanting him and wanting Kylo. You wanted to shout after him, grab him and tell him the truth, but you knew it would be better this way. Every time he came to you, helped you, he put himself in danger. Since you’d been assigned this mission you had been fearful of your life, of them finding out the truth and killing you, but it was quite the opposite. You were solely responsible for putting so many other’s lives in danger and you couldn’t bare the thought of placing Hux in your path of destruction again.

You slumped back against the wall and felt the weight of despair pressing down on you as you slid to the floor. You pulled your knees up and hugged them to your chest as the tears flowed again. General Organa was right, this was the most difficult mission anyone had ever taken on and you were starting to doubt everyday whether or not you were the right person for it.

A tap on your cell door pulled you from your thoughts and self-loathing, but an unease had set in because you knew exactly who it was. You refused to look up but rested your head on your knees.

“I see your guest left,” Kylo spoke through the door, “I was hoping to catch the show. I wanted to see what exactly it was that the General offered to keep you coming back.”

“Jealousy doesn’t suit you, Supreme Leader.” You mumbled which earned a low laugh from him.

The door opened but he remained just outside the doorway, “curiosity, not jealousy.”

“Is there a point to this or did you just come to talk _at_ me?” You knew the second you looked at him you’d be conflicted again, you stared down at the corner of the wall.

“I’ve been inside your head, I’ve seen your deepest, most sinister thoughts,” he took a step into the room, “my curiosity lies in the fact that you think you actually _want_ the affectionate and gentle touch of the General.”

He had your full attention and he knew it. You listened but fought yourself to keep your gaze from his. His heavy footsteps neared you and it was becoming more difficult by the second to avoid him.

“Since I’ve seen the more intimate and hidden parts of you that even you’re not fully aware of, I’ve come to a conclusion, would you like me to share it with you?” He stopped and crouched just a few feet from you.

He grabbed your chin and turned your head to face him, staring into your eyes but also deeper within you, “you only want that because it’s what’s expected of you, but in reality you crave the degradation, the callousness I’ve shown to you. You want to give in to your darkest desires.”

You shook your head as your lip trembled and tears threatened, “you’re wrong, I’m nothing like that, I’m nothing like _you_.”

You pushed the thought out, there was no way he was right. You wanted the General, you wanted all of the affection he had to give you and you’d gladly take it in an instant, but if that was true, why hadn’t you?

“Oh, but you are, and I think you’re fully aware of that fact, but you continue to fight it,” his thumb tugged at your bottom lip, “just give in to it. Join me.”

You stared up at him and it was painfully clear, you _wanted_ to want Hux. You desperately wanted to run into his arms and stay there for an eternity, but you were always pulled back to Kylo, every time. You shifted and sat on your knees in front of him, teetering on the very edge you’d been trying to avoid. If you took this step there was no going back, not to Hux, not to the resistance, and definitely not to General Organa.

“If I join you, _really_ join you, will you leave General Hux alone?”

Kylo cocked his head to the side, “I can get rid of him if that would be easier?”

“No, he’s a good officer. The First Order can use him.” You knew he was only trying to get rid of him so there was no further temptation.

He seemed to be considering your words and you needed to keep him from prying into the matter more. You grabbed his face and pulled him into a rough kiss, teeth clashing and grabbing handfuls of his hair. He wrapped one arm around you and pulled you into his lap before sinking his teeth into your bottom lip. You ground your hips against him in desperation, finally feeling free from being torn between two sides. You had made your choice and you were falling deeper into the pit with Kylo Ren than you’d thought you would, but the surprising part was how good it felt to finally fall.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo has let you leave your cell and given you the freedom to roam with one very annoying condition and an unexpected revelation changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slight break from the pain? Idk... at this point we've hurt each other enough that my ability to register pain has been compromised.
> 
> -supremeleadershitlord

Although joining Kylo left you conflicted on many levels, one big perk was no longer being confined to your cell. The downside? You were under the watchful eye of the Knights of Ren who took turns babysitting you. They didn't speak and you never saw their faces. It got awkward at times having a heavily armored knight standing over you but it was a small price to pay if it meant having the freedom to wander.

Sleep was still difficult and no matter how exhausted you got, finding that one moment of peace to drift off was like chasing Poe Dameron's x-wing in a star destroyer.

"You know, you could easily sit outside the room while I sleep. It's not like there's a window I can escape from.” Your gaze settled on the knight sitting in the corner of Kylo’s bedroom. It was unnerving how still and quiet he was. You weren’t even sure if he was looking at you because his helmet revealed nothing.

You let out a hefty sigh and slid out of bed. The gym seemed more inviting than struggling to sleep while a stranger watched. You changed your clothes and headed out of Kylo's room with the knight in tow. Had you not been sleep deprived, you would've remembered who spent late nights at the gym. It wasn't until your eyes locked with the General's that you realized your mistake.

You considered turning to leave but you needed the exercise. Running into Hux was bound to happen, you couldn’t avoid each other forever. When he passed by to begin another lap, you waited a few extra seconds before stepping onto the track, keeping a safe distance away. 

Eventually the fatigue kicked in and you stopped to sit down and take a breath while Hux kept up his laps like a machine. Watching him pass by you and avoid looking in your direction hurt but it was for the best. There was no way a relationship with him would end well with Kylo around and you still held out hope you could reach Ben.

Lost in thought, you didn't notice Hux stop and approach you until he spoke.

"Still not sleeping, I see." He tried and failed to sound casual. The tension between you was thick and no amount of pretending everything was okay would make it magically disappear.

"I look that bad?" You glanced up at him, hesitant to make full eye contact, especially with one of Kylo's knights standing nearby.

"You never look bad, Lieutenant," he paused and shifted his weight from one leg to the other, "it's your eyes. That's how I know."

Seeing his usual confidence dissipate before your eyes was almost heartbreaking. There was nothing you could do to make the situation better, he had to accept that you wanted the volatile Supreme Leader more than you wanted him. Vulnerability was something he fought to keep hidden and you seemed to disarm him.

He bent down in front of you, forcing you to look at him.

"Is it this business with Palpatine keeping you awake?” He asked. You froze in place and a bad feeling settled in the pit of your stomach. You were surprised, but also, something about the mention of Palpatine put the final piece of a massive puzzle together in your head. You just couldn’t see the full picture yet.

“As in… Emperor Palpatine?” You asked, your throat felt dry and the words barely came out. You already knew the answer, it felt as if you knew it was coming but the shock was still very real.

“Has Ren not told you? It’s why he’s been gone so often, he's hunting for Sith wayfinders.” The look of concern on Hux’s face made you want to wrap your arms around him and melt into the comfort you missed. Kylo had been gone a lot but you assumed it was the usual Supreme Leader business.

"I-" you paused and memories flooded your head until you zeroed in on one particular conversation you had with Leia. The sick feeling in your stomach got worse and you scrambled for the nearest waste receptacle. Dry heaves produced nothing of substance and you realized you hadn't eaten since breakfast.

_"I'm asking too much of you."_ Leia's voice echoed in your head. You gripped the edges of the trash bin so tight your hands ached.

_"I fear there may be a much darker influence behind my son than we realized but it's hard to pin down. The dark side usually is."_

_"Darker than Snoke?"_ A tear fell down your cheek as the memory played in its entirety like an old movie. You had pushed it so far to the back of your mind that you forgot about it completely. It was the night before you headed out to begin your mission and neither of you could sleep.

_"Yes, I have a theory but there’s no need to spread fear without certainty."_

_“Who?”_

Leia had reached across the small table and covered your hands with hers.

_“What do your instincts tell you?”_

When thinking about the absolute worst of the dark side, there was only one name that came to mind.

_“Palpatine. But that’s impossible.”_

She gave you a sad smile and squeezed your hands before replying, _“I hope so.”_

You wanted to scream and cry, but most of all, you wanted to talk to Leia. The last shred of hope you had been desperately clinging to was gone and there was no one in the First Order you could go to for comfort.

After an abrupt exit from the gym, you set off to find Kylo. He had deliberately kept the news of Palpatine’s return from you and left you under the constant supervision of his knights. You were furious and ready to unload on him.

Upon finding him in the meeting room, you wasted no time confronting him.

“Palpatine is back.”

His lack of a reaction was all the confirmation you needed to know that Hux was telling the truth. It bothered you that the General was forthcoming with the information and Kylo hid it from you. Especially after you agreed to join him.

“Did General Hux tell you during your chat in the gym?” He didn’t sound upset but you could tell from the darkness in his eyes that he was considering some sort of retaliation. You glanced back at the knight that had been following you.

“No one likes a snitch, you gigantic fuck,” you chided before turning your attention back to Kylo, “fucking knights… yes, he told me because he’s worried about me. Why did you keep it from me?”

"It's none of your concern,” he answered with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

"Really? You wanted me at your side and now you're keeping me in the dark?” You closed the distance between the two of you and stood your ground. He wasn’t going to intimidate you into silence, not when it came to something so big.

“It’s for your protection.” Whether or not that was the truth was unclear, but it was nice to consider he cared enough to worry about your safety.

“Kylo, it’s Palpatine. I’ve heard enough to know that there’s no hiding. If he’s in your head, he knows about me. Keeping it a secret won’t protect me.” You rested your hand on his chest but he backed away.

“That’s an _interesting_ thing to say. What makes you think he’s in my head?” He tilted his head slightly as he regarded you.

“I-” before you could get the words out, pressure built in your head and you knew he was scanning your memories like a shelf of books until he found what he needed.

He stepped back, and for a few seconds, his face softened. He looked scared as he pieced together what your mind revealed. Despite knowing Snoke was never truly his friend, the knowledge that he might’ve been part of a bigger manipulation by the Emperor himself sent him into a blind rage.

Driven by the hatred he had built up over the years, he tore through the ship, tossing anyone who got in his way to the side like garbage.

“Kylo, stop! Just talk to me,” you pleaded, trying your best to keep up with him but it was useless. When he neared his TIE fighter, a sense of dread washed over you.

“I’m putting an end to this,” he said, finally turning to you, “the Jedi, the Sith… the past dies with him.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's absence sent you into a state of uncertainty, something you'd never experienced before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I'm leaving you with this hanging question and I can't wait to see how you answer it. Will it be a crushing blow to my heart or a soft Kylo moment? I can't wait!- Thotful-Writing
> 
> Sorry about the wait, it took me a few days due to life stuff getting in the way.

You stood there feeling gutted as he disappeared in his ship. It took all the willpower you had not to go after him in another ship. But you knew you’d never be able to keep up with him. Hours passed as you waited, wanting to be there when he returned, but as other ships came and went you were left on edge. You pushed yourself to go back to your quarters to wait for him. Your mind was still reeling from everything that had just transpired, especially his own revelation. All you wanted was for him to listen, to talk to you, but he ran off before you could utter a syllable to him.

A full day passed and there was no word from Kylo. No one had heard an ounce of static or anything from him or about him. Worry had set up a permanent spot in your stomach as you paced through your room. Everything around you reminded you of just how alone you were. His things, his scent, his presence surrounded and almost suffocated you. The realization of just how fucked you’d be if anything happened to him began to set in. What place did you have with the First Order? Or the Resistance for that matter? You’d gotten yourself so wrapped in Kylo Ren that you burned every bridge you had.

By the next day you were in a full mix of emotions, concern, panic, anger, and sadness. He had left two days ago and there had been absolutely no sign of him. You stormed onto the bridge, determined to get answers.

Hux immediately turned to see you striding towards him, “what is she doing here?” He sneered at the knight on your heels.

“ _She_ is here to tell you to do your job.” You barked with more anger than you meant to.

“I don’t take orders from a-“ he stopped himself, “from anyone but the Supreme Leader.”

You glared at him, wanting him to finish what he was going to say but you knew the sting would hurt more than you needed right now.

“My point exactly, where is your Supreme Leader? All of these fucking ships and scanners and not one of you has even tried to find him.” You could feel the fear swelling in your chest, but you pushed it back down.

“We are under direct orders to continue our attack on the Resistance,” Hux took a step towards you, “ _if_ Kylo Ren wanted us to track his every move then he wouldn’t have left so abruptly.”

“And what if he needs help? What if he’s hurt or-“ You paused at the thought that he could very well be dead.

Hux’s expression softened at the sight of your concern, as much as he wanted to hate you, to despise everything you had done, he couldn’t. He strode towards you and grabbed your arm, leading you towards the door and away from prying eyes. Your bodyguard was fully prepared to follow but a quick word from Hux kept him in his place, though you couldn’t hear what he said. Hux pulled you into the hallway and stopped outside the door.

His hand brushed against your cheek and you leaned into his touch, “we both know Kylo Ren will not die easily.”

“But what if he found Palpatine? Can he really take him on alone?” You stared up at him, tears still threatening your eyes.

Hux sighed and ran his fingertips along your jawline to your neck, “I’m not a lucky enough man for him to die and have you to myself.”

As the words left his lips, the tears in your eyes fell. You knew how much he wanted to be with you, how much he loved you, and how terrible you’d been to him. You reached up and caressed his cheek, reveling in the soft moment with him. In your heart, you loved Kylo, but in your mind you wanted to love Hux. It was apparent in that moment just how much you didn’t deserve Hux. You dropped your hand and stepped back, no longer able to pull him along on your path of destruction.

“I’m sorry for interrupting, I should go.” You lowered your gaze from his and turned to leave.

“I’ll send out a few scouts, see if they can pick up anything on their scanners.” He offered.

You looked back at him and gave him a slight smile, “thank you.” It took everything you had, not to wrap your arms around him and melt into the comfort that was his embrace.

By the time you reached your room, the knight was close behind you once more. You were honestly beginning to enjoy the company, even though he didn’t speak a word to you. It was a welcomed presence since Kylo had disappeared, at least you weren’t completely alone. You climbed into the bed and pulled the thin sheet over you, drifting into a restless sleep as your mind raced.

You shifted in the bed, stretching across and still feeling it empty, but your attention was soon pulled to shuffling at the end of the bed. You opened your eyes to see Kylo looming over you as he stripped himself out of his clothes. For a moment you thought you were dreaming, but quickly realized it was actually him.

You shot up and launched yourself at him, “Kylo?!” But he shoved you back down on the bed as he climbed on top of you.

“Wait,” you struggled as he pulled your clothing off of you, but remaining silent, “Kylo?”

He glanced up at you, his eyes full of need, not want or desperation, but need. You pulled him into a deep kiss and decided to let him take what he needed, holding onto your questions for later. He settled between your legs once he had you completely bare and exposed to him. A heaviness still weighed on you, but it was slowly dissipating as he kissed you as gently as Kylo could. He wasted no time in sliding into you, spreading your legs apart for him as he entered you. He thrust his hips sharply, making you cling to him. He held onto you, his hand almost wrapping completely around your thigh as he fucked you. His breathing was already heavy as he picked up his pace.

“Kylo, please… more.” You dug your fingernails into his bare shoulders. You missed him so much when he was away, every emotion started to wash over you as you held onto him.

His thrusts were harsh and deliberate, moving precisely as if he had your body down to an exact science, knowing how to make you come undone the quickest. You felt yourself getting close as he continued, never relenting and still not saying a word. His groans and grunts were the closest things you got to any kind of communication. He kissed you roughly as you panted, focusing on everything he was doing to you and everything you were feeling in the moment. You were so glad to have him back, but you were still scared about what he’d found. He sunk his teeth into your bottom lip and tugged, pulling you back from your thoughts and right into an orgasm.

Your body trembled as you came but he showed no signs of stopping. He gave you the decency to wait until you were coming back down until he pulled out of you and flipped you over. He grabbed your hips and pulled you up on your knees. You felt him lining himself back up with you and had a split second to think before he slammed into you. He gripped your hips hard, almost feeling like he was going to break you. His hips snapped against yours with each thrust, the sound echoing off the walls. He fucked you harder this time and a realization hit you. This was for him, but the previous one was for you. He took his time in letting you come first, going a little easier on you before he fulfilled his own selfish desires. Kylo had never been one to think of someone else’s wants, especially not yours, something was off.

“Where are you?” He finally spoke as he grabbed a handful of your hair.

You forced yourself to focus on the hard, deep thrusts of his cock instead of the looming concern that grew in your chest again. He hit that perfect spot deep within you that had your legs shaking in no time as you moaned for him. He held your hair wrapped around his fist as he drove into you. His thrusts became more erratic and less rhythmic as he neared his release. You pushed your hips back against him, meeting him thrust for thrust. Kylo leaned over your body as he started to come, filling you completely and pushing you into another orgasm of your own.

He pulled out of you and collapsed onto the bed next to you, breathing heavily and his hair in disarray. You scooted closer to him, wanting to ask him where he’d been, if he found anything, but not wanting to overload him with questions.

“One question.” He said without looking at you.

Suddenly every question you had been thinking about for the passed two days was nowhere to be found. It took you a moment, but you knew what question you needed answered, the only one that really mattered, the one that would give you even the slightest bit of hope for him.

“Did you miss me?” You chewed on your lip as you waited for his answer.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One simple question manages to flip your world upside down in an instant and you find yourself hellbent on giving Kylo a piece of your mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one hurt. Blame Thotful-writing for her angst crimes. She forced me to do this.
> 
> -supremeleadershitlord

His hesitation was like a knife gutting you from the inside. He shifted uncomfortably and turned on his side to face you. Your mind was racing, you were too consumed with the hurt and disappointment you felt to notice the slightest pressure in your head. Simultaneously, he said the words you were not expecting while your mind wandered back to Hux and what he had said about his luck.

"Yes, I mi-" he stopped abruptly when he tapped into your thoughts. Your eyes widened as everything came crashing down on you at once. For a split second, you felt Ben. He was there until your own thoughts betrayed you in the worst way.

"Hux." His brow furrowed but he didn't move away.

"Kylo, that's not-" you scrambled to find the right words but your mind was racing and you shifted into defensive mode, "you can't invade my mind whenever you want and get angry when you catch something you don't like!"

"You gave up the right to privacy when I found out you were with the Resistance." His voice deepened and he was on top of you in the blink of an eye. He held you down and peered into your mind again but you were determined to fight as much as you could. Pushing to keep him out was far more exhausting than you thought it would be.

"Stop fighting me." He rested the palm of his hand on your forehead and pushed even more. He was far too powerful to hold off and you could feel your control slipping. He zeroed in on the memory you didn't want him to know about. At your weakest moment while he was gone, you had considered giving in to Hux to relieve yourself of the worry and pain of being with Kylo.

"He touched you while I was gone." His fingers traced the outline of your jaw and moved down to your neck just as Hux had done.

"You wanted to go back for him," he said, prodding further into the memory.

"Stop," you pleaded, but he kept rummaging through your memories, "fucking stop!"

The pressure in your head disappeared and Kylo's gaze was so intense, you weren't sure if you were going to survive another night.

"Why did you agree to join me if you're too weak to stay away from him?"

Your chest heaved and you let out a long sigh, "you're a fucking idiot, you know that?"

If he wasn't planning to kill you before, you fully expected him to do it after that with a quick snap of your neck.

"No, you're the fucking idiot. You know who I am, you know what I've done and you're fully aware that I won't ever give you the comfort you're seeking. And yet, you're still here with the misguided belief that you can save my soul." Hearing the cold hard truth cut deep. You kept coming back despite having a litany of reasons to give up on him.

"What part of this are you not understanding? I care about Hux and I know he cares more about me than you do, but it doesn't matter," your voice shook and tears threatened to escape, "because it's always been you. Since the moment I joined the First Order, it was only you."

He took a deep breath like he was trying to control himself.

“No, it was _never_ me,” his voice was low and his lip trembled, “it was the version of me you thought you could bring back.”

He leaned down, the tip of his nose grazed yours and his expression softened when he spoke again, “tell me I’m wrong.”

You wanted to, but deep down you knew it would be a partial lie. Kylo had never been easy and everything Leia had told you about Ben always stayed in the back of your mind. You felt the pull to him immediately even though you had never met him. But you also cared about Kylo. He only manifested because Ben was targeted and manipulated by the worst dark side user in the galaxy. But how could you tell Kylo that you care about him while simultaneously wishing Ben would come back when he viewed them as completely separate entities?

While you struggled to find a way to explain your feelings, he leaned down and caught your lips with his. Something about the kiss made you uneasy. It was softer than usual but that wasn’t it, there was a finality behind it that was impossible to ignore. He pulled away long before you were ready and crawled off the bed to get dressed.

“Kylo, why does this feel like goodbye?” You panicked and slid off the bed to grab the nearest set of clothes you could find, slipping them on as quickly as possible. He remained silent as he put his belt on and made no effort to even glance in your direction.

“Don’t fucking do this to me right now. What are you planning?” You couldn’t stop the shakiness of your voice. Everything felt like it was moving too fast but it was your own mind shifting into overdrive. He still didn't respond when he turned to leave the bedroom. You followed him out, pleading for him to say something to you.

"Wait until I contact you before you let her go." He nodded towards the knight standing guard when he passed by to get his lightsaber.

"Fucking stop!" You yelled loud enough for him to finally stop and glance in your direction. He waited for you to continue and all of a sudden the millions of questions you had boiled down to one.

" _Are we okay?_ "

"I don’t know." Without another word, he was gone. You ran for the door but the knight put his arm out and easily overpowered you. No matter how much you squirmed and fought to get out of his grasp, he maintained his hold.

“Let me go, you gigantic fuck!” You continued to struggle despite knowing it was useless. He held you like an unruly child throwing a tantrum, arms and legs flailing to wiggle free.

“I’ve got nothing but time,” a deep, muffled voice came from behind the mask. You stopped moving in an instant and focused your attention on the knight.

“Did you just… “ you trailed off, convinced you were hallucinating.

“What, did you think I couldn’t talk?”

“Actually, yes. I was starting to think that,” you admitted, scanning his mask for even the smallest opening to see inside.

“I didn’t see the point. You talk enough for both of us.” He still held you in place and you could tell he was looking at you, but not being able to see any part of his face was annoying.

“That’s rude, what do you expect when you’re pretty much the only person I have?” You asked, your feet still dangling just above the floor.

“You have the Supreme Leader.”

“No, I don’t,” you sighed and your body went limp against him, “look, I’m not opposed to a cuddle session, but do you think we could at least move to the couch?” You joked, hoping he would loosen his hold and lighten the mood.

“If I let you go, are you going to try to escape?” He asked.

“You’re like twice my size, I’d barely make it to the door,” you shrugged and waited for him to put you down. He carried you to the couch and lowered you to the floor in front of it.

“Sit.” He pointed to the middle of the couch and took the spot to the left. Each second that ticked by felt like Kylo slipping further from your grasp. You also couldn’t shake the fear that he may retaliate against Hux for what he saw in your mind.

After a while, you started to scoot off the couch but the knight put his arm out to stop you.

“I just need something to drink. You really think I’m going to do something to make you mad?”

He remained silent but nodded to give you permission, dropping his arm to let you pass. A small kitchen was situated to the left of the front door. It was your only chance to get away, but you needed to play it just right.

“Do you want something to drink?” You asked, hoping to keep suspicion off of you.

“No.”

“That’s right, the mask never comes off. What are you a Mandalorian or some shit?” You asked casually, making just enough noise in the kitchen to seem believable. The second you opened the door, he would know what you were doing and it was only a matter of time before he caught you, unless your cardio really was starting to work. It was a long shot, but you needed to find Kylo.

“What’s your name anyway?” You moved towards the door and kept an eye on him.

As soon as he started to answer, you opened the door and ran out, slamming the close button on the panel before taking off down the hallway. You ran as fast as you could, nearly sliding out of control around every corner. Your gut told you to check the hangar to see if Kylo was even still on the ship.

It didn’t take long to run to the hangar. You found Hux standing near a stack of crates speaking with a group of pilots. As you neared him, you saw how banged up he was. His arm was wrapped and he had a black eye, remnants of blood remained smeared across his cheek.

"Where is he?" You interrupted, hellbent on finding Kylo and unloading all of your anger on him.

"Be prepared to leave at a moment's notice," Hux dismissed them and turned his attention to you, "Ren left after he made it abundantly clear that I'm to stay away from you."

Your blood boiled. Kylo had gone back on his word to leave Hux alone if you agreed to join him.

“I’m guessing you don’t know where he went?” You wanted to comfort him, it was your fault he got hurt. If you had just stayed away, he would be fine.

“No, I don’t,” he replied, his eyes widened when he looked past you. When he grabbed your hand, you couldn’t deny the rush of adrenaline you felt. He pulled you behind a partition off to the right side of the hangar.

“You wouldn’t be evading your security detail, would you?" He kept his voice low and moved behind a stack of supply crates for more privacy.

"I would never do that." You shrugged your shoulders and maintained your poker face.

" _Never?_ Lieutenant, lying to your superior is grounds for punishment." The nervous energy radiating from him put you on edge. He still held your hand and you were in no rush to pull away but you could feel the slight tremble in his arm.

"I'm not a Lieutenant anymore, remember," you said with a sad smile. He squeezed your hand and finally released it, attempting to shift back to his colder persona.

"I had a tracker put on Ren's ship," he admitted.

“Hux, you know he’ll kill you if he finds out. Why would you do that?” You stepped closer and rested a hand on his chest.

“You know exactly why I did.” He covered your hand with his and brought it to his lips. He didn’t have to say it out loud, it was written all over his face and evident in the way his lips lingered on the back of your hand. He put a tracker on Kylo’s ship so you wouldn’t worry as much if he was gone for a few days. Instead of pulling him into a long kiss and giving in like you should've, you twisted the knife and hurt him a little more.

“I have to go find him.”

“As in _follow the tracker to him?_ Absolutely not!” He said in a high pitched whisper.

“After the way he left things with me and seeing how he hurt you, yes, I absolutely do,” you shot back.

“You’re going to face down the Supreme Leader of the First Order in my honor? I’m flattered, but forgive me if I don’t believe that’s the reason you want to go after him.”

“I turned my back on the Resistance and agreed to join him to protect you.” Silence fell between you as he processed your revelation. 

“It’s quite interesting how we keep putting our lives at risk for one another,” he spoke softly and moved the tips of his fingers along your jaw, “against my better judgment, I won’t stop you, but there is one other thing I should tell you before you go.” His hand moved up to your cheek and the pad of his thumb ran across your bottom lip.

Your heart pounded uncomfortably in your chest while you waited for him to continue.

“I’ve been sending information to the Resistance.” His hand dropped from your cheek and you stood in stunned silence. Hux’s loyalty to the First Order was unwavering. The thought of him doing anything to help the Resistance was almost too far fetched to consider.

“When I heard Ren was considering killing you once the Resistance was gone, I didn’t believe him but… I also didn’t want to risk it and I hated seeing you in pain every time you were forced to hurt them.”

“I love you.” The words came out before you could stop yourself. It wasn’t a lie or a way to manipulate him, you genuinely did love him. He was your comfort, your protector, and he was willing to risk his life and his place in the First Order to lessen your pain. It was impossible not to love him. But it did nothing to dampen the pull to Kylo.

“As much as I wish that were true, I know it’s not. But thank you for saying it.” He offered a smile that even showed in his eyes. It was a rarity for the General and seeing that smile meant more to you than he probably realized.

“There’s a fighter ready just on the other side of this partition. I’ll be in contact with the tracking information. Go before I drag you back to your cell and keep you safe with me.” He looked torn as he spoke, conflicted between helping you and doing whatever he had to keep you with him.

There was so much you wanted to say but the words wouldn’t come. Considering you were leaving the ship to track down Kylo and either end things or get pulled further into the chaos, there was a chance you might not make it back. A lump formed in your throat when you realized you could be saying goodbye to Hux.

“Lieutenant, go before I change my mind,” he ordered, giving your shoulder a slight nudge. His hand lingered and made it even harder to move but you managed to step away. You turned around and fought the urge to look back at him.

“By the way,” he said after you, “when he lets you down again, I’ll be here. _Always_.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Hux's help, you track Kylo down to the ruins of the Death Star.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we double teamed this chapter because we both wanted to write the death star part. I am not apologizing for this cliffhanger. We had to do it.
> 
> Also, thank you so much for the continued feedback. We appreciate it all so much!
> 
> -supremeleadershitlord

You felt like you were being torn, between Hux and Kylo. Hux was everything you should have wanted and Kylo should have sent you running in the opposite direction. But there you were, running right to him.

As you piloted the fighter, Hux sent coordinates to Kylo's current location. You set them into the navigation system and focused on what you were going to say to him. The words in your head didn't match the ones in your heart and you knew you needed them to be in sync. You wanted to tell him what an unbelievable dick he's been, but also that you loved him, regardless of who he was or is. There was still a part of you that held out hope that Ben was still within him and that you could reach him.

As you neared his location and entered the atmosphere of Kef Bir you felt panic building in your chest. He could very easily kill you and leave you there without even a twinge of remorse, but you were determined to let him know exactly how you felt, regardless of his reaction.

"I'm narrowing down his location. Be cautious, my information warns of hostile terrain." Hux appeared just above the ship's controls. The flickering blue of the projection was not enough to hide the concern on his face.

"Got it. Do you have any idea why he would be here?" As you neared the blip on your navigation system, you realized just how hostile the terrain was. Violent ocean waves crashed against hunks of twisted and broken steel. The ocean water cast an ominous dark blue haze over the ruins and dread settled in the pit of your stomach.

"The wreckage of the death star," Hux answered, sending a shiver down your spine, "I can only assume it's the location of a Sith wayfinder."

"I see the Silencer," you announced, descending towards Kylo's TIE fighter. As you lowered to the platform, you began to question whether or not finding him was a good idea. It was impossible to know what mental state he would be in and explaining how you tracked him wouldn't end well.

"Lieutenant, it's not too late to turn back," Hux pleaded, hopeful you would reconsider, "we can flee. My position in the First Order was compromised long ago."

Your heart ached and the pull between him and Kylo was growing stronger by the second. The only reason Hux's place in the First Order was in jeopardy was because of you and he was willing to leave if you gave up on your pursuit of Kylo.

You wanted to say yes, to turn around and run back to him, but you couldn't, "Hux, I-"

"Hopefully I'll see you when you return." He ended the transmission and your chest tightened.

You took a deep breath and made your way out of the ship. Hux only gave you an idea of where to find Kylo, but no exact location so you were clueless to know where to start.

Waves crashed into the platform with ferocity as darkness shrouded around the wreckage. You couldn't shake the ominous feeling that had overtaken you as you made your way into the ruins.

Jagged steel edges and slick floors put you at risk with every step, but you were driven by the need to confront Kylo and nothing short of dying was going to stop you. Hux's voice echoed in your head as if your own mind was trying to coax you back to safety.

After rounding a tight corner, you lost your footing on a long, unexpected decline in the flooring. You did everything you could to stop your descent, but nothing was within reach. A sharp broken beam at the bottom was getting closer and panic took over. It was going to impale you if you didn't find a way to stop.

You saw the other half of the broken beam laying across the path but you weren't sure if it was close enough to stop you from hitting the sharpened edge. You wished for the best and screwed your eyes shut at the last second.

You came to an abrupt stop and remained completely still for a moment to catch your breath before opening your eyes. The beam that stopped your descent creaked, seconds from giving way and the sharp dagger-like end of the other beam was a mere inch from your face.

“I’d kill to be force sensitive,” you groaned, carefully moving to the right of the scrap of steel that threatened to turn you into a kebab. You were only a few feet away from the bottom but shimmying around the beams was going to be tricky, each movement seemed to dislodge them a little more. You took a deep breath and begged the force to be with you before pushing off the beam to slide around it and fall the rest of the way to the smooth surface below. The horrifying sound of steel grinding against steel echoed around you. The second your feet hit a stable patch of floor, you ducked to the right down a corridor and braced yourself for the impact of the falling debris.

The walls and floor shook, and for a moment, you thought the entire area might collapse on you but the sound quickly faded into a faint echo. You opened your eyes to find you were still in one piece.

Rays of light from up ahead streaked down the corridor to where you sat with your knees hugged to your chest. You finally stood and brushed yourself off to navigate down the hallway, stepping over the remnants of the old space station along the way. You came to a large room with what appeared to be a huge broken window at the far end. Echoes of the ocean slamming against the ruins sounded like a warning to turn back but you had come too far.

The doors off to the left slid open and you moved back, bracing yourself for confrontation. You felt the slightest sense of relief when Kylo appeared holding a glowing triangle in his hand, but unease quickly returned when you saw the look in his eyes. He wasn’t happy you were there, that much was certain.

"I'll assume this was the General's doing?" He regarded you with very little emotion.

"No, I came here on my own." You didn't want to drag Hux into anything else. He sighed and focused on you, peering into your mind and taking what he wanted.

"Anymore lies you want to tell me?" He toyed with the object in his hand. You felt like you were in trouble even though you came there to tell him off. You hyped yourself up the entire way and now that he was there in front of you, you couldn't bring yourself to say anything.

"No? Good, you can go back to the General then." He pushed past you.

That was all it took for your courage to return, "For the last time, I don't want Hux." 

He paused and turned to face you again, "tell that to your thoughts."

“Why the fuck would I come all the way here and almost die trying to navigate through this death trap if I really wanted Hux?” You shot back. Your anger was building fast because of his refusal to listen and utter disregard for your privacy. He never hesitated to invade your mind and it made you feel helpless.

“You don’t know what you really want!” His deep voice echoed through the ruins.

“Yes, I do!” You screamed back, losing control of your emotions. It wasn’t at all how you wanted things to go. It also wasn’t the smartest move considering how out of control Kylo’s emotions could get.

He charged forward, closing the gap between you. Despite your instincts to step away and cower before his imposing form, you remained firmly planted.

“You want someone that doesn’t fucking exist anymore. Get that through your head, Ben is not coming to save you!” He shouted, glaring down at you. His lip trembled and you could see the pain behind his stare.

“I want whatever version of you I can get. I’ve been trying to tell you that but you keep invading my mind and taking parts of what I’m thinking. Which, by the way, I really fucking hate you for,” you spat back, tears formed in your eyes and threatened to start flowing.

“Oh, you hate me? I want to rip you apart for coming into my life, drawing me in with that pathetic desperation, and making me want you!” His admission only made you angrier and you were nearly on your tip-toes to look him in the eye.

"Then do it! Fucking end my suffering if I'm such a goddamn inconvenience for you. Oh wait, you can't because that would require you to admit that I actually matter to you!" You glared at him, pushing him further than you'd expected to.

"You're nothing to me. You're such an insignificant person that I honestly wouldn't notice if you disappeared." His words cut you deeply but you fought to keep the tears at bay.

"Then why do you get so fucking pissy when Hux comes near me?" You challenged. 

He dropped the wayfinder and pushed you back against the wall with his hand on your throat, "did you come here to die?" 

"You won't do it, you can't." You weren't sure why you continued to push him.

He stared at you with a darkness in his eyes as his hand tightened around your throat.

"Fucking do it," you grabbed his hand and urged him to squeeze harder, "do it!"

He leaned in closer and spoke just above a whisper, “maybe I want to make you watch me kill Hux before I put you out of your misery.”

“You still think I want him more than I want you,” you replied, defeated and exhausted from the whole situation. You sighed in frustration and looked away from him. The ache in your heart was overpowering and even though it passed quickly, you knew the moment was significant. He pressed his palm to your forehead, pushing the back of your head against the wall. You struggled to push him away, to get him out of your mind, but he was too powerful in every way. It was like trying to escape the jaw of a rathtar.

“You finally lost your hope.” He dropped his hand and stepped away. It was unclear whether he was relieved or upset by the revelation because his face showed zero emotion.

“Isn’t that what you wanted? You win!” You yelled back, tears streaming down your cheeks, “there is nothing good left in you. Too bad you had to destroy me before I came to that realization.”

“Don’t pretend this is my fault, you were the one that wouldn’t stop. You wouldn’t fucking leave me alone!”

"Who was the one dragging me into different spots around the ship when he was angry?!" You shouted.

"Don't act like you weren't begging for it, calling me Supreme Leader?!" He slammed his fist into one of the nearby steel beams, making the entire wreckage groan and shift.

"I did what I had to." You sneered.

He paused and stared at you, his expression changing from anger to disappointment. He approached you, pinning you between him and the wall again.

"Was that all this was? Part of your mission?" He cocked his head to the side.

You had a decision to make, end it now, tell him you were playing him the whole time, or deny it. You had no idea which choice was the right one.

"Would it matter?" You asked as you stared up into the darkness that shrouded his eyes.

"No," he shoved you back against the wall with his hand splayed across your chest, leaning close to your lips, "tell me if that's all _this_ was?"

You took in a shaky breath, preparing yourself for whatever he would throw at you once you answered.

"Can't you just read my mind again to get your answer?" You asked. It wasn't that you wanted him invading your thoughts again, but you didn't understand why he would suddenly not use his power against you.

"I could but I want to hear it from you." The intensity in his stare took your breath away. 

"That's not all this was," you finally whispered. A tear fell down your cheek and you tried to look away but he grabbed your chin and made you look at him.

Your vulnerability was at its peak and you expected him to use it against you in some way. Whether it was his words cutting through you like a finely sharpened knife or more threats on your life, you waited for him to strike.

He moved his hand from your jaw to the back of your neck and pulled you into a rough kiss.

You wanted to push back against him, but you missed this. He held you against his body as he kissed you, his tongue slipping between your lips and swirling with yours. He moved his hand up and grabbed a handful of your hair, tugging almost painfully. 

"You're weak." He whispered against your lips.

"I know." You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him back down into a deep kiss. There was still so much you wanted to say, to tell him, but having him that close again was the only thing you could focus on. After everything, you still only wanted him, in whatever way you could get him.

"Tell me you only want me," he panted when he broke the kiss. You were stunned into silence by his request. It seemed like a trick, just another way to prove how weak you were but you gave him what he wanted.

“I only want you.” You pulled him down for another kiss and he lifted you into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist and pushing your back against the wall.

“You only want who?” He said between harsh kisses. You were confused for a second, caught up in the intensity of the sudden shift in mood.

“Fuck… Kylo, I want Kylo,” you panted and cupped his face, biting down on his bottom lip.

“Not _that_ name,” he said, holding you as if you might disappear in the blink of an eye.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fighting between you and Kylo continues but there is something different about him after your brief conversation with Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We both wrote this chapter and I think we're going to continue this way for a while because a lot of shit is brewing. Enjoy!
> 
> -supremeleadershitlord

You were hesitant, unsure if it was what he really wanted.

"Ben..." The name slid off the tip of your tongue and he crashed his lips into yours instantly. It was as if hearing his name, his true name, from your lips was his undoing, triggering a rush of urgency throughout him.

"Again," he whispered as he trailed his lips down your jaw to your neck.

"I want you, Ben." You clung to him as you were certain he'd crumble in your arms any second.

"Again, never stop." He continued to leave the softest of kisses across your collarbone.

"Please, Ben, I need you." You panted for him, desperate to have the man you'd been fighting for.

His hands moved down your sides and rested on your hips. It was the longest you had experienced Ben and you expected the switch back to Kylo to happen at any second.

“Don’t leave me, Ben,” you whispered, hopeful that saying his name would push Kylo further away. He kissed back up your neck and paused, his gaze finally meeting yours. You gave him a slight smile, still unsure if any of it was real but all of your doubts were wiped away when he smiled back. It was big and bright, so full that it reached his eyes.

You cupped his face and smiled just as big in response. It was the most beautiful he had ever looked to you.

“It’s so fucking good to see you smile,” you said softly, pulling him down to rest your forehead against his.

“Don’t give up on me, okay?” He whispered as he tucked your hair behind your ear and caressed your cheek. His plea made your eyes well up again. It had been so hard to hold on to the hope that Ben would return, you couldn't help but feel guilty for losing it, no matter how brief the moment of weakness was.

"What's wrong?" He asked and the question took you by surprise.

Though it was simple, he had never asked before, only forcing his way into your thoughts to get what he wanted. 

"I lost hope, I gave up and-"

He pressed his forehead to yours and stared deeply into your eyes, "you held on for so long, even after everything I put you through, I-" He seemed to pause and his body tensed.

You saw doubt filling his eyes, "Ben?" He tried to pull away but you grabbed him and held him against you.

"The things I've done to you," his voice trembled, "you deserve so much better."

"I have a ton of regrets but going through all of this for you is not one of them. We'll get through it." Tears streamed down your cheeks. Everything you had gone through, all of the pain and deception, almost dying… it was all worth it to look into those familiar brown eyes and know that Ben was staring back.

He wrapped his arms around you, squeezing you so hard it almost hurt. You wanted to give him all of the love and affection he had been deprived of.

"Let's get away from here. We can go somewhere and lay low until we figure out what to do." The desperation in your voice came out in full force.

"Really?" He pulled back, his eyes so full of hope you could almost see the young boy he used to be.

"Of course, I'll do anything to help you through this," you reassured him. His lips pressed softly against yours before he pulled away and bent down to retrieve the wayfinder. When he came back up, he grabbed your hand and took a step forward before stopping again. His grip on your hand tightened and the dread you had felt before you confronted Kylo was back with a vengeance.

"Ben?"

His hand dropped from yours as his body tensed. He stared down at the wayfinder in his hand and then looked up at you. The darkness in his eyes had returned and the brief moment you had with Ben was gone.

"You should go." He stepped back from you.  
"What? Why?" You reached for him but he brushed your hand away.

"I'm not who you want," he dropped his gaze from you, "I never will be." 

"Kylo," you moved towards him and cupped his face, "I told you already, I want you. Whatever you that is, Ben or Kylo."

He looked up and you felt that familiar pressure in your head once again, knowing he was searching for something.

"You miss Ben already?" He stepped away from you and your grasp.

"It's not-" He put his hand up to stop you.

"I know you miss him, it's all you can think about right now." His brow furrowed and he looked disoriented.

"Okay, you know what? Yes, I didn't have him very long but I do miss Ben. Unlike you, he _needs_ me and he's not afraid to show it," you shot back, your temper flaring again. You didn't want to hurt Kylo but invading your mind again without permission was too much.

"You're doing this to me, you make _him_ come out," he yelled, clutching the side of his head like he was losing his mind.

"I don't know what you fucking want from me, Kylo! You asked me to join you, I did. I turned my back on everything I had _for you_! If Ben is coming out it's because some part of you wants him to!"

"I was perfectly content with being who I am, but you had to push and force your way into my life so you could try and change me." He was seething as he paced.

"I didn't want to change you. I wanted you to be happy instead of tortured and full of fucking hate." You argued for yourself, but also for him, he had to see how bad he had gotten.

"My happiness is none of your goddamn concern." He retorted. 

You sighed and leaned back against the wall, wanting to get through to him but not knowing how. He was too focused on the thought of you changing him and not on who he truly wants to be.

The pressure in your head returned and you pushed off the wall towards him, ready to lay into him again.

"My mind is not yours to read whenever you fucking want! How fair is it that you get to see everything in my head but you don't tell me anything going on in yours?" You nearly screamed at him.

"You think-"

"I'm not fucking done!" You interrupted, your voice echoing through the ruins, "do you even see the person you've turned me into? I gave the Resistance bad information that got people I cared about fucking killed. I've had Hux dangling on the end of a goddamn string even though I knew I was always going to choose you." You were way passed crying and you didn't care that you were yelling at the Supreme Leader. He could snap you like a twig but you were angry enough to throw caution to the wind and get everything out.

"I came here because I wanted to help your mother get her son back. I didn't even know you and I risked everything because just hearing her talk about you made me love you too." Your voice cracked and you wanted to believe it was from all of the yelling, but you knew it wasn't. You were hurting him and it was gutting you, but you continued anyway.

"I stayed because I had hope for so long and all it has done is turn me into a fucking monster, just like you." You didn't mean for it to come out but it was too late to take it back.

He stared blankly at you for a moment, "I didn't have to read your mind to know that." 

You hated that you said those words to him, "Kylo, I didn't mean to say that, I was just upset." 

You wanted to take it all back and throw yourself into his arms but that wasn't an option.

"You meant it," he took a step towards you, "say it again, tell me how you really see me." 

"I was just angry-"

"No, you were uninhibited, unrestrained enough to actually tell the truth instead of hiding behind your pathetic weakness." 

He was no longer sparing your feelings, he aimed to hurt you like you'd done to him. You felt small beneath his gaze as he loomed over you. 

"I'm sorry for what I said."

"You don't get to take it back, you don't get to use your emotions to manipulate me like you do Hux." 

You furrowed your brow, "I don't manipulate Hux, he actually cares about me."

"Then it was completely innocent when you ran to him with tear filled eyes and begged him to make you forget the pain you feel?" He cocked his head to the side and stared at you.

"Pain that you caused," you murmured, trying hard to keep your composure.

"You're not denying it, I'd say that's an improvement. Maybe we're a better match than I thought." His voice was low and the look in his eyes was predatory as he closed the gap between you, backing you up to the wall.

"No, there's a big difference between us. You have no problem hurting me and I don't want to hurt him or you," you replied, standing your ground despite him trapping you between his body and the wall.

"But you have. You made the decision to weave yourself into our lives while you were the spy we were looking for all along. And you did it so well we didn't even think for a second it could be you," he said, leaning closer to tower over you as he ran the tip of his finger along your jaw. He was in awe of your treachery and it made you feel awful.

"You call me a monster, but you were the one that put our lives on the line with Snoke every time you betrayed us and you never showed any remorse until you were caught." The calmness in his voice while he eviscerated you with words was unnerving.

"I was tortured day and night by my decisions, you've seen into my mind but not my heart and how it pained me to wake up every day knowing how much destruction I was causing." The tears threatened again as you thought about all of the chaos you'd brought with you into their lives.

"But you willingly did that, day after day, you put yourself in these situations," his hand drifted down your throat, "so don't pretend like you had no choice in the matter."

You hated the way you were drawn to him, even in this moment when you should've hated him, wanted to push him away, but all you really wanted was to pull him close and never let go. 

"So now what? Do we go back to being whatever the fuck we were?" You stared up at him but his expression remained unchanged.

"Now, I'm going to fuck you in this dilapidated ruin, then I'll take you back to the ship with my cum dripping down your legs for everyone to see." His thumb brushed over your bottom lip.

"What makes you think I want to fuck you after all of this?" You furrowed your brow.

"Because you're almost shaking at the thought of having my cock buried between your thighs." A smirk ghosted across his lips as he toyed with you.

"If you want to fuck me, tell me how bad you want me first," you challenged. He ran the tip of his index finger down the center of your neck.

"That's not how this works. You're the one that begs me, remember?" His finger moved down to your chest and tugged at the top of your shirt.

"Not this time. You invade my mind whenever you fucking want. It's time you give me something. Tell me you want me or you're not fucking me," you pushed, ignoring the way his finger pulled at your shirt.

"I couldn't care less about you, you're nothing but holes to be filled." His finger continued it's path down your stomach.

"If that's true then you can go fuck someone else's holes." You tried to push past him but he shoved you back against the wall.

"You didn't let me finish," his fingertips danced across the waistband to your pants, "your holes are the only ones I want to fill."

You opened your mouth to speak but didn't really know how to argue against him. It was probably the closest thing you'd get to a sincere moment with Kylo.

A satisfied smile spread across his face, prompting you to tilt your head in confusion. It wasn't like Kylo to smile like that but it wasn't Ben either.

"If that's the best you can do, I'll go find another dick to ride." It was a risk, but you needed to know if the smile was a one off or if something else was going on.

"You'll be crawling back to me in no time. Your body belongs to me and you know it," he said just above a whisper. He shoved his hand down the front of your pants.

"Do you want to hear what I think?" You asked, moving your hand over the bulge in his pants, "actually, I don't care, I'm going to tell you anyway." You barely held it together when his fingers slid between your thighs.

"I think I've ruined you," you whispered, rubbing his cock through his pants, "I think you can't imagine filling anyone else because I'm all you think about."

"You couldn't be more wrong," he slid his fingers into you, causing you to bite back a moan, "it's you who is ruined, you wouldn't be able to look at another dick without wishing it was mine."

You heard him groan when you squeezed his cock a little tighter through his pants, "so you wouldn't care if I fucked someone else?," you leaned close to his lips, "took someone else's cock like I do yours?" 

Another dangerous smile crept across his face and then quickly disappeared as he used his free hand to grip your throat, "no one else touches what's mine." 

He kissed you roughly and sunk his teeth into your lip. His possessiveness sent a heat directly between your thighs. This is what you'd wanted, craved, for Kylo to admit you meant something and calling you his did exactly that.

"Say I'm yours again," you said between harsh kisses and bites. He pushed his fingers deeper inside of you and gripped your throat tighter.

"You're mine. If anyone touches you again, I'll kill them," he warned before slipping his tongue passed your lips. Something was definitely off but you weren't about to question it because it felt too good to hear him say those things.

He shoved your pants down to your knees and bent down, burying his face between your thighs without warning. You cried out and grabbed a handful of his hair. Your knees already felt weak and he was just getting started. His tongue moved fast, hitting your clit just right over and over.

"Fuck, Kylo… I'm-I can't," you moaned, unable to put a full sentence together. He gripped your thighs to hold you still and continued to devour you.

You tugged on his hair and a low guttural groan escaped from his mouth that did nothing but turn you on even more. Something was different about him but you couldn't figure out what. He continued his sudden assault between your thighs until you struggled to stand upright. You trembled as you came, screaming for him in the way only he could make you scream. 

"Kylo, what-" You were in a haze as he stood and spun you around.

He pressed you against the wall and the only thing you could focus on was the sound of his pants being undone.

"Tell me you're mine," he said breathlessly against your ear, "say it." He seethed.

"I'm yours, only yours, Kylo." You panted.

In one swift motion he slid his cock into you and stilled, reveling in the way you felt around him.

His lips pressing softly on the side of your head nearly made you jump out of your skin. Not because it wasn’t welcome, but because it wasn’t something you ever expected from Kylo. As much as you wanted to stop and ask him what the hell was happening to him, you couldn’t. Not when it felt so perfect having him inside of you again.

He gripped your hips hard and slowly pulled almost all the way out of you before slamming back in. With palms flattened against the wall, you tried to find your strength again but he had already weakened you with the first orgasm.

His arm snaked around your waist while his other hand moved down between your thighs. You moaned and pressed back against him when the tip of his finger swirled around your clit while he thrust into you.

"Come for me," he spoke against your ear, "I want to feel you let go." His fingers circled your clit perfectly as his hips snapped against yours.  
Everything about this was far different than what you had expected from Kylo. He was simultaneously affectionate and demanding. The light touch of his lips mixed with the roughness of his hands was driving you insane with need.

You didn't hold back as you came, your voice echoing off the ruins of the old death star and your body shaking in his grasp. 

You felt him smile against your neck as he trailed his lips down to your shoulder, kissing you lightly. He continued to fuck you through your orgasm and closer to another. His fingertips dug into the soft flesh of your hips as he drove into you hard. 

"Kylo, fuck-" your body was sensitive and exhausted but you wanted more, "harder, please?"

He pulled out of you and kicked your pants out of the way before lifting you into his arms. He lined his cock up and lowered you with ease, wrapping your legs around his waist. Your back pressed against the cold hard wall as he settled deep inside of you.

"You better hold on," he warned. Before you got a chance to put your arms around him, he slammed into you so hard it took your breath away and he didn't stop. You snaked your arms around his neck and tried to hold on but you were completely at his mercy.

"Ky-Kylo," you moaned, your voice shaking with each snap of his hips.

"The first time I saw you, I knew I had to fuck you eventually," he panted, driving deeper within you.

"What else did you have planned for me?" You clung to him as he continued to fuck you harder.

"To have you desperate for me," he spoke against your ear, "and begging for my cock daily."

You couldn't help but smirk at the thought that he had these plans before you even offered to let him take his frustrations out on your body.

"You wanted to make me your pathetic slut?" You panted as he hit the perfect spot deep inside you that made your legs weak.

His grip tightened around your thighs, grunting with each harsh snap of his hips, "you _are_ my pathetic slut."

You clenched around his cock, drawing out an appreciative groan. The way he was responding to you made you want to push even more to explore the boundaries between you.

"Do that again," he growled, slowing his pace to get the full effect.

"Say you're mine and I'll do it until you're coming so hard your legs shake." Your hand crept from his shoulder to his neck but the intensity in his gaze made you stop. He didn't seem opposed, but he also wasn't encouraging it.

"I'm yours." Uncertainty filled his face and his big brown eyes made him look more vulnerable than you had ever seen before. The moment was fleeting and came to an abrupt end when he slammed into you again.

"Clench," he ordered. You placed your hand loosely across his neck, not wanting to push him too far. At the same time, you clenched your muscles as hard as you could around his cock.

"Fuck-" He groaned as you repeated the action again, his forehead pressed against yours.

You couldn't help the self satisfied feeling you had at reducing him to this level of desperation just for you.

"Again." He demanded and held onto you even tighter.

"Ask nicely, Supreme Leader." You decided to press a little further.

"Again," he groaned, "please?" 

Hearing him beg was perfect so you gave him what he wanted. You clenched your muscles around him again as he remained still within you.

Over and over he begged for more and each time he would stop moving within you. At first, you didn't think much of it, but the longer he paused, closing his eyes as he bit his lip, you realized what was happening.

"Are you _edging_ yourself?" You asked, curious as to why he would do that when you knew all he wanted was to take you back to the ship with his cum dripping down your legs.

"Shut up and keep clenching," he commanded, bucking his hips right before you squeezed his cock again. He rested his forehead against your shoulder and panted. You barely moved your hips and continued building him up to what was sure to be an exhausting release.

"You've been holding out on me," he groaned, barely maintaining control.

"So have you," you panted as you clenched around him again, "I didn't know you were so submissive." You teased him and his dark eyes shot up to yours.

In an instant the vulnerability left him, "I'm in control here, not you." He returned to slamming into you regardless of how your muscles contracted around him.

He seemed to be out to prove to you that he was in control and not weak. You chastised yourself for saying anything and hoped he wouldn't close himself off completely again. You moaned for him with each harsh snap of his hips and dug your fingers into his shoulders as he fucked you harder.

"Come in me," you panted, feeling your own release building again.

"I'll come when I'm fucking ready," he snapped, still seething from your submissive comment. You knew he was close, it wouldn't take much to make him unravel. A smirk spread across your face but he was too determined to prove he was in control to figure out why.

"Fill me with your cum, Supreme Leader. I want it dripping down my thighs when we get back to the ship," you moaned loud enough to send echoes through the ruins.

"It will be. Then Hux will really know who you fucking belong to," he grunted, snapping his hips hard enough to make you cry out. He was seconds from letting go and you couldn't help the satisfaction you felt.

"Yes! Show everyone I'm your fucking slut, Supreme Leader! Come in me, I need it," you begged, your muscles contracting around his cock so hard he growled in your ear. His thrusts were uneven and his thighs started to shake. He held you tight and dropped down to his knees, keeping you in his lap as he came hard.

You held onto him as you came with him, both of you panting and breathless in a post orgasmic haze. He leaned his head against your chest as he tried to steady his breathing.

"Fuck, that was amazing." You panted.

He trailed soft kisses up your chest and neck, "you're amazing." 

His softer side was peeking through once more and you decided not to say anything. Instead you pulled him into a slow kiss to let him know how much you appreciated it. The sound of the ruins settling brought you both into the reality of where you were.

"We should probably get out of here before the whole thing collapses on us." You ran your fingers through his hair.

"In a minute." He held you tight and kissed you. It still wasn't soft like Ben, but it was soft compared to how Kylo normally kissed you. His hand moved down your spine and rested on your lower back.

"Do we have to go back?" You asked against his lips, cupping his face as you kissed him with the same urgency he was showing.

"You know we do, I'm still the Supreme Leader," he sighed and buried his face against your neck. You couldn't help but be weary of returning to the First Order. Especially after the softer side he had shown you.

You dressed in silence while he straightened his clothing. Your worries were taking over but you weren't sure voicing them to Kylo was the best idea.

"Are you okay?" He asked, taking you by surprise. You expected the pressure to return in your head at any second while he stared back at you waiting for an answer.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" You gave him a slight smile.

"Lying to the Supreme Leader?" He crossed his arms and waited for an answer.

"Fine, I'm worried. I'm worried that once we go back to the First Order everything is going to change and I'm not ready-" you stopped yourself before you went too far.

"Not ready for what?" He took a step towards you.

You averted your gaze from his intensity, "I'm not ready to lose you."

He remained silent for a moment, considering your words and regarding you before closing the distance between you.

"Why do you think you're going to lose me?" He tilted your chin up with the tip of his finger. You weren't sure which version of Kylo was staring back and it made choosing your words more difficult.

"Things haven't exactly been… _civil_ on the ship," you replied, reluctant to elaborate. You wanted to make sure Hux would be safe and Kylo wouldn't go back to making your life hell but you had no idea how to go about saying it.

"I won't hurt the General under one condition," he sighed, knowing you were concerned without having to invade your mind, "stay away from him."

Having someone tell you who you were allowed to talk to was frustrating and made you want to start yelling at him again but staying away from Hux was smart. He would be safe if he stayed away from you.

"Fine," you reluctantly agreed, "but don't think you can start controlling my life. This is the exception."

"Good, I have far more important things to be concerned about other than every detail of your life." He flashed a short grin that made you melt.

You were still uneasy about cutting contact with Hux, but it was the only way you could guarantee you wouldn't drag him into anymore danger. You thought about what he had told you before you left, but quickly pushed it out of your mind, remembering Kylo could read your thoughts at any second. The last thing you needed him to know was that Hux was helping betray the First Order.

Kylo escorted you back to your ships, the wayfinder in hand. He was careful with you, helping you climb out of the wreckage with ease.

"You're sure you can fly back?" He asked as he stood in front of your ship.

"I flew here didn't I?" You raised your eyebrow at him. 

"Shall we make it a little more interesting?" He offered.

"In what way?" You liked the playful side of Kylo, but his mood changes were making you dizzy.

He pulled you close to his chest and spoke against your lips, "you make it back first and I'll give you anything you want."

"And if you win?" 

"If I win then I'm fucking you on the bridge regardless of who might see." He smiled and kissed you swiftly before heading to his ship.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After racing back to the Supremacy, you and Kylo end up in an interrogation room where your relationship is tested once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess we needed more angst. Sorry, guys.
> 
> -supremeleadershitlord

You had never been more thankful for all of Poe's flying lessons until you were racing Kylo back to the Supremacy. Although you accepted you would never beat him, especially with him in the Silencer, you were happy to even be keeping up.

When the Supremacy came into view, you decided it was time to play dirty. Kylo was probably going to kill you for it, but at least you could say you won if it worked.

You pulled back and popped up on the dash of his ship in the form of a little blue hologram.

"So, am I supposed to say mayday when all the lights on my dash are blinking and engine failure is lit up?" You played dumb, hoping he would come back for you.

"Are you serious?!" He shouted.

"Of course not, the red flashing lights are just a joke." You felt a little bad for the panic you heard in his voice. 

Within seconds you saw his ship speeding towards you. You knew that was your chance while he was distracted. You waited until he got close enough before you sped past him in a flash. 

"What happened to the engine failure?" His hologram beamed from your dash. 

"Guess it's fixed," you shrugged as you neared the Supremacy, "and I guess I won."

Although he wasn't near you, you could feel the anger radiating from him and knew you'd be in for it when you got back to the ship.

You landed in the hangar and jumped out of the fighter just as Kylo was entering. Running seemed like a better option than sticking around to get punished. You took off towards the main corridor, but within seconds, you were merely running in place.

"Fucking force users!" You yelled, struggling against the invisible hold Kylo had on you. The room began to blur as you flew back towards him. It felt like you were weightless, flying through the air until you came to an abrupt stop against his hard chest. With your back to him, he wrapped his arms tightly around you.

"You're going to regret that," he whispered. Everyone's attention shifted to you and the Supreme Leader but he didn't seem the least bit concerned that people could see you in his grasp. Without warning, he spun you around and hoisted you over his shoulder.

"Kylo!" You shouted and squirmed though you knew it was pointless. 

All eyes were on you as he carried you out of the hangar and down the corridor. You had never known him to make that kind of a scene in front of anyone, let alone people under his command. You had given up on fighting him when you felt his hand running up the back of your thigh. You almost asked what he was doing but you soon realized he was claiming you as his when you saw Hux standing by as he carried you. 

Your eyes met his and you couldn't help the embarrassed expression on your face as you noticed his shock at the events unfolding before him. You would've given anything to hide at that moment and to avoid seeing the pained look in his eyes.

Kylo landed a harsh slap on your ass, prompting Hux to look away. You wanted to hug him and apologize but Kylo's words about manipulating Hux came back to haunt you. Apologizing once again would only prove his point.

"Was that necessary?" You asked when Hux was out of earshot.

"Everyone needs to know you're off limits," he replied as he turned into one of the interrogation rooms. You looked up, confused as to why he would take you there instead of his quarters. He let you slide down his body to your feet and steadied you in front of him.

"Kylo, why are we in here?" You couldn't help but feel a little uneasy considering last time you were in an interrogation room, you weren't sure if he was going to let you live. He leaned down and kissed you but it was hard to return it with your anxiety building.

"I'm punishing you for lying about the engine failure," he whispered against your lips, "and making me worry."

"I'm sorry." You didn't mean to smile, but hearing him admit he was worried made your happiness hard to contain.

"You will be," he said, resting a hand on the side of your neck, "now kiss me again, like you mean it."

You reached up and wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing him deeply but he cut it off before you could fully melt into him. His hand gripped your throat as he forced you to look up at him.

"I hope you're fully prepared to pay for your reckless behavior?" 

"Of course, Supreme Leader," you smiled as he tightened his grip, "make me sorry." 

In an instant, he shoved you into the metal contraption you'd been in before. The restraints quickly snapped over your wrists and ankles.

"If you do as I say and take your punishment without protest, I'll still let you have anything you want for winning the race."

"That's very generous, Supreme Leader." It was unexpected just like so many other things he had said and done since you were on the Death Star but you still couldn't make sense of the change.

"I have to give you credit for doing whatever it took to win," he admitted, running his finger across the neckline of your shirt, "but don't _ever_ do anything like that again."

He tore open your shirt and moved the tip of his finger lightly down the center of your chest. It tickled just enough to make you squirm against the restraints.

"Yes, Supreme Leader." you watched as his hand moved lower between your breasts and down your stomach. 

"Did you enjoy making me worry?" He cocked his head to the side as his hand stopped at the waistband of your pants.

"No, of course not, but I wanted to win." You felt your pulse quicken.

"Hm, I see," he traced his finger along the edge of your pants, "and you didn't just want to win so I wouldn't fuck you on the bridge, did you?"

Your gaze was fixed on his although the touch of his finger was making you squirm with anticipation.

"I was focused more on the _anything I want_ part of the bet," you answered, although he wasn't far off. You also didn't want him fucking you on the bridge and risk having Hux walk up.

"Then you won't protest if I fuck you on the bridge later? Since you cheated to win." He tugged on the waist of your pants and kept his eyes on yours to gauge your reaction.

"I don't really view it as cheating. You never set any rules," you shrugged. He stepped closer and unzipped your pants, pushing the clingy material slowly down your thighs.

"You're deflecting." He knelt in front of you, pulling your pants down to pool at your ankles above the restraints.

The way he looked up at you with his mouth so close to where you wanted it was making you weak. You could feel each exhale of his breath on your thighs and you instinctively squeezed them together.

"Should we continue your punishment on the bridge then?" He raised his brow.

"No," you were already breathless, "I don't think you want that kind of attention, Supreme Leader." 

He grinned, "worried about my image?" He slowly dragged his finger up your inner thigh.

"Yes, you wouldn't want anyone thinking less of you." You nodded your head quickly, hoping he would drop the subject. 

"Oh no, we wouldn't want that," he slipped his finger between your thighs and brushed over your clit, "but maybe you're worried about your image?" He stopped his movements and stared up at you.

"Most of the bridge crew already know I'm a traitor. My image is already pretty fucking bad without adding slut to it."

"I thought you liked being my slut," he said, keeping his gaze on yours as he slid the tip of his finger inside of you.

"I do. I'm _your_ slut but only you can call me that. The last thing I need is the crew calling me a slut under their breath. The glares are bad enough," you explained, trying hard to keep your focus. Hux was the main reason but you weren't about to say it out loud.

"I protect what's mine. I'll make sure every last person on this ship knows there will be dire consequences for disrespecting you." He slid his finger deeper inside of you and everything else got pushed to the back of your mind.

He stilled his hand, "tell me who you belong to?" 

You fought the urge to say 'Hux' because you knew he wouldn't think it was even remotely as funny as you did. 

"You, Supreme Leader." You smiled sweetly.  
He pushed his fingers deeper within you and continued his torturous movements. He leaned close and trailed his lips up your thigh, kissing you softly. You moaned for him, feeling yourself getting close already. 

"Not yet." He stopped and pulled his fingers from you, licking them clean and kissing you once right where you wanted his tongue.

"That's not fair." You protested.

"It's not fair to cheat and make me worry either." He retorted.

"I wasn't expecting you to worry," you replied without thinking. His brow furrowed and he looked away.

"Kylo, that's not… I'm just not used to it," you tried to backpedal but it sounded even worse. He stood and tilted your chin up.

"Do you _really_ think I don't worry about your safety?" He asked just above a whisper. His expression softened and he looked genuinely bothered by the thought.

"You were just telling me I meant nothing to you back on the Death Star," you reminded him. Though you didn't totally believe it at the time, it still made you question his real feelings.

He dragged the tip of his index finger along your jaw and tugged on your bottom lip.

"Do you know how bad I wanted to make you mine when I first saw you?" He teased you with a soft kiss at the corner of your mouth and moved down.

"Tell me," you moaned when he bit down on your neck.

"I would have slaughtered anyone who got in my way." He trailed his lips along your collarbone.

"More, tell me how badly you wanted me." You were desperate to hear his confession.

"I dreamt of you," he kissed his way down your chest, "every night, of owning you, touching you." He had never told you that and honestly you didn't even know he dreamt.

"I woke up every morning with the determination to have you." He continued while his hands roamed over your body.

“Why didn’t you take me?” You wanted to know everything he thought about you but the fear of his personality changing in an instant made you nervous to push.

“I needed to stay away until Snoke was gone but you offered yourself to me and I couldn’t say no.” He cupped each breast and kissed along the curves.

“Tell me about one of your dreams,” you moaned when he flicked his tongue over a hardened nipple.

“This. Touching and kissing every inch of your perfect body.” He kissed across your chest to the other nipple and tugged it gently with his teeth.

“Fucking you on Snoke’s throne after I took over,” he continued, biting down harder and squeezing your breasts until his nails dug into the sensitive flesh.

You gasped at his roughness but wanted more. You loved how much he was willing to give in this moment and you never wanted it to end.

"Claim me then," you panted, "make me yours and only yours." 

He continued his harsh assault on your breasts before moving down your stomach.

"Say you're mine, that you belong to me." He spoke against your skin.

"I'm yours, fuck-" you moaned when he nipped at your hips, "I'm utterly and completely yours." 

That's all he needed to hear before pressing his face between your thighs and devouring you. His tongue swirled around your clit while his large hands gripped your thighs.

You struggled against the restraints until it hurt, unable to move in any satisfying kind of way while he licked and sucked at your clit. He squeezed your thighs and continued his assault, pushing you closer to your release.

"Kylo," you whimpered, clenching your fists and seconds from coming. He pulled away and stood, leaving you disoriented and desperate.

"Do you know how good you taste?" He licked his lips and let his eyes wander down your body while he unzipped his pants.

"Tell me," you replied, still breathless from his denial. the ache between your thighs already had you close to begging. You were convinced your need for him would never be fully sated.

"So fucking good." He was breathless as he stroked his cock. 

Your eyes were fixed on his movements and you struggled against the restraints, needing to touch him.

"Want something?" He asked with a half grin.

"Yes, you." You pulled against the restraints again but they didn't budge.

Kylo stepped closer, still stroking himself while he pressed the tip of his cock against you, sliding it between your slick folds and brushing against your clit. You moaned and tried to tilt your hips to meet him.

"So eager for more." He teased.

"Kylo, I need you close," you pleaded, overwhelmed by how much you craved his touch.

As if he could feel your desperation, he closed the small gap between you and cupped your cheek with one hand while the other lined his cock up with your center.

"I'm here," he whispered against your lips. For a few seconds, he was totally Ben. His eyes softened and you could feel that he needed you just as much as you needed him. He carefully slid into you and stilled. A soft groan emanated from him as his lips brushed against yours.

"Ben-" you whispered breathlessly against his lips.

His kiss was soft but desperate, as if he was savoring every taste, every sensation of your lips pressed to his. He finally moved, easing out of you slowly then back into you. You struggled against the restraints, needing to touch him, to enjoy Ben for as long as you could.

"Let me touch you?" 

He smiled against your lips, "this is supposed to be a punishment."

"You're telling me you wouldn't cheat to win, Ben Solo?" You raised an eyebrow and returned his smile with a playful smirk.

"I don't need to cheat to win, sweetheart." He nuzzled his nose against yours. The small moments you got with him only made you crave him more. He was gentle and playful, exactly how you imagined he would be.

"Please don't go away," you said in a moment of weakness. You knew Kylo wasn't going to appreciate it but Ben felt so much like home that you couldn't hold back your feelings. He eased out of you and slowly back in, his soft groans tickling your lips.

"I'm not going anywhere." He spoke against your lips as he continued his slow movements.  
He moved carefully and gently within you, kissing your lips softly as he did. It took everything you had not to beg him to let you out so you could touch him. You loved the softness and affection, but you knew it wouldn't last.

"Ben-" You whimpered when he thrust into you hard.

He grinned against your lips, "again?"

"Yes, please?" You nodded your head eagerly.  
He kissed you and eased out of you before slamming into you hard, drawing out a long string of moans and whimpers.

"I love the sounds you make," he panted before thrusting into you again.

"Ben, please… just free one of my hands," you pleaded. Not being able to touch him was the worst kind of torture and you weren't ashamed of begging to get what you wanted while you had him.

He moved his hand down to the restraint on your left wrist but paused just shy of touching it. He took a deep breath and when his eyes met yours again, you knew it was Kylo staring back.

"You sneaky little slut," he shook his head and rested the tip of his finger under your chin, tilting your head up, "you're going to regret that."

He slammed into you so hard the restraints dug into your skin and he didn't let up, fucking you hard and fast.

"Kylo, please!" You moaned as the restraints cut into you. 

He didn't slow or relent, his cock slammed into you over and over while he growled against your ear. He was fucking you so hard it seemed like he was determined to break you and the contraption you were restrained to.

"I'm sorry-"

"I don't want to hear your pathetic apology." He snapped.

The pain of the restraints nearly making you bleed and the force behind each of his thrusts took your breath away. You wanted to ask him to ease up, but the words wouldn’t come. All you could manage were broken whimpers.

By the time you were able to speak, a small trail of blood had trickled down the side of your hand from your wrist.

“Kylo, wait,” you gasped when the restraints dug further into the cut. The door off to the left slid open and Hux walked in to see you begging Kylo to ease up with blood dripping onto the floor from your hand. Kylo stopped immediately and looked back to see a horrified look on the General’s face as he took in the scene.

A momentary silence fell as the tension in the room rose. You knew how it looked and it wasn't good from an outsider's perspective. 

"Hux-" you tried to say something to explain.

"Is there a reason you interrupted your Supreme Leader?" Kylo sneered at Hux.

Hux's eyes darted from you to Kylo hesitantly, "no sir, I apologize for the intrusion." Hux turned to leave.

"I'll expect a more formal apology to the Lieutenant here as well, General." Kylo knew exactly what he was doing, trying to keep Hux there to show him who you belong to.

Kylo slowly eased out of you and back in while he waited for Hux’s apology.

“Kylo, stop. I don’t need an apology.” You struggled against the restraints and winced at the pain. You would’ve given anything to erase the sight from Hux’s mind.

“Yes, you do.” He glanced back at the General and nodded, “come closer so she can hear you clearly.”

Your heart sank when he moved closer, his hands clasped behind his back as he tried to find something other than you to focus on.

“My apologies, Lieutenant.” As soon as the words left his mouth, you knew it wouldn’t be enough for Kylo to let him go. He started to move within you again, slow enough to drag it out and keep the restraints from hurting too much. He was claiming you in front of Hux and it turned you on and made you feel sick at the same time.

"Tell the Lieutenant why you're sorry." Kylo stared at you intensely as he continued his light torture.

You wanted this to be over, to run away from this pissing contest that Kylo was having. 

Hux kept his gaze on his feet, "I'm sorry for barging in unannounced." 

"Isn't it rude for the General to not look you in the eye during an apology?" Kylo asked.

"No, it's fine. I accept the apology." You were desperate for him to leave.

"No, that won't do. Look her in the eyes, General." Kylo commanded.

He moved a little faster, making sure that Hux heard how wet you were with each thrust. Hux took a deep breath and finally looked up at you.

“I’m very sorry for interrupting, Lieutenant.” The slight tremble in his voice broke your heart into a million pieces. Kylo grabbed your chin and turned your head towards Hux.

“I need you to give him your full attention while he apologizes,” Kylo whispered, his lips brushing against your cheek while he continued his slow torture.

Your eyes met Hux’s and you were trying desperately to apologize without saying it out loud. Kylo would never allow it.

"I shouldn't have bothered either of you." Hux continued and the look in his eyes was enough to make you hate yourself even more.

"Thank the General." Kylo urged as he eased out of you.

"Thank you, General." Just before his title slipped past your lips, Kylo slammed into you which made you moan slightly.

"You may leave now." Kylo said without looking at Hux. 

Hux turned and left without another word or glance in your direction.

"What the fuck was that?" You glared at Kylo with no regard for your safety or life.

“Just making sure the General knows his place,” he replied with a sinister grin that sent a shiver down your spine but it wasn’t enough to make you back down.

“Get out of me and release the restraints,” you said, your voice shaking with each word. You could feel panic rising in your chest and your throat tightening.

As if a switch flipped, the smirk on his face disappeared and he backed away, raising his hand to open the restraints. You stepped down to the floor and clutched your wrist.

“I’ll never forgive you for that,” you said after a long silence, “I don’t care how you feel about him, he didn’t deserve that and neither did I.”

You glared at Kylo and waited for an apology, but it never came. He remained stoic and unwavering as he watched you get dressed.

"Do you even care how you treat other people? Is there even the tiniest part of you that feels remorse?" You were seething.

"He wants what's mine and he needed to know who you belong to."

"He fucking knew, Kylo! He knew by the fact that I choose you every fucking time something happens. Time and time again I push him aside for some ego driven maniac who does nothing but step on everyone else."

By the expression on his face you knew you may have gone too far. He looked as though you'd punched him in the face.

Rather than wait around for his inevitable reprimand, you gathered up what was left of your clothing and tried to cover the upper half of your body.

"I didn't say you could leave."

"I didn't ask, _Supreme Leader,"_ you retorted, digging your own grave even deeper. You expected him to push you up against a wall at any second but he kept his distance.

"I know you can't offer much in the way of affection, but you could at least try not to be a heartless dick." You headed towards the door but you came to an abrupt stop when you felt the force around your waist, holding you in place.

"Let me go, Kylo." You refused to turn back.

"Don't go, please?" His voice wavered and you wondered if he was back to being Ben again.

"Why should I stay?" You were fighting the urge to run to him.

"Because I- because I need you." His confession made your heart ache and the pull to him was getting stronger.

You let out a deep sigh and turned to face him, "then why do you keep doing things to hurt me?"

He tried to find the words but there was no rational explanation. You had fallen for him so hard that his particular brand of volatile love was becoming your normal. Even standing there with bruises forming on your ankles and bloodied wrist, you didn't want to leave him.

"I'm sorry, I-," he paused, brow furrowing as he tried to process everything he was feeling, "I don't want to hurt you."

"Then why? You say you want me to stay, to be with you, but you continue to treat me as if I'm disposable to you." You felt so conflicted about everything, especially the way you felt about him.

"You're not disposable, please believe me? I want-" he hesitated as he reached out towards you, wanting to hold you but unsure, "I just want you." He said as he dropped his gaze from you.

You bit back a sob and held firm, knowing if you went to him now he'd think you forgave him for what he'd done.

"Maybe we need time to figure out if this can work," you said, your voice trembling as the words came out. You hadn't considered it until you said it out loud and it ripped your heart to pieces. You fought to keep yourself from taking it back because there was a part of you that thought it was a good idea.

"What? No-no… that's," he stumbled over his words as if the mere idea of being away from you sent him into a panic, "stay."

It sounded more like a demand than a request and despite your nearly unbearable urge to leap into his arms, you were annoyed just enough to stand your ground.

"I'm a human being, Kylo. I exist outside of whatever _this_ is and if you can't respect me and treat me as an equal, then we need to reevaluate our relationship."

He stepped forward, prompting you to step back. The closer he got, the more likely you were to give in and you had to stay strong.

"I don't need time, I already know what I want." There was an edge to his voice that gutted you but you knew he wasn't thinking about anything other than keeping you there. He wasn't considering how much he hurt you or Hux.

"Holy shit, Kylo, listen to yourself! This isn't only about you!" You snapped. The situation was out of control and you didn't know how to fix it without your submission.

"I don't know what you want from me! I apologized and I don't need time to figure anything out. I just want you." His voice cracked and the pain you felt intensified.

"Maybe _I_ need time." Silence fell over the room and he looked as if you had destroyed him.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the conflict growing between you and Kylo, you find yourself seeking comfort in a familiar place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this one, life has been a tad insane lately.
> 
> -Supremeleadershitlord
> 
> I was sick and had to be cared for by the insanely talented co-writer of this story.  
> -Thotful-Writing

The only thing harder than seeing the sorrow on Kylo's face after your fight was not turning back to throw yourself in his arms. Leaving the room with his eyes staring holes right through you was somehow even worse than him finding out you were the spy. Everything was fucked and there was no simple solution. You loved Kylo, but you craved Ben with every fiber of your being and nothing was going to change that.

You disappeared into your old quarters and changed your clothes. You hadn't been in there for what seemed like forever because you spent so much of your time in Kylo's room, but everything was just as you had left it.

You collapsed on the couch and the reality of the situation began to crash down around you. Ugly sobs left you gasping for air and your throat burned. The room was a blur through heavy tears that flowed like a steady stream down your cheeks.

Time ceased to exist as you were consumed by your own agony. The ache around your wrists and ankles was a harsh reminder that the space was necessary but the mental anguish screamed for you to go back to him.

A sudden knock at the door made your heart pound hard in your chest.

A moment passed and you hoped they'd just go away, knowing if it was Kylo that you'd run right into his arms. Another sharp tap on the door and you knew you had to pull yourself up. 

When the door slid open and your tear filled eyes set on Hux, your heart dropped and everything came flooding out. You all but fell into his arms and his body stiffened, glancing around to make sure no one was watching. He urged you back into your quarters, still holding you.

"What did he do to you?" He asked as he walked you towards the couch.

"Nothing I didn't expect or deserve." You sobbed into his chest.

He tried his best to soothe you but he seemed rushed. You looked up at him to see a worried look on his face.

"What is it?" You asked as you wiped your tears.

"We don't have much time, I've received word General Pryde is on his way here." 

You sat back in a mix of shock and panic, "why? Why is he coming here?" You were worried he'd found out about you, about being a spy and your relationship with Kylo.

"Orders from above. It would appear that the First Order, to include Snoke himself, was put in place by Palpatine."

It felt as though every bit of oxygen had been sucked from the room. Leia's fears had been realized, Kylo was definitely in Palpatine's sights, and you were no longer safe on the Supremacy.

"I know this is a lot to take in-"

"I need to find Kylo," you interrupted, standing before the words totally left your mouth. Hux grabbed your forearm, careful to avoid the sensitive area around your wrist.

"You can't be serious, Lieutenant. After what I saw… " he averted his gaze to the small glass table in front of the couch.

"Please don't do this, Hux," you pleaded. Everything was overwhelming and talking to Hux about what he saw was only going to make things worse.

"You're willing to go through all of that on the off chance that Ben Solo returns," he sighed, looking as if his resolve was about to crumble, "he's not worthy of everything you've sacrificed for him."

"Maybe not… but I can't give up."

You could tell that Hux wanted to say more, but he relented. He let out an exasperated sigh and stood up.

"I'll get your ship ready," He headed towards the door and paused, "I hope he's worth all of this." He glanced back before heading out the door.

You hurried around your quarters as you cleaned your wounds and changed your clothes. You knew it wouldn't take Hux long to get the ship prepared. You headed towards your door but before you could reach it, it opened and there stood General Pryde.

"Going somewhere, Lieutenant?" His gaze was intense and only unnerved you more.

"I'm- I was-"

He held his hand up to silence you, "let's finish this little chat in a more secure area." 

Before the words had fully left his mouth, three armed stormtroopers entered your quarters and proceeded to apprehend you.

"What the-" before you could finish, one of the stormtroopers shoved a square piece of black cloth in your mouth. He pushed it so far you nearly choked from the unexpected invasion.

Pryde's cold, hard gaze settled on your captors and he nodded for them to follow. He turned on his heel and proceeded down the corridor. Each step amplified your fear until you felt like you were suffocating. It was as if you had forgotten how to breathe through your nose and the struggle to spit the balled up cloth out had you in a panic.

Pryde ignored your muffled whimpers and continued into an empty conference room not far from the main hangar.

"Prepare the transport," Pryde ordered, gesturing towards the trooper to your left. The one on your right made a point to nudge you with the barrel of his blaster as a reminder not to try anything.

"Remove the gag." The General's always stern expression was firmly on you and the gravity of the situation began to sink in. Your gasps for air annoyed Pryde enough to demand a little more force. The stormtrooper used the end of his blaster to deliver a harsh blow to your stomach.

"I never did trust you but General Hux and Kylo Ren were too enamored of you to see what was abundantly clear," Pryde stated while you winced and tried to steady your breathing.

Panic filled your body along with the pain you felt. You started to hope Hux would come find you and save you, or maybe Kylo would return, but you knew both were highly unlikely.

"Hold her up." He ordered.

The stormtroopers grabbed your arms and forced you up. 

"Please, I-" Another harsh assault from one of the stormtroopers to the back of your head, made the words fall short in your mouth.

"You've made a mockery of the First Order," Pryde stepped closer, "your continued existence is a nuisance and if it were up to me you'd be wiped out in this very instance."

"Who is it up to?" You asked though you knew the answer.

"You'll see soon enough."

"Where's Kylo?" A shiver ran down your spine when Pryde's eyes seemed to light up at the question. He was always stoic and looked as if his face would crack if, by some miracle, he ever found a reason to smile.

"Presumably on his way to meet the same fate as you. I can only hope he'll be made to watch as your treacherous life drains from your body," Pryde scowled. He nodded towards the trooper again and a sharp blow to the back of your head sent a shockwave of pain radiating out. You couldn't speak as your vision went hazy and your legs gave way. Though it was hard to focus on any specific thought rushing through your head, one thing was clear… you were terrified of what was to come.

The landing gear of the transport jostled you awake but everything was black when your eyes opened. Pulsating pain in the back of your head made you want to pass out again and panic soon followed when you realized your head was covered. When you tried to lift your hands, you found they were cuffed along with your ankles. Each realization pushed you further into your panic.

You could hear movement around you but couldn't tell what was happening. You felt two hands grab you and lift you to your feet. You struggled to breathe and calm yourself, your mind running wild with the worst possibilities.

"Take her to him." Pryde spoke, you knew his voice well already.

Before you could protest or say a word, they dragged you with them. Your heart pounded and your entire body ached from the assaults, but your mind was fixed on one thing, Ben.

"Wait," Pryde said after a short distance. Your heart sank, hadn't he done enough already?

There was a tug on the material covering your head and a split second later, the ominous dark blue of the planet sent a shiver down your spine. Lightning strikes put sporadic spotlights on the dark structure ahead. You didn't need to be force sensitive to know that the planet had a concentrated dose of dark side power.

Goosebumps covered your arms and the voice in your head screamed for you to run. You were not meant to ever step foot on the planet, that much was certain.

Pryde came into view as he stepped around the stormtrooper. The blue of his irises seemed to intensify when paired with the blue haze of the planet.

"Perhaps you want to see how truly hopeless your situation is," he gestured towards the sky behind you. You were turned just enough to see the largest fleet of star destroyers you had ever laid eyes on. A cold sweat covered your face and nausea built in the pit of your stomach.

"Unfortunately, you won't be alive to see the rise of the Final Order and the destruction of everyone and everything you care about."

All hope of escape, survival, left your mind. Tears filled your eyes at the thought of the pure destruction those ships were capable of. Pryde held a self satisfied smirk as he watched your hope turn to ash before him.

"Let's go see how our young Supreme Leader is failing, shall we?" He nodded to the stormtroopers who immediately shoved you forward. 

Their blasters dug into your back, so close you knew if you made one wrong step they'd blow a hole through your torso. Your feet weighed heavily on the ground as you headed towards the large structure. You wanted to slow down, to keep from seeing anything else that waited inside for you. Your heart sank at the thought of Kylo being dead and that was the only thing your mind seemed to play on repeat.

As you were led into the large opening, your senses were assaulted by blinding electric crackling, haunting echoes, and a foul smelling mixture of decay and dirty stagnant water.

The sound of your captor's boots on the uneven stone ground became a countdown to the end in your mind. There was no way you were going to make it out of whatever was coming alive. Memories of your last moments in the interrogation room with Kylo weighed you down. The only comfort you had was knowing you wouldn't live long enough to be haunted by your last conversation with him.

A terrifying cackle came from every direction and for a second, you were convinced insanity had consumed you. The eerie laughter felt too close, like it was inside your head driving you towards a darkness you were ill-equipped to handle.

A harsh tug from the stormtroopers brought your attention back just in time to see a group of large silhouettes standing in a row up ahead. Your heart sank when one in particular caught your eye. You had spent a lot of time with him, your babysitter, one of the Knights of Ren.

You caught their attention as you walked closer and you could feel the tension rising. It took everything you had not to try and run or fight your way through them. You knew you'd die, but at least you'd die fighting.

"Move faster." Pryde ordered and nudged you.  
You tried but your feet weren't listening to your brain and when you didn't do as commanded, a sharp blow to the back of your head sent you faltering to the ground. Your vision blurred and darkness threatened once more but you were able to keep unconsciousness at bay. When you glanced up, you could see a familiar, looming figure ahead, eyes purposefully avoiding you. 

"Ben..." you whispered but it didn't go unheard.

"She doesn't see who you truly are, still calling you by your dead name. You will never have the power you seek until you're released from her influence."

A shiver ran down your spine at the sound of his voice, you didn't even have to ask who it belonged to. Only the emperor himself could sound that menacing.

You were so focused on the scene unfolding before you that you didn't notice one of the Knights grab your arm.

"She means nothing to me," Kylo said, his voice devoid of any emotion. You refused to believe that Kylo was about to toss you aside for power, but the eerie cackle that echoed around you planted a seed of doubt.

And the second Palpatine's cold, dead eyes focused on you, all of the hope you had disappeared.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Held captive by Palpatine, you desperately want to get through to Kylo but he seems to have made his choice. The fight to bring Ben Solo back comes to a close and nothing will ever be the same again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I'm sorry for how long this took to update. Words have been hard lately and everything feels like it's in chaos. I hope you're all staying safe and healthy and thank you so, so much for all of your feedback. I am the absolute worst at communicating so I rarely reply even though I want to, just know that all of your comments mean the world to me. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> -supremeleadershitlord

Palpatine raised his decrepit fingers, beckoning you forward. The Knight of Ren that had watched you before grabbed one of your arms and lifted you, pulling you towards him. You welcomed the familiarity of him, but couldn't deny the repulsion you felt that he'd aided in taking Kylo from you.

"Yes, bring her closer," Palpatine croaked, "let me see the face of deception." 

You tried to pull away from the Knight, but it was as useless as trying to get away from Kylo. As you neared the two of them, you kept your eyes fixed on Kylo, searching for even a glimpse of the man you knew. 

"I assumed there would be more to you, something hidden, but there is nothing." Palpatine spoke as he seemed to be staring through you.

"Kylo, please don't do this." You ignored Palpatine completely.

Kylo refused to look in your direction, not even a glance. He stood with a purpose that seemed to exclude anything to do with you.

“Your pleading won’t get you far. There is no greater pull than that of the dark side, you were never going to accomplish what you set out to do,” Palpatine continued, his blank eyes fixated on you. The will to fight was disappearing more each second you had to stand there and witness Kylo’s complete indifference to you.

“Kylo, I love you,” your voice cracked as your heart continued to break. His lip trembled and his fists clenched but he still didn’t turn his gaze to you.

You began sliding across the uneven stone floor, Palpatine's outstretched hand beckoned you closer. His force power felt like a snake coiling around your body, seconds from squeezing the life out of you.

He pulled you closer between him and Kylo, "love? Love is insignificant in relation to ultimate power." He sneered, his voice sending a shiver down your spine. His hatred and darkness were a black hole consuming every bit of life around him.

You clawed at your throat to catch even the smallest of breaths, but it was useless. You felt the tears filling your eyes as your body struggled in his grasp, your feet barely grazing the ground.

"You think your pathetic love can sway the boy? Can pull him away from everything he's worked so hard for?" He curled his fingers to tighten his grip.

"P-please-" your voice barely above a whisper, "Kylo-" you looked over at him, blood streaming down your face from your previous beatings.

His eyes flitted between you and Palpatine, uncertain and torn. He saw the pain you were in and everything you had been through because of him.

Without warning, excruciating pain coursed through your veins, pulsing as it radiated out to hurt every inch of your body. Your screams were silenced by the force around your neck, so tight you expected it to crush under the pressure at any second.

Blinding flashes of force lightning only gave you blurred images of what was happening around you and Kylo was nowhere to be found.

Just as your vision began to fade, you crumpled to the hard ground and the pain lessened to a barely manageable ache throughout your body. Your throat was sore and when you tried to make a sound, nothing came out.

Strong hands lifted you up, cradling you, but you were in too much of a haze to see who it was.

"Don't! I'm getting her to safety," a voice called out. It seemed so far away and a little familiar but you weren't sure why. Your heart beat uncomfortably fast, and a high pitched ringing in your ears disoriented you even more. Clinging to consciousness, you blinked your eyes rapidly to try and focus on the person holding you.

"Try to stay with me."

The stranger finally came into view and for a moment, you thought you were just waking up from a really bad dream.

"Still has you on babysitter duty, huh?" You asked, though it was unclear if you were even coherent because vocalizing anything was a chore. The Knight of Ren you spent so much time with at Kylo's behest lowered you to the ground and propped you against a large pillar, hidden from view of the chaos ensuing behind you.

You tried to turn and look as you heard utter destruction happening, but he pulled you back to face him.

"You don't need to watch." He said. You accepted that he was probably right, you didn't need to watch, it would only drive your panic more. You pulled yourself up further, leaning back against the pillar for support. Your body ached and your head was swimming.

"Is he okay?" You asked weakly.

He glanced around the pillar and back at you, "he's doing better than expected.”

“Why are you helping? I thought… “ you trailed off, unsure of exactly what you thought. The Knights were loyal to Palpatine? It was the most logical conclusion given what was happening right behind you, but it didn’t make any sense. Last time you saw them, they were at Kylo’s side. What could have possibly changed so fast?

“It’s a long story but my loyalty lies with the Supreme Leader,” he answered, glancing around the pillar to check on the fight. The unmistakable sound of a lightsaber powering up was like music to your ears, but your heart skipped a beat when you saw the color of the beam casting a glow just past the pillar. It wasn’t red.

“I need to go help him, stay right here and scream as loud as you can if any of them come over here.” His mask didn’t give you any indication what was going on underneath. It was very odd considering your close quarters, like staring at a hunk of metal and pretending it was a person. Your heart pounded, and all you could do was nod, still trying to process what was happening.

He was gone in an instant and you hugged your knees to your chest. You wanted to look, to see if Kylo was okay or at least standing, but you fought yourself. You fought because you knew if you turned to look and he was on the ground, then you wouldn't be able to stop your feet from running to him.

Crashing of metal and heavy steps continued behind the pillar. Screams of men echoed through the room along with the crack of lightning. 

_He's okay, he's okay. He can handle this._ You spoke to yourself, trying your best to calm your own nerves.

A sickening thud on the other side of the pillar made your stomach turn. Though you had never heard it before, there was no denying it was the sound of a body breaking against the stone pillar. Weak groans hung in the air and confirmed your suspicion.

A body slid across the floor and stopped next to you. Your heart sank when you saw the mask. It took every bit of your strength to pull him behind the pillar with you. He wasn't as big as Kylo, but he was still significantly larger than you.

He winced with each movement and pushed his helmet up. You helped him pull it off and finally looked your bodyguard in the eyes. The beautiful green that stared back was unexpected. He was young, mid-twenties at most, with jet black hair that was a stark contrast to his pale skin.

"Palpatine's lightning fucking sucks," he wheezed as he clutched his ribs. Blood flowed down his body and began pooling on the floor.

Your entire body tensed at the sight, panicking because you wanted to help but you weren't sure what to do.

"Shit. You're going to be okay, just- just hold on." You glanced around for help, for anyone else who might know what they're doing.

He grabbed your hands and placed them over the flow of blood, "press down,” he groaned through gritted teeth. You hesitated before placing your hands on top of one another and adding pressure to his wound. He cried out as pain radiated through him. His blood continued to gush out and it was only making you panic even more at the thought of losing him. He wasn't your greatest friend, but he was there. He saved your life just moments before and there he was, begging you to save his. You could feel the tears threatening and the lump in your throat forming.

"Just hold on, please-" You tried to keep the blood from pouring out, but nothing helped.

He placed his hand over yours, "p-promise me one thing-" he sputtered as more blood dripped from his mouth, "don't let this be for nothing."

Your heart felt seconds from beating out of your chest, unsure how you would be able to stop anything from happening. You weren’t force sensitive or even armed and you ached all over, battered and bruised from Pryde and his Stormtroopers.

As if the Knight read your mind, he groaned and reached into his long black jacket. You had always wanted to try it on but never felt close enough to ask. Your breath caught in your throat when he revealed a black circular hunk of metal with exposed wires down the side. You knew what it was immediately and what he was suggesting.

“I… no. I can’t,” you tripped over your words, too terrified by the thought of having to defend yourself with a lightsaber, “last time I held this thing I almost destroyed Kylo’s coffee table and nearly sliced myself in half.”

He let out a strained laugh and clutched his ribs again, “he told me,” his breathing got heavier with each word he spoke, “he also said you caught on fast.”

Knowing that Kylo had talked privately to his trusted Knight gave you a feeling of hope unlike anything you had felt in quite a while. You had given up so much on the quest to bring Ben Solo back, most days you felt as if you had nothing left to fight for. But that was far from the truth, you had everything to fight for and when your finger hovered over the button on Kylo’s lightsaber, you were ready to stand alongside him.

With the lightsaber in hand, you stood up on shaking legs. Your body was exhausted and sore, but you knew you had no other choice but to help him. You glanced down at the Knight one last time and he gave you a slight nod. You gathered all the courage you could in your body and switched the weapon on, the beam glowing bright against you. Everything stood still for a brief moment when you moved from behind the pillar. Kylo was fighting off the guards and other knights as he moved effortlessly. His eyes caught a glimpse of you with the lightsaber in hand, he smirked, using the force to pull you to his side.

"Ready to end this?" He asked with confidence in you both. 

You nodded your head, chest fluttering as your heart worked overtime to keep you going. The guards and knights started to surround the two of you with weapons drawn.

"Don't worry about them." He reassured you.

As one of the Knights neared you, you felt a heaviness over your hand, guiding your weapon with ease. You glanced back to see Kylo fighting with one hand and exerting the force over you with the other.

Though you were able to get in some decent swings and blocks of your own against one of the knights, you could feel Kylo guiding you through the fight. He was able to take out guard after guard while making sure you were safe and it gave you a rush of adrenaline.

He overpowered a knight while you dodged a guard’s attack. Chaos surrounded you as the roof of the building opened up to reveal the fleet of star destroyers you had seen outside. Everything was happening faster than you could fully comprehend but you still felt safe knowing Kylo had your back.

He flipped over the mess of guards and knights scattered about and landed next to you with ease. The bright blue beam of his lightsaber lit up his face and when his eyes met yours, a slight upturn at the corner of his mouth made your breath catch in your throat.

“Ben.”

He flashed you a soft grin accompanied with a wink before plunging his lightsaber through the chest of one of the Knights.

"Who else would save you?" He moved back towards you.

"I thought-" Images of Kylo's stoic and unwavering expression flooded your mind. You thought he was gone, that you couldn't get him back, but there he was.

Ben fought with ease and fluidity, slicing through enemies with precision and assisting you as he went. You watched him in awe as he fought, not only for himself, but you as well. The last knight fell to the ground with a thud and Ben strode back towards you, his eyes searching your body for any signs of fatal injury.

He cupped your face once he reached you, "are you okay? Anything broken?"

You clung to his forearms as his soft eyes stared into your own, "no, nothing too bad." You couldn't help the smile that spread across your face as you stayed in the brief moment of bliss.

"I need you to hide. No matter what you hear, stay away. I'm going to finish this." He pressed his lips to your forehead and you looked up, desperate for more.

"I'm all yours when this is over," he smiled and caressed your cheek with the pad of his thumb. Just hearing those words from him made you happier than you had been in a very long time. He winked and disappeared around a massive pillar to face down the monster that left his life in chaos.

Seconds felt like minutes ticking by and anxiety flooded your mind and body. Never one to listen, you moved from pillar to pillar to get closer. You needed to know he was okay even if it put you in harm's way. The sound of the Emperor's demonic laughter echoed around you sending a shiver down your spine. Lightning flashed and illuminated the seemingly ancient structure that felt like a theater for Palpatine's final show.

You peeked around the pillar to see Ben fighting with everything he had. He moved so fluidly without hesitation. You silently urged him on, trying to keep yourself hidden, but it wasn't enough. Suddenly you felt yourself being pulled towards the fight, with no strength to stop it.

"Is this what has you fighting so fervently?" Palpatine guided you closer.

Ben panicked as he watched you getting closer, he tried to exert the force over you and stop you, but he fell short.

"Shall we rid ourselves of the distraction and see how much fight you have when she's gone?" A grin spread across his decrepit face and before you could react, you felt an intense surge of electricity hit your body and send you flying across the room. 

The last image in your mind before everything went black was Ben charging at Palpatine, his expression filled with rage and anguish.


End file.
